Recipe for Beating a Cold

PREP: 8 hours and 37 minutes TEMP: 68 degrees
Ingredients
8 hours of sleep
1 treadmill
2 cups of patience
3 tissues
1 pair of sneakers
1 pound determination

1. Go to bed early and ignore the sore throat that’s trying to keep you awake.
2. Hop out of bed as soon as the alarm screams at you.
3. Use the bathroom and blow your nose three times with your tissues. Swallow two cups of patience because you’re going to need it.
4. Carry your determination to the workout room and tie your sneakers. Don’t drop the determination or you’ll never get through this!
5. Step on the treadmill and set it to 7.3. Run like hell for four miles in thirty-three minutes, always carrying your determination and keeping your breathing steady.
6. Step off the treadmill. Take a few deep breaths and smile at your clear nose, your painless throat, and your ability to overcome.

Parent/Teacher Conferences

here we sit waiting for you
your kids’ grades in the queue
but you’re not here, you’ve disappeared
for your kids’ future we’ve volunteered
our time, our work, our care, our love
for them we strive to go above
whatever task you require of us
we throw ourselves in front of the bus
but when we make this time for you
there are other things that you pursue

and yet when it is time to blame
you seek us out with your flame
“scores are low, kids are dumb”
as if we are the lowest scum

but I do not see you here tonight
making our kids’ futures bright
so hush your song and close the lid
on every word that you once hid

I don’t want to see in tomorrow’s news
the disgraceful lies that you accuse
because we are here now, you are not
let’s hope their future doesn’t rot

February Daughters

Riona

You were getting into bed last night
still waiting for us to cover you up
when you told me a story,
your three-and-a-half-year-old
version of a story

“I had to get my piwow
and then I saw that Snoopy wasn’t
he-ah, so I got Snoopy and
put him down they-ah,
and it’s my Snoopy not Isabewa’s
she thought he was hers
but that one’s mine.”

And I realize as I write this
that I have a poet
for my youngest daughter,
and if not a poet,
a poem.

Mythili

Holding your stomach all
through the crowded mall
you let me know
it was time to go
you rushed to the van
holding out your hand
“I need my blankey
I need my blankey”
the door opened wide
and you dashed inside
five minutes couldn’t pass
with your eyes turning glass
your fingers curled silk
like it was mother’s milk
your lids relaxed
sleep came fast
and all was calm in Mythili land
because of the blankey in your hand.

Isabella

Turning seven to you
means a tea party
filled with pink cupcakes
and a houseful of girls
daintily sipping from china cups
only to abandon the table
for screaming pursuits
of chopped-up white snowflakes
foam doilies and spilled glitter glue,
cat chasings and scavenger hunts
whose competition almost drew blood
a smile on your face
as you hand out goodie bags
blow out your candles
and remark more than once,
“Three hours is not long enough.”

Happy birthday my love,
my first child
whose energy fills our lives
for every waking moment.

Consumerism on Presidents’ Day

We went to the mall today. Packed with shoppers. We almost never buy anything there other than a shake that we all share from Chik-Fil-A. We take the girls to play on the little play area and peruse the puppies in Pet City and to kill an afternoon without spending more than $5. Isabella had to go to the bathroom and suddenly we were in the back of Macy’s when we started looking at all the nice leather sectionals that were $2000. “When we get our tax return,” Bruce joked. Who has $2000 to spend on one piece of furniture? And that was the sale price, the Presidents’ Day sale.

We started walking out and the girls examined the plate sets, the men’s shirts, the towels and sheets. “Hey, this isn’t the mall, this is like a regular store!” Isabella announced, having never really been inside one there before. Everything was on sale, we could have got some real deals, $20 dress shirts instead of $40, a $15 lingerie Valentine set, already marked down the day after. All because… because why?

Why do we have the day off today? Have we all forgotten? Here we are stuffing ourselves with fast food concoctions and filling our shopping bags with sale items and doing anything but taking a moment to realize why this is a federal holiday. This is the typical American interpretation of a holiday: consumerism.

I’m sure Lincoln and Washington are turning over in their graves right now. What were they fighting for anyway? What have we forgotten in the course of 230 years? Is this really what freedom and equal rights and human sacrifice have all amounted to? A winter clearance of coats and boots in every store countrywide?

Sometimes I ask myself, what has this country come to? How is it that the things that sustain us—the buying and selling of goods—are the same things that destroy us? How can we simultaneously prevent and prepare for a recession, just as Einstein once asked the same question about war?

When I buy anything, I am wrought with guilt. I think about the person in China who made my product and a hundred others like it for a dollar a day. Instantaneously, I think of the store-owners and employees who will be out of work if I don’t buy more. I think of the destruction of natural resources from the production of each item. And I think of how spoiled we all are, how we think we need more than what we need, and how my children’s future will be impacted by this.

But today, as I witnessed sale after sale in honor of Presidents’ Day, all I could think about were arguably the two most influential presidents of all time and their idea of the American Dream. Did Washington read the Declaration of Independence to his suffering troops during the winter at Valley Forge, did Lincoln sign the Emancipation Proclamation and take the first step towards equality, for us to save a few bucks and add to the debt and environmental nightmare that we’ve been swimming in for years? And if this is how we honor our presidents, the leaders of this great nation, where is our country headed?

I can’t answer that question. I can only reach out and take my girls’ hands and lead them out of the mall. Perhaps this is the first and most important step to guiding the next generation in the direction of the real American Dream: the dream our presidents had, once. The one about freedom. Not consumerism.

On Valentine’s Day

here we are
in our pajamas
munching on
leftover tea sandwiches
(mozzarella tomato,
tuna salad,
strawberry cream cheese)
before six o’clock
on Valentine’s Day

just hours beyond
a house filled with girls
in dress-up clothes
(dresses with puffy sleeves
and hems at the ankles)
who sipped from
white china cups
and licked pink
cream cheese frosting
off heart-shaped
red velvet cupcakes.

there are five of us now,
poor Daddy outnumbered
(even the dog is a girl)
and we share a box
of chocolates for dessert
given to our oldest daughter
(who celebrated seven years today)
by her boyfriend,
each girl picking out
a different fruity flavor.

and I think, as my youngest
takes a bite she doesn’t like and
brings her chocolate to my lips,
how unromantic this is,
yet
so very filled with love
on Valentine’s Day.

Apology

oh, this is boring to you?
you would rather we not watch this video?
I would like to see your friends taken away
one by one
only for you to discover the gaseous
infusions that steal the air from their lungs
after weeks, months, years
without more than gruel to eat,
whips on backs,
clothingless filth
and no parents to cry to
(they are already gone)

boring, you say?
because you are so busy
sneaking to the restroom
to slip in a text, send a photo,
and check on your layers of makeup,
to be sure your revived 80’s
leggings look just right under the
mini skirt that barely covers your ass?

let me apologize.
I didn’t mean to plan six weeks
of lessons about tolerance,
history,
and revelations of truth
that should shock you to the core.

what I meant to do was
strip you of your identity,
call you names that only Satan would repeat,
demoralize you in front of your peers and the world,
and murder every person you’ve ever loved.

then maybe, just maybe,
you might come into my class,
sit quietly in your seat,
be grateful for every carefree moment
you’ve been handed by the
generations before you who were not carefree,
and let the tears that have been hiding inside you
slowly,
slowly,
slide down your cheeks.

Momentum

in science we learn about momentum.
we watch videos of soap box derbies,
balls bouncing,
rockets blasting into space,
and the mathematical formula seems so simple:
mass times velocity equals momentum

but I am a linguist
and all I can think about is
the root movere,
to move
which is simpler to understand
and describes,
in its perfect infinitive form,
what you do to me.

My Stunning Flowers

I carry inside myself the desire to be better,
to always sit with you and help you find every
place where your puzzle pieces go,
to tell you, yes, forty minus three is thirty-seven,
to play family while I hold the piggy and you hold the koala

and not to wash these dishes
not to gather my breakfast ingredients
or set up my morning coffee,
not to look at the computer for just one moment

I think how you will be as women
falling in love
going off to college
calling to tell me about your first real jobs
and I both despise and relish these thoughts

I look forward to that time, to sharing
my life with you in a different way,
to see how you’ve blossomed
from the beauty of your youth into the
three unique flowers that I know you will become.

but now I struggle with my evenings,
my tense moments of tomorrow’s prep work,
my need to have a break when you are sleeping
in the brief time between your bedtime and mine

and I know that what I sacrifice is my vision of your future
and the interminable guilt that will mingle
with the sadness you will carry in your hearts,
the longing all of us will have for these moments,
these precious moments without which
you will never be the stunning flowers I have imagined.

Patriotism Then and Now

my mother and I,
we’re here behind a World War II vet
who sits on a stool as we wait in line
(it folds up into a cane)
and I think
it’s Memorial Day
and I remember both grandfathers
already buried,
their triangularly folded flags
now tucked away
just as the quills we are about to see
have been put to rest

he smiles, chuckles,
shakes the tour guide’s hand
and introduces his children,
grandchildren, great-grandchildren
who have all driven here from Baltimore
so he can see this

we enter Independence Hall
and my mother takes my hand
for just one second
but it is long enough
(almost long enough)
and as the tour guide leads us into the room
where six feet in front of us
the founding fathers swore to thirty years of secrecy
pledging their honor
for the greater good,

I see the veteran take off his hat
and wipe his eyes with the back of his hand
(I can almost feel him wiping mine)
and I think how my mother hasn’t said
one unkind or critical word all weekend
and how modestly George Washington
won a war and spoke words and led the country
and how all these years later we are still
trying to defend what was written in this room

while the tour guide struts with a framed,
fake version of the longest lasting laws
any country has ever known,
and the vet puts his hat back on,
puts his arm around his wife,
and leads his family into the beautiful sunshine
of the city of brotherly love,
another generation of freedom fighters
listening to every precious word he has left.

Gorham Pageant of Bands

Growing up in a small town can have its magic moments of freedom, like never having to worry about locking your door, visiting the town store so many times that the owners know you by name, or being able to stay up until the bats come out while you play cops and robbers with the neighbors. But the excitement of crowds and city life always enticed me as a child, and it was something I rarely experienced firsthand, except just once a year, the most magical day of the year for my small town of Gorham, New York.

The Pageant of Bands.

This event encompassed my desires for thrills, happiness, and excitement so much that I would prepare for its arrival months in advance and still be talking about it for the rest of the summer. While I didn’t play any instruments myself, having all the high schools from the wider rural area come to our town for a parade/competition meant nothing less than a day of thrills. For once, our town had vendors come in selling everything I always wanted and my parents never bought for me: hot dogs, corn dogs, cotton candy, snow cones, ice cream, fried dough, nachos, curly fries smothered in cheese, and souvenir items like balloons, banners, and flags. To my town, my little Podunk town where the other most exciting event that occurred was the annual volunteer firehouse pancake raffle.

Each year, upon the approach of June, my neighbor, Jen and I would save every penny we could—we’d collect cans we found in alleys and ditches, turning them in for five cents apiece, save change left over from purchasing our lunch, and sacrifice our measly allowances, normally set aside for buying whatever allotments of candy and push-up ice creams they sold in the store, so that we would have money to spend at the annual Pageant of Bands.

The morning of the event, I’d be up at dawn, scouring the streets for any sign of life. As the school buses and event vans poured into town, parking in the school lot at the top of the hill on Main Street, I had my money and my autograph book ready. Jen and I would meander through the uniformed band members, admiring their bright gold medallions, their tassels of every school color ranging from hunter green to maroon, their hats that looked like white mockeries of top hats, their glistening leather boots and pants that appeared to be born perfectly folded, and collect signatures.

For some reason I had grown to love the band from Waterloo, and I always started with them. At age eight, I didn’t seem to grasp the fact that these bands represented high schools, or the age was far too distant for me to fathom, so I admired them as much as if they were Hollywood movie stars. Every year I was greeted with surprise bouts of glee as they signed my autograph book, and thinking back on it now, I don’t know who was happier about the whole thing, them or me.

After we’d made our rounds with the bands, we’d meander through the tables and stuff ourselves with the wares that were magical. My personal favorites were snow cones and cotton candy. I would suck all the juice from the snow cone and crunch on the ice as the bands began marching by, pounding on their drums, belting out glorious tunes on their trumpets, tubas, and trombones, and keeping the perfect alignment of steps as they smoothly made their way up the hill. By the end of the event, my snow cone had melted, and I would begin working on my cotton candy, pulling small tufts into my sticky fingers, creating little cubes and popping them into my mouth, luxuriating on the sweet, grainy satisfaction as the cotton slowly dissolved on my tongue.

The Pageant of Bands ended the school year and began my summer. It made me and everyone else I knew in the town feel that, for once, the spotlight was on us. Years later, after moving away and living the exciting city life that I’d always dreamed of as a young child, I can still hear the beat, feel the momentum building, and relish in the smooth movements of the bands as they marched up the hill, marking the new season and my heart with their music.