Cry Babies

realization:
i’m halfway through motherhood
(though it never ends)

ten-year-old letter
brought me back to those first days
late-night crying babes

but ten years from now?
they’ll all be out of the house
i’ll cry, my babies

when i open it
will my heart be sad, or lost
or, at best, hopeful?

will i be relieved
to think of my youngest girl
sitting in my lap?

or devastated
because she no longer will?
oh how i love them

but i’m halfway through
they’re better skiers than me
(and everything else)

no more crying babes
just the lust for lost moments
that hurt us then, now

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2015/01/img_7116.jpg

Planning. To Not Plan.

what secrets are found
in twenty years of letters?
and what dreams will come?

at sixteen, desperate
first love turmoil, heart crushed
i lived for friends, love

at twenty-six, scared
new baby, husband’s lost job
i lived on blind faith

now, thirty-six,
my life begins to balance
career, family… home??

sleep in which bed, house?
on which continent–east, west?
in whose arms–mine, his?

the letter will tell
my thirty-six-year-old goals
where my heart beats now

but heartbeats have wings
my girls will be all grown up
the world will change

i hope to keep up
with the childlike soul i dreamt
as a young lovebird

while at the same time
accepting life’s challenges
and… i can’t plan them

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2015/01/img_7097.jpg

Bask. Basque.

Cartagena blues
teasing me with memories
soldier guarding life

here i am, snowbound
(silent beauty winter)
biting cold, warm home

i could take this pic
right there next to that palm tree
basque in Spain sun

but i am here now
family on every corner
tongue out for snowflakes

tasted continents
on either side of the sea
and i am home now

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_7023.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_7048.jpg

Write of Passage

our boots squeak with snow
light as sparkling feathers
quiet city streets

middle one agrees
to traipse in winter beauty
so much like her mom

this brings me to peace
from sleepless, sorrowful nights
my words lost, then found

like our snowy prints
only seen from right behind
otherwise ignored

my most precious gift
recorded for all my life
despised by loved ones

perhaps she will walk
behind my wordy footsteps
her write to escape

for now, quiet snow
i accept what i can’t change
and keep on writing

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_70071.jpg

Holiday Visit

my far-off cousin
the brother i never had
how i love, miss him

White Christmas

her comments swallowed
like the Christmas morn semen
cranberry juice, please

i’m not defensive
just wish for white Christmases
like everyone else

i can win this game
Cards Against Humanity
with my best haiku

five girls are sleeping
in my parents’ bungalow
i love my city

my favorite movie
It’s a Wonderful Life, YES!!
live and Live and LIVE!!!!

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6940.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6945.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6948.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6941.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6947.jpg

Roast Beast

for some it’s the tree
others love the Christmas lights
for me, it’s the roast

scent of cranberries
rosemary, thyme, and red wine
bring my holiday

we’re having roast beast!
the Grinch is absent today
in our happy home

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6811.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6814.jpg

Enough

as they grow older
it’s no longer life and death
over midnight cries

now? supply, demand
business modeled parenting
what if we run out?

what can i buy or give
to make them happy, love me?
which–time or gifts?

it’s never enough
they’re either spoiled or loved
often hard to tell

give them the world
so they’ll toss it back to me
demand better one

it’s human nature
to aspire for what’s not there
i’m never enough

love should be enough
i’m up nights loving too much
(they never see this)

as they grow older
i miss the crying days when
i knew they loved me

a hug was enough
to make it through a tough time
and they were all mine

no one will say this
they’ll say how much easier
they’re independent

independent, yes
from our once easy embrace
to face life’s demands

and to demand more
to make me question myself
will this be enough?

no simple response
to parenthood dilemmas
enough guilt tonight

Proximity

lattice top apple
laid by a baking expert
five years of hard work

culinary school?
kitchens of Denver and Spain
dough soft as her cheek

yes, she was just three
her first try in our kitchen
all to be near me

i can’t buy her dreams
or make Santa come to life
but i’ll give her that

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6802.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6804.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6809.jpg

Measures of Success

standing room only
crowd hushed for collegiate speech
from a sixth grader

bright academics
the spotlight shines on this school
rainbow of world

social injustice
swept under a brave chorus
strict rules understood

forgotten pencil
equals hour detention?
path drawn to success

unified voices
remedy doubtful choices
good god let them sing

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/80f/11233611/files/2014/12/img_6781.jpg