she won’t disappoint
if she’s with me, she’s happy
no matter the place
if we could capture
her easygoing sunshine
we’d be millionaires
but who’d need money
if they could hold happiness
from a child’s eyes?
family
The Price of Freedom
two free holidays
first one ushers in a storm
mountains disappear
skyline from here
is always magnificent
minus the whining
how influential
a video-head friend is
shuffled in with clouds
moms must compromise
perk warmth into snowy scene
where surprise awaits
no seats near the girls
overheard conversation
prettier than snow
a Vietnam vet
three decades of war photos
now he snaps for peace
how much do you charge
to bring your eye-witness view
to my refugees?
you see, there’s this book…
as all great requests begin
Inside Out and Back…
Again, he returns
to where he lost his manhood
and became a man
I don’t charge a thing:
without our youth, our schooling
the world won’t change
we make lesson plans
till the girls will wait no more
Happy Veterans’ Day
first free holiday
though nothing is ever free
let snow send us peace
My Oldest
i give her the news
silent tears fall down her cheeks
worse than a tantrum
eleven years old
burden of being oldest
heavy on three girls
she carries their weight
lab rat for parental tests
what should we do next?
we drive the wrong way
arrive before she knows it
i favor her now
it is not too late
to undo this, to change schools
my peace offering
again, silent tears
on her face, trapped in my throat
i can deal with it
but should you have to?
the question that i don’t ask
(but i ask myself)
i’m going to stay
i don’t want to lose my friends
and there is my proof
hours of homework
detention for lost pencils
don’t compare to friends
i drop her off, drive
dawn’s light skids across the lake
as golden leaves fall
a sight so perfect
i want to drive back, tell her
take away her tears
mine are falling now
and i must let her decide
she leads, my oldest
Honestly
how honesty lives:
kindle a fire within
or fly with the wind
how honesty dies:
with smiles and puppy tails
with nothing that fails
for me, honestly?
i’d rather fly with the wind
than burn from within
Nursing
if money could buy
the time i lost regretting,
would i be happy?
my biggest paycheck
untouched in the nursery
unswaddled bonus
its late-night crying
ignites a hole in my soul
but babes are fragile
even when nursing
they can fuss and search for more
easily cracking
my scarred nipple skin
tearing my hope inside out
leaving me empty
safe in its blanket
i will keep my money wrapped
while i nurse my dreams
Time Warp
forgot her pencil
add to the list of hours
now lost from our lives
impossible choice
parent failure never ends
and doubt always wins
what’s a pencil worth?
droopy eyes, stressed homework spells
my child no more
i wanted the best
since data governs our lives
and steals our children
hour detention
for forgetting her pencil
whose data buys time?
Imperfect Landing
a simple request
straddles me between two worlds
a scale i once tipped
if grins and roses
were all that i’m meant to be
i’d bury my soul
balance beam choices
split, backwards flip, wheelbarrow,
toe-dip for the win?
or flatten my hands
my feet flying above me
upside down: myself.
This Park is Our Church
this park is our church
(we rode past three on the way)
god is in details
dress-obsessed oldest
on a limb over a lake
this windy fall day
blessed to have new friends
and her two shadow sisters
nothing like my youth
(how i would have loved
my sister to include me–
just to be my friend)
outdoor play keeps them
a ring of companionship
beauty comes in threes
we don’t need sabbath
just the joy of our family
god lives in us all
Revelation
estoy de goma
rubber burning insides out
what was i thinking?
stress toasted with fun
drinks in hand, trick-or-treating
but i got tricked
my worst hangover
while baby cuddled me warm
pajamas all day
will i ever learn
that joy is in their faces
not in this poison?
cold reality
when we hide behind costumes
and drink to tell truths
Pages of My Book
Miss, why should i read?
Movies are so much better.
You see everything.
But what you can’t see
is the imagination
that invents the world.
Without reading books
who’d have written your movies,
given light to life?
fast-paced agreement
from Arabic-spewing mom–
he sighs, won’t give in
not five minutes pass
toothless, frumpy, loving mom
begs me to help her
why does her girl fail?
is it because of the shots
she saw as a child?
or her tent life,
her journey across the sea?
but what can we do
but cry out to God
and ask him to help us live?
then i remember
yes–a book i read
Wait–were you in Kakuma?
Yes–for nineteen years
tears swallow my throat
harrowing Lost Boy story
chronic refugee
sitting before me
(brutal book’s truth seeping in)
hope swallows her whole
i wish i could share
the beauty behind pages
that connect us all
if i could show him
the open-eyed life of words
oh, how he could fly!
ironic night ends
with her heart-wrenching handshake
pages of my book
Step Write Up 