how loud his voice is
when i hear it soberly
no numbness to mask
how aching my head
just shy of three weeks without
sugar going… gone
how did i get here?
the truth is too hard to bear
seen with my new eyes
how will i go on?
pounding head, clean liver, hope
for a better life
health
Black and White and Blue
winter-lit moments
after seventeen hours
are worth the world
clean house, soft kitty
best: sun in January
will soothe me to sleep
Los Ganadores
fourteen class hours
in three days. cold winter walk
to house of illness.
no breaks this weekend
as oldest tells project woes
(procrastination)
middle craves pancakes
but class again tomorrow
allows no bake time
(he’ll be up all night
holding a pail for baby
to give me this chance)
as it’s always been–
i work, work, work… he supports
(and we’re all winners)
Always a Top Ten
reasons why i stopped:
one–brutal voice in writing,
uncensored anger
two–not much laughter,
too much crying to count
(my tear stained regrets)
three–exhausted sleep
from too many restless nights
swimming in nightmares
four–so much good lost
on the desire to numb,
to not fully live
five–waste of money
in times when we had little,
in times when we’re rich
six–lust and lack of
mediocre love-making
blurred by consumption
seven–fat belly
of someone too far along
to give up this quick
eight–every bad choice
i have made as an adult
came from that bottle
nine–joy i once felt
disappeared on icy rocks
of my lost chances
ten–my daughters’ eyes
watching every move i make
(and i’m making… them)
Spread It
this is just to say
the children can eat vegan
and cheer, not complain
small victories won
(cashews, beans, taco flavor)
to top our Tuesday
Semi-Herbivore
vegan trial day:
cashew sour cream, autumn stew
Brussels sprouts and all
so far, a success
library cookbook winners
for meatless Sunday
Twilit Trees
winter walk outlasts
the pouty mood she’s been in
(teen angst mystery)
perhaps she saw light
filtering through twilit trees
revealing herself
or found joy in steps
filled with imagination
shared by her sisters
whatever it is
that brings her bright smile back
i’ll take with this walk
A Tinge of Color
the long walk to school
(meant to calm dreaded return)
backsplashed by moonlight
it lit my trapped way
to judgment i can’t escape
via teenage angst
then came home to lies.
sometimes life is like a cell:
the beginning, the end
yet, there is escape
small moments of truth and love
backsplashed by sunrise
Angel Bear
finally a break
monotony busts busy
cross-stitched piece by peace
of course, a bike ride
soaking in late autumn sun
that shines on Denver
laser tag trial
semi-wary girls: boy land
(we fight our way through)
tea, soup, spoon bread, love:
dinner stewing our return
(housewifery week)
end with beginning:
angel bear guarding baby
waiting to come out
Partially Hydrogenated Life
another rushed night
such is double income life
no time, bit more cash
menu broken down:
grass-fed beef, onions, cabbage
(and fridge-popped biscuits)
yes, life has become
hydrogenated oil
and jarred minced garlic
because you can’t win
(either work to death or cheat)
without Pillsbury
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