Day Seven, Road Trip 2015

walk across downtown
 with my urban planning mom
 walking rating: zilch
 
 veggies are heavy
 when carrying Kentucky
 weight on both shoulders
 
 redemptive moment
 on green lake with blue kayaks
 (words he’ll never read)
 
 a campfire end
 to a summer daydream trip
 (only innocence)
 
 full circle i’ve turned
 since five years back, her birth year
 (my first niece. cousins)
 
 but he won’t see that.
 only weakness bearing down
 on our bright union
 
 love like this? just once.
 with dark swings on late porches
 he can’t even touch
 
 but for her bright eyes
 the firelit sunset eve
 forgiveness follows.
 

Day Five, Road Trip 2015

one last garden stop
 hard to say if we’ll be back
 beaches, lakes… await
 
 

Day Four, Road Trip 2015

a secret rope swing
 hidden behind leafy steps
 splash into heaven
 
 picture with Pappy
 grandchildren nearly grown up
 only photos last
 
 the force of magic
 light from cousin to cousin
 summer bright as night
 

  

By Heart

a freshwater lake
 found from memory; a hike
 better baptism
 
 childhood relived
 through my daughters’ newfound strokes
 saltlessly sweet taste
 
 coves around corners
 wind-whipped waves licking the shore
 new memories made
 

Day Two, Road Trip 2015

sunrise wake up call
 to start farmland forest view
 save me from the drive
 
 kids sleep, eat, play, grin
 laugh with their pit-stop cousins
 sunset goodnight view
 
 all America
 lies between the road and sun
 the love for travel
 

Hazel at Best

four weeks: iced mocha
 from his teacher’s salary
 to my starving morn
 
 one more disruption
 to make my students argue
 (entitlements rule)
 
 his blue-eyed gesture
 almost makes the sacrifice
 worth the sinking sun
 
 he knows and i know
 that he can’t buy my return;
 best or not–i’m gone
 
 no blue eyes at home
 (from my man or anyone)
 on my girls’ faces
 
 nor a mocha bribe
 for the heart-winning teacher.
 cynic? true. best? yes.
 
 no film, court judges,
 observers, department heads
 are worth this money
 
 ’cause money can’t buy
 another summer soon lost
 in a blue-eyed search
 
 
 

Fruit Snacks

twenty pounds of fruit
 too many carrots to count
 unwanted by teens
 
 this bag carries all
 sometimes heavy, sometimes light
 let’s make us some juice!
 
 road trip car snack solved
 puréed, frozen, cooler prepped
 break open and serve
 
 (how i miss my girls
 away at camp, house too still)
 i fill it with plans
 
 

Weathering

flat tire, blue sky
 my Saturday summer break
 (till summer school ends)
 
 goslings with goslings
 we cycle through challenges
 and beat the rain home
 
 My Brother’s Bar waits
 with a perfect patio
 and Arnold Palmers
 
 REI repairs
 what’s left of my human faith
 ride home: tires full
 
 the creek overflows
 not enough to stop my girl
 (daredevil like me)
 
 now, patio time
 lighter rain than what we’ve had
 such is life, weather
 

The Buck that Burns Across My Back

It is 14:52 on the eve of ESL summer school. We have spent an entire day, AN ENTIRE DAY, planning for a sixty-five-minute lesson from curriculum that we first laid our eyes on this morning after a completely different and unrelated ENTIRE DAY presentation of curriculum yesterday. And at this moment, he announces that tomorrow, for the first day, the schedule will be “different.” That all our lesson planning has just been flushed down the toilet that has become our society.

I cried on my two-mile walk this morning. Not because it was too hot, or the views of the Perfect Denver Neighborhood weren’t impeccable. Or because I had to teach summer school for four weeks to pay for summer camp for my girls for ONE. But because of an article I read about the University of Phoenix, of all things. About how, in five years, their enrollment has decreased by fifty percent. And starting July 1st, a new law will require that they prove that their graduates make enough money to pay back the loans that their for-profit greed has forced them to take.

I was thinking these things as I made my way across town to the locale of this year’s grant-funded summer school, the University of Denver, a NONprofit institution with gorgeous grounds and transgender bathrooms and air conditioning and classes that start at $1200 a CREDIT.

And how screwed I am. Not because I think that the University of Phoenix is so damn amazing that it could grind up the 100-year-old trees of Denver’s “Ivy League of the West.” But because I have to do this. I have to do this damn summer school and have a part time job as an adjunct-but-never-real professor, that I have to bend my will to the beck and call of disorganized, incapable-of-communicating administrators, all for the buck that burns across my back.

That the measly $600 that I sometimes earn in a month at the University of Phoenix is sometimes all that keeps us from bowing down to debt.

And when he comes in at 13:33 and tells me that they haven’t been able to contact more than 11 students for our summer school, I ask him if it will be cancelled, if I will be shit out of luck on all counts this Tuesday. “No worries… it’s already accounted for… a grant. No pasa nada.” And his blue eyes and Argentinian accent are slappable. “And who paid for it?” I demand, the third time in two months I’ve asked, a question he’s dodged until this moment. “Well… you have. The taxpayers. The READ Act.”

And it all circles back to me. The University of Denver grounds I stand on that have been manicured by professional gardeners. The school I could never afford to attend, nor will any of my children even think of applying to. The public education that is filled and funded with so many holes, twenty-seven gorgeous textbooks, full-color photos and activities galore, a slew of classroom supplies including an electric pencil sharpener, that 11 students will take advantage of … all the rest? To waste.

The “for-profit” evil University of Phoenix that has allowed my family to break free of the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle that is a teacher’s salary, that allowed us to live on a pittance in Spain, that has allowed me to… breathe.

What is an education worth? Why won’t parents commit to a forty-five minute bus ride for free materials, expert teachers, individualized classes, and free breakfast and lunch? Why won’t the University of Denver be asked to publish data on how many students graduate with a super-fancy psychology degree and start their salaries at $22,000? Why won’t our government ever just see that EDUCATION SHOULD BE FREE??

This is my Tuesday. Let the games begin. The Hunger Games, real world style.

What Makes a Marriage

The campground we paid $57 to reserve was covered in snow. Bruce texted me at 2:52 and said we had to cancel. I thought of six devastated girls and my Jordan National Forest upbringing. “Just drive down 285. Surely there’s something.” He reluctantly agreed to meet me in Buena Vista. At 8pm, we pulled into our non-campground, no-bathroom site and fixed Spanish dinner by 19:30. 😉 The next morning it rained/hailed for 3.5 hours, ending with a frightening lightning storm when I said, “Kids, get in the car! NOW!!” And I blessed the lord to let him drive…. Up the road and into a mud pit. He screamed, cried out, “Our brand new car!! Why did I do that?! Why did we come on this trip?!!” And I opened my door, stepped in 7 inches of mud, and walked 100 yards to a camp full of 4-wheel-drive fanatics who came with their tow line and Jeep Rubicon and pulled all 8 of us, Pilot and all, right out of that pit of hell. And he drove reverse for a quarter mile (something I could never do) and the hail melted and the rain stopped and that’s. What makes a marriage.