now the plants are gone
there is no life in our house
home is somewhere else
poetry
That Would Be My Way
to have my life played out in notes–
that would be my way
there is music in the relentless wind,
in leaves that swoop seemingly silent to the ground
in the bubbly laughter of a small child
for me it would be more traditional—
the white piano keys overtaking a room
in a cacophony of melody,
the voice everyone hears and loves in
one swelling moment of listening lust,
notes drawn out in minds, hands, ever-tapping feet,
playing out my life—
that would be my way
to have my life played out in song—
that would be my way
lyrics that cling to my daughters’ voices
and follow them into adulthood,
harmonies holding up the background
of every overly dramatic scene,
the sharp choruses and smooth verses
of songs that soothe me to sleep—
that would be my way
Beginning, Middle, End
let me tell a story.
it will begin with 25 hours
of uploading documents,
calling colleges,
begging for recommendation letters,
watching my perfect English writing
get butchered into
fucked-up Spanish by Google Translate,
sealing it all up a month in advance,
and moving on with my life
(mostly indifferent)
it could begin with
my 19-year-old dream,
thousands upon thousands of dollars
poured into a degree
i always hoped to utilize
upon its fulfillment
in the middle:
i’ve lost count of crying sessions–
my tears are too deeply rooted on my face
for anyone to really see them (me).
maybe i could find them in the house
i’ve spent a month packing
into one tiny room,
or in the resignation paper
where i signed my life away,
or in the credit card statement
i will never be able to pay back
in the end:
i could be here,
homeless, jobless,
relentless in my pursuit
of everything i thought i wanted,
when all it took
was putting it all on the line
to realize that line
should never be crossed
Free
it’s not pizza
it’s Beau Jo’s
and we pile on honey
drive across grid-lined neighborhoods
and pray our van won’t die
between Denver and the suburbs
the kids are free tonight
we are free tonight
though strapped down by
a mortgage
two semi-functioning vehicles
endless governmental fees
and a dream that breaks my heart
every time the sun rises
Pandora nor my Mac
will play my music loud enough
i still love them anyway
and though we go to Spain
though we put our lives on the line
to go to Spain
i will love you anyway
Goodbye
they play our music
piano bar tunes to last
longer than this will
Circular
a bee stung me today
right above my ear on mile 148
my seven-year-old might
start third grade in Spain
my former colleagues
discussed my job opening
the devils of divorce
and the two-faced
behavior of administrators
this is a list poem
i had two beers
and watched my Spaniards
pack up twenty bags
for the journey i will
soon take my family on
this is the beginning of the end
and the end of the beginning
how circular life can be
when in words we cannot express
all the emotions that draw
the endless lines together
Golden Twilight
i pedal into the sunset,
his dinner in my belly,
blue mountains backed by
a golden western sky
gold shines upon the path,
the endless evening walkers,
melts into cotton candy clouds
turning twilight into night
the circular connection of trails
brings me in and out of cities,
a world all my own, filled with
cottonwoods, creeks, canals
i imagine the townhome
hidden somewhere along the way
where we will retire, bring
our grandchildren home to
i could pick it out along the trail–
a tiny yard, garage, swimming pool,
shaded by the trees along the creek,
protected from city splendor
it would be as perfect as these moments
along the path, my pedals spinning
behind blue mountains, the golden twilight
that we will one day call our own
Soft Petals
just like the cactus flower
so rare and beautiful
that pops up yellow and pink
in the early part of summer
you dart in and out of seasons
shyly sneaking soft petals
up into the sunlit sky
amongst a world of thorns
No One Notices
she is five
she is my baby
we stand in hot sun
beneath a bittersweet ending
i help her hold up her hand
and when she isn’t included
no one notices
and i feel smaller than her
when he comes up and asks
if i’m some other girl’s mother
so he can invite her (not mine)
to a birthday party?
all i can do
all i can do
is be grateful for my new
dark sunglasses to hide my tears
and the worries that rest
deep in a mother’s heart?
this is the bittersweet beginning
of a lifetime more
Simplicity
five simple life rules:
work, play, eat, drink, enjoy all
don’t make it complex
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