love, in Portugal:
these perfect pastries, melted;
now just down the block

love, in Portugal:
these perfect pastries, melted;
now just down the block
best friends forever
no continent can destroy
the love they have built
i cry for the card, for his loss,
for his Iraqi-Syrian past,
for all the burning hours of summer school
where he committed himself
to finishing high school in three years.
i cry for his words, for his loss,
his inescapable self that has hidden
a kind face in a chaotic classroom,
his sly smile catching my every
snuck-in witty remark
(even when no one else could).
i cry for the system, for his loss,
shuffled by our government’s wars
between homelands that stole his home,
for his pride in Iraqi architecture
that he may never see again.
i cry for his future, for his loss,
for how unequivocally kind his soul remains
after all he has witnessed in twenty-one years,
for his brothers who wait under his watchful shadow,
for our country to give him a chance.
i cry for his words, for my loss,
to not have his presence in my classroom,
to have the nicest thing anyone’s
ever written to me
disappear with a graduation ceremony.
i cry for the world, for their loss,
for robbing refugees of their rights,
for keeping the beauty that is him,
that is within all of them,
from sharing their strength
with all of us, inshallah,
for a brighter tomorrow.
i waited four years
to have my Kitchenaid back
too bad you’re broken
this last, lost moment
before i burnt the cookies
will be remembered
goodbye, my mixer,
my flourless-chocolate King,
my sweet-tooth master
i’ve missed your batches,
your easy whipping of eggs,
your strength to knead bread.
but i let you live
in the cold hands of strangers
who kneaded your death
alas, we all die
and it’s time for us to part
forever now, love
may you rest in peace
while i strengthen my right arm
while mixing by hand
rain-forced overtime
and a club cancellation
poured on my evening
frazzled two incomes
shuffle life like laundry loads:
nothing’s ever clean
quick pasta in pan
(middle one waits for boil)
i mad-dash the town
make my appointment
where my essay’s dissected
by native speaker
who can’t tell me why
subjunctive is needed here
yet, not here (nor there)
disgruntled, i sit
choose the last row, and listen–
same two birds chirping
pecking the rest out
our Spanish words now swallowed
by extroversion
and i can’t do it
i cannot sit in this class
with my girls at home
i can’t speak Spanish
or use subjunctive bullshit
—just say what it is—
it’s like our lunch talk:
Midwest culture won’t allow
taking last cookie
and if you offer,
offer three times before, ‘Yes’
(no cookie for me)
so i leave the class
i walk out, i give up, lose
(win time with my girls
who ask for reading
aloud, in poems stories,
mine and theirs and ours)
and we read Spain poems
remember GaudÃ’s madness
in place of our own
and that’s my Thursday
just like any other: lost,
but not forgotten
weekend leftovers
murmur an early Monday
in my groaning gut
technology blues
plague two classes, one meeting
forced into nonsense
data collection
begins my singular plan
till phone rings: sick kid
frazzled packing up
for a stomach flu faker
then two extra kids
but that is not all!
cross country registration
at the last moment
my middle girl runs!
two days a week, a new plan:
laps around the park
(he can cook dinner–
we’ll eat late like back in Spain,
shed this U.S. stress)
and i will run too–
take tree-lined tech-free views home
(run free, not ragged)
two days, three Great Lakes
city view transfers to beach
(they’re tired of pics)
look how amazing!
i shout to their grumbling
freshwater ocean!
reluctance wavers
as they find rocks and small waves
accept magnitude
(this after lunch fight
refusing peanut butter
drive-thru battle won)
Illinois takes us
twelve hours past the border
at Wendy’s, give in
they live for water
cause it’s all about the pool
on the long ride home
all ages love boats,
skyline tower views, no waves,
island tree climbing
parks make cities nice
waterfront, shady, crowd free
not these skyscrapers
multicolored ride
subway, tunnel underground
(to hide from winter)
what about fresh air?
facing the snowy cold day?
not in Toronto
for now, sun shines through
we see commerce’s belly
windows heaven down
it’s hard to picture
winter’s isolating freeze
(even fruit hides here)
that’s what it’s like now
just before our trek back home
(last time i’ll see her)
in tunnels, hiding
just like friendships wax and wane
waiting to come back