bag on, keys in hand
lights still off, door prop broken
they wait for me here
never a moment
to take a breath or a rest
once here? i breathe them
spinning hat cycle
switch styles: students, admin
teach, plan, grade, succumb
bag down, keys waiting
lights come on, i work past dark
they wait for me there
somewhere in between
i put on the mama hat
dinner, bed cuddling
i dream of yoga
breathing in, out, stretching soul
hats off, i breathe them
wind-swept grassland hike
table-top view of city
where mountain meets home
clear creek cottonwoods
hand-crafted home brewery
where dreamers meet dreams
science fair half done
little girl pianists play
where weekend meets week
two-month countdown starts
pre-holiday pay knifing
how will we survive?
just as we once did:
a chef, errand-free weekends
(stay-at-home dad’s gifts)
two sides make all coins:
heavy sacrifice, workload
frantic rat race gone
we could count pennies
or we could count our blessings
we will see what counts
poorly-worded goal
provided by school district
let’s confuse students
find main idea,
three facts, underlying themes
cite text evidence
even in haiku
i clarify what they can’t
why are they in charge?
come home to harsh truths:
charter school rules, union blues
paradox, my life
my new objective:
theme that saves main idea
minus the details
(life is a challenge
of unplugged net books, low pay;
cite love to survive)
with stressed frustration
my mother’s voice comes through mine
i’m a child again
only now? my girl
is the brunt of my anger
yet she bounces back
resilience through love
something i was missing then
my mom aches to fix
life’s a big regret
played out in haunted voices
singing us to sleep
start and end with work
how ungodly my Sunday
blessings everywhere
painted face friends grin
i enjoy two thirds of joy
my kids everywhere
from Iraq, Burma
Eritrea, refugees
whose faces aren’t here
i guide them with words
never as harsh as a mom
because they’ve suffered
my girls? only joy
bestowed on Americans
with rich white privilege
no way to explain
my work-fair-filled church-less day
may God bless us all
a three-foot hallway
blanket, last year’s science boards
fort made of magic
here we play cadoo
spin tales with pictures and acts
clinging to our youth
she begs to cuddle
as morning melts into noon
always my baby
we play piano
i grade, then guide her through math
later, a hike fight
sun swallows the creek
as they beg back summer swims
but leaves are gold-tipped
the baby departs
we have our own sleepover
with love, city lights
they spin spaghetti
dance beside beer cyclists
here we fall for fall
should have known better
taught the oldest to shave legs
sis shaved off eyebrow
parenthood surprise
mushroom tag and night riding
her shame forgotten
watching them grow up
better than the science fair
lab filled with laughter
mountain riverbed
gold against blue aspen fire
drive dipped in heaven
waterfall delights
imaginative girls’ eyes
a doll’s paradise
toes dipped in ice falls
while leaves leave us dipped in gold
summer dipped in fall
after-death clean-out:
desk too big for any room
memories replayed
pictures old and new
as far back as pain will reach
childhood relived
my life: email eye
spying on my every move
wait for responses
girls spin through crying
once it was: feed me, change me
now? essay, read, bathe
single motherhood:
just one week, and not for me
(found him at nineteen)
rushed dinners, yelling
later: lawn, Where’s Waldo search
we’ll never find him
his day versus mine:
turmoil a different tune
loss and love, rebirth
how they bring me joy
after all the years and tears
how they bring me joy
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