Eye of the Storm

after-death clean-out:
desk too big for any room
memories replayed

pictures old and new
as far back as pain will reach
childhood relived

my life: email eye
spying on my every move
wait for responses

girls spin through crying
once it was: feed me, change me
now? essay, read, bathe

single motherhood:
just one week, and not for me
(found him at nineteen)

rushed dinners, yelling
later: lawn, Where’s Waldo search
we’ll never find him

his day versus mine:
turmoil a different tune
loss and love, rebirth

how they bring me joy
after all the years and tears
how they bring me joy

Life. Love. Loss.

before dawn message
asks permission for my love
i’m awake, ready

my soul sister breaks
before the sun emerges
i’d give her my life

sleep is a present
unpresent in this week’s life
seven days of hell

he flies tomorrow
what if he doesn’t make it
in time for her death?

my girls play the wii
squealing with best friend’s pained joy
parents’ illness wins

and yet they smile
dress up in formal attire
perfect for their game

living life scares me
as i list all my boyfriends
kindergarten up

ask him to recall
if he searched for love like me
or found it at home

he cannot answer
too consumed by coming grief
losing his mother

they will play all night
and go vacation their dreams
never knowing loss

that is what i want
no search for school boyfriends
just love at home. LOVE.

Pick Your Battles

a day in the park
as autumn weather moves in
cold ices my veins

sisterly battles
between friendships and trees
which one should i climb?

criticism blast
before Middle Eastern meal
battle of parents

which one should i choose
the oak dropping its acorns
or drought-dying maple?

a day in the park
full battle gear, war ready
at least we can choose

Labor Day

baby stops mid-hill
after fifteen miles, done
she’s still my winner

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i will wait for her
as we end this Labor Day
she is my last one

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my beach day Denver
filled with beautiful sun girls
swimming and cycling

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dreams are made this way
blue skies, wood-fired pizza, sun
and spinning tires

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confluence meets park
bike path meets Vittetoe fam
we meet our happy

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summer’s end flowers
and a zip line that beats Spain’s
best spent allowance

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unions gave day off
for sleeping in and waffles
life’s a rented dream

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i think in haikus
in between Monday cycles
that bring creeks and joy

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Endlessly

with golden eyelashes he sleeps
after telling the Martian story
to which only Mythili would listen
black and dark makeup-less beauty
that none of us can understand,
the one who said three months back
that she’s most like me
(all i thought of were the endlessly
imaginative doll stories, and how i hated
dolls) only to realize that
my most responsible proactive middle child
had me pegged

and how can i sum up an August Friday?
it would begin with carrying
an ever-bending begonia
through three hallways
and six sets of stairs
my endlessly flamboyant classroom colleague
holding the admin parking door open
to ask
why are women so needy?
is this why i don’t like them?

before the sun has even completely
emerged from Colorado clouds

it would end with pumpkin pie
burning up my no-a/c house
and my baby’s hands weaving
bits of crust
over her apple pie dream
as expertly as she did at age three
when Thanksgiving meant more to me
than any other holiday

in the middle, with my middle child?
school posters and schedule nightmares,
the signage of every teacher,
where i walk into that school
and every capillary in my body
is pumping blood for students
i haven’t even met

a meeting, a speech that makes me
want to hug my enemy
and wish that last year
could have been mine
ours
and the end-of-day email
blasting me
in ALL CAPS
for putting my students first
even if HE WOULDN’T

Mythili, Mythili, Mythili
who was born a writer like me
a crone before her time
whose head turned towards me on day two
how could i not know
after the
twin-in-looks-forever-defiant-Izzy
and
shy-as-a-cactus-in-December Riona
how could i not see myself in her?

the pie is in the oven
and 24 people will populate
the space between an 1864 ditch
and the playground of my youth
before i can even blink
my baby has turned 8

and we will have pie.
apple. lattice top composed
by nothing-like-me Riona.
pumpkin. requested by
my twin, Mythili.
whipped cream. to spray
in mouth of endlessly-flamboyant Isabella.

tomorrow? we will party in the park,
forget that there’s no cake.
or that schedules aren’t students.
and remember how much,
how painfully much,
we love each other.

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Laundry of Life

the morning breakdown:
poles, bags, pans, miracle trunk
pack our memories

quick stop for short hike
pass waterfall, aim higher
switchback to our view

it is a fine sight:
family of five, swollen legs
lake steals horizon

five showers, three loads
phone calls, dishes, and errands
aprés camp bed? YES!!

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Life’s a Rented Dream

silver blades cut grass
mad dash for registration
test Ukrainian

new face with bright smile
knows his English isn’t great
how will he survive?

miracle trunk packed
in temporary dream car
life’s a rented dream

reservation lost
we take his lucky number
campsite without view

girls venture for joy
find una buena vista
wood-filled arms return

though we lack lake view
the mountaintop appeases 
so rocky, this life

that makes our Friday
mow, pack, register, test, camp
obligations, loves

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Challenge

over basketball
we come clean with our spent day
he out shoots me; wins

meandering drives:
his through streets, mine through planning;
family meets career

girls sing their way home
in Spain, street dinners would start
here? hollow, dark paths

i’m trapped here for now
because i love kids too much
equal, theirs and mine

over drinks divulged
the story of single life
that he saved me from

penniless in months
i’ll press my lips against his
and let love beat all

better than harsh words
or baseball abandonment
why i married him

we will survive this
as hard as the year in Spain
that i so long for

Joy Among Us

a flat starts the day
with a little pump, i ride
hills, mountains: progress

web site down, ends work
why not take the dry cleaning?
dead car battery

bored girls seek street friends
they’re at camp, then tutoring
where is their summer?

then, a text invite:
pool party, later denied
(for members only)

embarrassed, we leave
without the key to rich friends
our small house fills up

this after cold talk
screaming drive, snatching pillow
the girls unaware

of how i haiku
remnants of a hollow day
door shut, him sleeping

but before closed doors?
they street-danced on rollerblades
still making the best

i close itchy eyes
view the world through young faces
all i see is joy

Forecast

in and out of the storm
we make our way back
rain splattering our shorts
and breaking free
moments later
into a burst of sunshine

she wants to watch
and i want to read
so together we share
a peaceful afternoon

then
a flurry of evening activity
picking up giggling sisters
heading out into traffic jams
shopping and dining
ending with curt requests
and bewildered hugs

on the drive home
droplets sprinkle the windshield
we talk about the hollow house
whose noise will burn their eardrums
on the other side of the city
and i think about her pursed lips
her tense request

and i wonder
if the storm will steal our silence