Month: June 2012

June (2012) Daughters

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Riona

we walk Venice Beach
we’re offered everything
from CD ash trays,
a strip-tease picture with a dog
in a pink bikini,
and endlessly legal marijuana
(doctor on premises!)

mostly oblivious,
you trot alongside
and point to the homeless man
sitting in the lawn, complete
with office chair and
sleeping bag

i explain. you respond:
he lives outside?
in ALL that grass?
well that’s bigger than our house!

and your five-year-old wisdom
has made this beach day better.

Mythili

the conversations
in the 2000-mile backseat drive
are circular and cute

none cuter than
sisters, learning about the Gold Rush
from historical mama, declare,
We want to dig for gold in these mountains!

with your usual no-nonsense logic,
you casually reply,
You’re going to need a drill.

Isabella

for you,
a trip to California
is no more than an excuse
for a brand new story
to share with all your friends
upon your happy return

that’s my girl

Linear Inequality

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we have stood in line
shuffled and reshuffled
signed on dotted lines
rushed to the post office
driven across four state lines

where will you draw the line?

Bottlenecked

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a thousand mile drive
to sign our lives to the sea
our message departs

Fire and Rain

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same fire-fueling wind
brings us forgiving rain clouds
nature’s irony

Moving Out

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now the plants are gone
there is no life in our house
home is somewhere else

Infiltration

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i am infiltrated with imagery–
a small town upbringing
infused with adolescent inner city,
torn apart by the desire for more
the desire to make more
out of this oh-so-short life

like drones we clock in, clock out
stay in the same place
and never put our lives on the line
for a new awakening

i put it here now
to step out of Big Brother’s reach,
yet he still watches my every move.
i feel his shadow behind me
mechanically moving my arms,
tearing away my emotions,
like being put in the room with rats

will i step out into the new world,
suck on the bitter gin
and tell him how much i love him
while my soul lies dead
inside my robotic body?

or will i find the forest
–the escape route–
and become the person
i always dreamed i’d become?

Here Without You

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a heavenly view
taking my breath on all sides
if you were just here

That Would Be My Way

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to have my life played out in notes–
that would be my way
there is music in the relentless wind,
in leaves that swoop seemingly silent to the ground
in the bubbly laughter of a small child

for me it would be more traditional—
the white piano keys overtaking a room
in a cacophony of melody,
the voice everyone hears and loves in
one swelling moment of listening lust,
notes drawn out in minds, hands, ever-tapping feet,
playing out my life—
that would be my way

to have my life played out in song—
that would be my way
lyrics that cling to my daughters’ voices
and follow them into adulthood,
harmonies holding up the background
of every overly dramatic scene,
the sharp choruses and smooth verses
of songs that soothe me to sleep—
that would be my way

Safe Harbor

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without your calm love
i couldn’t weather this storm
you are my harbor

Beginning, Middle, End

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let me tell a story.
it will begin with 25 hours
of uploading documents,
calling colleges,
begging for recommendation letters,
watching my perfect English writing
get butchered into
fucked-up Spanish by Google Translate,
sealing it all up a month in advance,
and moving on with my life
(mostly indifferent)

it could begin with
my 19-year-old dream,
thousands upon thousands of dollars
poured into a degree
i always hoped to utilize
upon its fulfillment

in the middle:
i’ve lost count of crying sessions–
my tears are too deeply rooted on my face
for anyone to really see them (me).
maybe i could find them in the house
i’ve spent a month packing
into one tiny room,
or in the resignation paper
where i signed my life away,
or in the credit card statement
i will never be able to pay back

in the end:
i could be here,
homeless, jobless,
relentless in my pursuit
of everything i thought i wanted,
when all it took
was putting it all on the line
to realize that line
should never be crossed