if money could buy
the time i lost regretting,
would i be happy?
my biggest paycheck
untouched in the nursery
unswaddled bonus
its late-night crying
ignites a hole in my soul
but babes are fragile
even when nursing
they can fuss and search for more
easily cracking
my scarred nipple skin
tearing my hope inside out
leaving me empty
safe in its blanket
i will keep my money wrapped
while i nurse my dreams
forgot her pencil
add to the list of hours
now lost from our lives
impossible choice
parent failure never ends
and doubt always wins
what’s a pencil worth?
droopy eyes, stressed homework spells
my child no more
i wanted the best
since data governs our lives
and steals our children
hour detention
for forgetting her pencil
whose data buys time?
sixty-hour weeks
stacked against four months, three kids
bless this long weekend
a simple request
straddles me between two worlds
a scale i once tipped
if grins and roses
were all that i’m meant to be
i’d bury my soul
balance beam choices
split, backwards flip, wheelbarrow,
toe-dip for the win?
or flatten my hands
my feet flying above me
upside down: myself.
this park is our church
(we rode past three on the way)
god is in details
dress-obsessed oldest
on a limb over a lake
this windy fall day
blessed to have new friends
and her two shadow sisters
nothing like my youth
(how i would have loved
my sister to include me–
just to be my friend)
outdoor play keeps them
a ring of companionship
beauty comes in threes
we don’t need sabbath
just the joy of our family
god lives in us all
estoy de goma
rubber burning insides out
what was i thinking?
stress toasted with fun
drinks in hand, trick-or-treating
but i got tricked
my worst hangover
while baby cuddled me warm
pajamas all day
will i ever learn
that joy is in their faces
not in this poison?
cold reality
when we hide behind costumes
and drink to tell truths
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