Veins

in windowless hell i sit
surrounded by computers.
technology seethes into my veins,
hard plastic pounds my ass.

keyboards and mice click
like the rodents they ought to be.
sighs and questions filter into
the stuffy dark room.

i am here but i am not here.
my mind, just like theirs,
wanders down the hallway,
out the door, into the open air.

i can picture the pedals,
the tires taking me home,
the summer heat seeping through me
like blood through my veins.

i can feel the bath-warm water
lapping around our naked skin,
his hands on my back in the soft
moments of a Kentucky summer.

in windowless hell i sit
surrounded by computers.
technology seethes into my veins,
gives me the keys to take me home.

Everything Included

we could walk
but we prefer to ride
they hop in
with three pennies,
jubilant voices,
and a mission.

we arrive at the
perfectly painted plastic horse
covered in vinyl saddle
where they climb up and down
riding like pro cowgirls

when five minutes have passed
they head for the cookie aisle
where disappointment sits
plainly on the empty tray.

instead, we pack on our helmets
to continue our weekday adventure,
the wind blowing allergen-ridden dust,
remnants of summer’s sun
beating down on our backs.

i follow the oldest, who
weaves like a drunk driver
through the sidewalk,
into the street,
everywhere her heart takes her.

a giant, loud-mouthed dog
greets our arrival. we reach
with skinny arms into
the abundantly fat-with-fruit trees,
pulling down ripe green pears,
apples with red dimples.

the dog continues to carry on,
and just as i wonder if he’s here
as a warning for us to leave,
a woman’s voice calls over the fence,
“Take as many as you can.”

And we do, the tangy juice
of tiny homegrown fruits
sliding down the girls’ chins,
dripping into the pile at the bottom
of the trailer, sweetening
our end-of-summer afternoon,
sweetening our time here, now.

everything included:
the bikes,
the horse,
the absent cookie,
the fruit,
for three pennies,
jubilant children,
and a mission.

Renewal

how it haunts her
aching and bright
a flash in the night

how it haunts her
taunting and cruel
calling her fool

how it teases
sneaky and mean
defiling the clean

how it teases
quick and abrupt
her heart now corrupt

how it breaks her
shatters and bits
degrading her wits

how it breaks her
blades and fires
lost with desires

how it heals her
sorrows and loss
rock-bottom moss

how it heals her
beginnings and ends
renewal ascends.

Patio

how nice
as fall closes in
that we sit here with our dinner
(one last time?)
and listen
as the wind whistles
through our getting-taller trees
and the girls dive on and off
their matching swings
and the dry air tickles
our perfect-temp skin
and we can be, just be,
the perfect family.

Young Blood

caked in dirt as thick as frosting,
dripping in young-blooded sweat,
hand-carved spears cutting the air,
savage screams of hungry hunters,
sparkling laughter thrown into the wind,
they emerge from the forested fort.

not once in forty-eight hours
have iPodiPadMacBookCellPhone
inundated their young blood
(nor our old blood)
and without a single complaint,
we gather them together so

caked in sticky white clouds of s’mores,
campfire-smoke-ridden clothing and skin,
hot metal spears cutting into the ash,
thrilled screams of sugar highs,
sparkling laughter thrown into the stars,
they emerge from the perfect weekend.

Helicopter

she hovers
a helicopter of
impatience
desire
control

while all we can do
(awkward and new)
is stand beneath her blades
our hair stinging
our faces from her wind

closer she hovers
swooping in on a military mission,
a sniper poised,
aimed,
ready.

but i am not ready.
when i feel her
bullet slide through me
and into the soul of my daughter,
i am unable to
push my hair back,
walk away from the wind,
or drown out the sound of
beating blades from my heart.

One Stretch of Road

one stretch of road
that all my life
living here
i’ve never seen

how it curves and dips
reveals a view
of peaks and forests
of bicyclists making
their way to their next destination
(here is where the heart is)
of log cabins
and tiny towns
hidden trails
and geocaches
campgrounds tucked in
amongst aspens
and dirt roads

and i am reminded
(do i need a reminder?)
of why i am here,
why we are here
here
here
on this curvy
dipping winding road
that takes us home.

Sorrow, Love

it’s the witching hour
and here, all across town,
evils have worked their way into
the darkness engulfing us.

as quiet as a kitten snuffling
against the door, she whispers
that she is sick,
that she needs help.

with ginger hands we strip
off her sodden clothes,
and i run a washcloth under
water so hot it might sting her.

up and down her small body
i wipe away the illness, then
slip the clean nightgown over
her head in one anxious movement.

the new (old) bed in the green room awaits.
she crawls in and i whisper,
Do you want me to lie here with you?
she whimpers and nods, words lost.

i ask her to move over a bit,
but before i have slid in beside her,
she has inched her body wholly
against mine, her fingers on my face.

When you were a baby, I say,
the tears already sliding down my cheeks,
we used to share this bed every night,
just you and me, girl
.

he comes in, offers to replace me,
but he can see the tracks down my cheeks,
her tiny fingers on my chin,
and without another word,
leaves us in our bed of sorrow, love.

Repercussions

it is only five seconds
with repercussions that will
last a lifetime

my childhood haunts me
as the same stress, anger
leaps into my veins

how i want to push it back
to not have this moment
of loss, of bitter haste

soon they are all crying
the moment turns into
long o-o-o-o-o-o-o’s

all i can do is reach out
my arms, wrap them inside,
and wish time backwards.

Oddities

an odd couple
him outspoken
earrings and hair
thick with want of a brush
she perfectly manicured
tight as a spindle
of silken thread

their words bounce off
one another, harsh, playful
forced, relaxed
his mouth open and loud,
her lips pinched and defiant

with them we will take a new step,
form a new friendship,
walk our children hand in hand with theirs,
hoping the oddities
that make us (them)
who we are meant to be
will be the same oddities
that will bring, keep us together.