Home. Made.

another stressed day
just before Christmas bustle
lost to this sickness

tears fresh this morning
frozen pond glistening dawn
star-studded boathouse

guilt trailing my job
as he rushed home, two sick girls
and me? meetings, plans

she came back today
babyless, unpacking shelves
repacking her life

her despondence stung
i couldn’t leave her alone
burdened with boxes

we made plans, had lunch
I got your card, she told me
we’re not sending any

no family photo
for his first, never Christmas

(this is what i hear)

but she won’t say that,
leaves me lines to read between
your girls’ pic was great

her grief in all words
she tells of Christmas-free plans
prepared to move on

this i carry home
with oldest’s three earned awards
to my handsome chef

his job ends next week
i won’t worry who’ll nurse them
and make chicken soup

noodles fall from spoons
and girls, all better, delight
priceless remedy

now they’ll discuss me
what will he do now, and you?
i’ll have no answer

only the safety
of the home he makes for us
beyond what they see

Maternal Thievery

mother’s midnight dance:
rinse puke from stuffies and sheets
listen for gag sounds

hazy dose of job
sick grandma cares for sick girl
while sick husband works

cycle never ends
grandmother mother daughter
through sickness, health

mother’s twilight dance:
six laundry loads, leave sick girl
in hands now soft, warm

sleep? a silent joke
stolen from night, afternoon
thieves, our mothers’ love

Winter Break

survived another
harried nonstop dash Monday
give me winter break

if i’d a real job?
i’d go home early when sick
not pop pills to last

i’d go out to lunch
have adult conversations
away from all kids

how tiring talk
not filled with young undertones
would surely make me

instead i’ll take this:
endless work weeks, sick through some
needy happy kids

and yes, winter break
no holiday turmoil
my kids all around

Holiday Recital

simple notes played out
behind the spotlight, hard work
immeasurable

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Sueños

extreme poverty
keeps parents from saving sons
live to work and die

but ten beats away
greed scalpels addicted souls
work to live and die

Tuned

timid youngest one
belts out her favorite chorus
shines when she’s on stage

middle girl hidden
by misplaced tall fourth grader
i still hear her sing

it won’t be long now
(and i pinch back dreaded thoughts)
this will be over

my oldest, seated
not with us, but with the friends
she has gained this year

how miraculous
to see her back to herself
facing the world

i faced eleven
in this auditorium
but i didn’t sing

three girls, different tunes
wonder where notes will lead them
back to me, i hope

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Life Sentences

the aches and fevers
mid-week stay-with-me stresses
medicine won’t work

she came in a dream
all better (never better)
if only the truth

i hate trapped secrets
the solid weight of her truth
worth liquefying

they have stopped asking
bless the sick season for that
(she’ll be sick for life)

losing a baby,
making candy memories,
alcoholism:

all life sentences
that never bring forth the dream
that they’d imagined

Rules of Childhood

challenging poses
stave off pre-holiday cold
virus can’t beat me

candy-scented home
bowls brimming with sugar dreams
homage to his mom

girls learn gift giving
how to think beyond themselves
wrapped in red ribbon

i’d wrap happiness
and place it under the tree
if it would save them

childhood rules us
far beyond its eighteen years
may theirs be happy

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Birthday Blessings

Friday afternoon
lights fall to meet autumn nights
but you are not here

knowing, my heart aches
secrecy’s not my style
but brutal truth hurts

i’d take back the words
but they’re lost in confession
forgiven, lost, here

just as you should be
beside me with hugs in hand
building my haiku

instead she shows me
engraved Jack Daniels bottle
twenty-one years out

i tell her i’ll cry
and write her a poem later
about that bottle

never in his mouth
infancy or twenty-one
may he rest in peace

you and i would cry
after she left us drinking
but you’re not here, friend

the way the world works
i won’t have you beside me
twenty-one years out

Unforgettable

her childhood words
conjure my own memories
youth remains in us