The Very End

Most people question the crazy ideas I come up with. Renting out our house for example, with all our stuff in it, though we’d only be gone for the summer. Taking on a second job, though simple and accommodating, though we might not be too desperate for money. Spending the entire summer living in a one-bathroom, technically-two-bedroom house with eight people, three cats, and two dogs. Just to name a few.

My extraordinary concoction of plans for Father’s Day, as soon as Bruce said he wanted to see Fort Donelson, a national park and Civil War battlefield about sixty miles from Mayfield in Tennessee, would probably lead most people to think I am truly insane. Yes, the high today was 98 degrees, and yes, I was determined to ride my bike those sixty miles, even though it meant waking at four in the morning and leaving, quite literally, at the crack of dawn.

There is no way that one blog post can capture the ride in words that would adequately describe it. Where would I begin? With the picture I took of cornfields as the sun shot up, the dew so dense you could literally see moisture lingering in the air? Of riding through downtown Murray, past the 1800s stone buildings, the magnificent courthouse, then making three short turns and finding myself on a narrow country road that curved through a dense forest, over streams, past an ancient cemetery, and into the bright morning sun that blossomed the cornfields into shades of yellow and green? Of the many turns I had to make as I navigated through the back roads, my only way of knowing I’d crossed into Tennessee being one labeled, “State Line Road?” Of the turn onto a rocky red-dirt road that meandered through a forest thick with shade, a crossing deer, vibrant butterflies, and hills I had to climb with my not-so-adequate road bike? Of the heat that crept in slowly after eight o’clock and by ten had me taking breaks in the shade, shaking with sweat and hunger, thirst, every fifteen minutes (when my original goal was to stop every fifteen miles)? Of the four-lane highway with its wide shoulder at the end of the route, the one I’d tucked in my mind since last week’s camping trip with my favorite road sign of all time: bike route? Of the bridge where the Beatles played in my ear, “All You Need is Love” and my emotions ran so strong I didn’t know if I had tears or sweat in my eyes, or both?

No. It was the end, the very end. My beautiful “bike route” that I had worked so hard to arrive at had hills as high as mountains, each more than a mile long, some more than two. With the temperature rising to near ninety, I didn’t know if I’d make it. I had to stop at mile fifty, mile fifty-five, mile fifty-eight. With just over two miles to go, I drank the last bit of my Gatorade and lay in the (what I thought would be cool) grass under a tree. I wasn’t asleep, or passed out, or dying of heat stroke, but I knew I could if I kept going without taking a decent break. And I just couldn’t figure out how I could tackle one more ginormous hill with the thirst in my throat, my body having seeped out three Gatorades in sweat that soaked through every pore of my skin, down to the bone.

I was staring up at the giant maple above me and the thin wisps of clouds that moved just slightly on this windless day, refusing to cover the sun for even a moment, when I heard a voice that I at first didn’t recognize, I was so delirious.

“You need a ride?”

And there he was, in his Hawaii shirt, pulled over on the side of the road, walking towards me, ready to put the bike on its rack. Oh, how I wanted to say yes, yes, yes! What was another 2.5, I’d made it this far?

“No, I’m almost there, I want to do it, but do you have anything for me to drink?”

Without hesitation, he rushed back to the car, bringing back the ice-cold Gatorade he had ready for me for the end, the very end. Not for one second did he try to coerce me into putting the bike on the rack, to giving in. He could care less if I rode that bike to the end of the world or if I slept in with him on a Sunday morning, on Father’s Day, as long as I am happy.

I stood up, a bit wobbly for a moment, told him I loved him, and sent him on his way. One more huge hill later, after drinking down my Gatorade, I made it to the fort. There he was, parked in the shade, waiting for me, at the very end, the very end of the trail. Just as I know he will be waiting for me, loving me, until the very end of my life.

Most people would say I’m crazy, and they’d be right. But no one understands that craziness better than Bruce, no one loves it like he does, and that is why I love him so much today, on Father’s Day, and every other day.

Relish

What’s not to love?
Peaches and blackberries from here
in JUNE
(I’ve met the farmer, seen the farm)
a petting farm the kids will never forget
the endless two lane roads that
lead to forests, lakes, rivers,
showing off idyllic red barns,
columnar farmhouses,
well-tamed cattle and horses,
and
peace.

What’s missing?
Traffic.
Light pollution.
Unfriendly city slickers.
The rush to get… anywhere, really.
People who don’t know you wherever you go.

What’s next?
Six more weeks of bike rides,
swimming in warm-water lakes,
exploring backcountry roads,
hiking in diversified forests,
and
relishing the place we never
thought that we could relish.

1000 Words

what the camera couldn’t capture:
the red circle of sun just after dawn
rising above the soldiers of the night
the road with fewer than two hands’
worth of cars zipping past me
Riona proclaiming, “It wasn’t me”
though no one else is around
the creek bed lush with shadow
and peace on this early morning ride
the heat that seeps from all corners
of the earth, emanating into our souls
the birdlike chirps of three little girls
as they open their cards from Grandma
the tender bite of medium rare steak
for a special dinner for the five of us
the rare afternoon nap under the fan
of the climate-controlled house
the white half circle of moon just after dusk,
rising above the guardians of the day.

Crowded House

You may think that
two bedrooms, a
converted-to-bedroom dining room,
a crammed-into-corner-of-kitchen table
(seating seven), a single living room,
and yes, a single bathroom,
might be a bit crowded for
eight people (four big, four small).

Or

You may see that
three girls sharing one bed in harmony,
parents who get their own room,
dinner together as a family every night
(seating seven), sitting together to play games
and read stories, and taking turns
to share the shower, show that
love allows
eight people (four small, four big)
to make this crowded house a home.

Delete

just when i think my heart has moved on
you haunt me with messages in my dreams
forcing me to sever this one last tie that
has kept me connected to you (your life
without me) for more than a year.

it is just a click of one button (delete)
that eliminates all the hope held somewhere
within me, the hope that hovers inside my
dreams, sticking around like a bee in a
field of non-native clover.

it is just a click of one button (delete)
that i hope will rid the constant imagery,
the begging for forgiveness, the desire
that i have (that i have always had) for
you to love me as much as i have loved you.

it is just a click of one button (delete)
that i hadn’t the strength to push until today,
one year later, closing the screen (closing
my heart) to the amazing person that you (I)
have missed because of too many button clicks.

My New Kentucky Home

This isn’t what I expected.
I imagined intolerable heat
(and it can be)
flat, muggified air
(sometimes it is)
and having to drive 55 miles
to get anywhere decent
(sometimes i just ride the bike instead).

Yes, it is what I expected.
But I didn’t know about
the rolling country roads
(an endless bike trail),
the diversified forests with
trees as gigantic as the
skyscrapers I’m accustomed to,
rivers and lakes and streams
around every corner that bear
bath-warm water to swim in
morning, noon, and night,
bridges that span the lakes,
rivers, and streams in a
magnificent rainbow of
mile-long architectural beauty,
state parks that have no entrance
fees, free hot working showers,
even swimming pools, hotels,
and golf courses, with grounds
maintained as impeccably as
upscale resorts, humidity that
allows me to breathe easier,
pedal faster, and keep my
contacts in all day long,
and
love for my new Kentucky home.

Questioning Our Citified Life

I have lived in a city or suburb for most of my life. So long that I sometimes forget that my earliest memories, and many of my happiest, are rooted in the small town where I spent the formative years of my youth. My town was so small that it didn’t even have a movie theater, a high school, or any type of museum. It had what every tiny town in America has: a post office the size of a small apartment, a general store, and a café for all the farmers to go when their days in the fields have been too long.

I was reminded today, once again, of small town living. Though Mayfield isn’t quite so tiny, more like the famous Canandaigua, the “big” town of 10,000 where my parents worked, where we had to drive to buy groceries, etc., I am amazed at just how small this town is. On the bike rides in all directions I’ve taken from here, it is no more than two miles from my sister’s house, in the middle of town, until I am surrounded by two lane country roads and cornfields. To me, it is almost like existing in another dimension, so used to the city life I am.

Amazingly, they do have a movie theater here, and having nothing else to do after our daily dose of menu planning, five loads of laundry, bathing the kids and the dog and cleaning the entire house, I decided to take the girls there. I of course didn’t need to consult a map or look at Moviefone online: the marquee for the theater, on the town’s main thoroughfare, is obvious from the road with its two daily shows: one at two, one at seven.

“Where is the theater?” Myhili asked before we left.

“Right by Wal-mart.” Of course every town has a Wal-mart.

“Isabella, the movie theater is right by Wal-mart, so I know where it is already,” being the professional who has gone to Wal-mart both in the car and on the Vittetoe Express.

Leaving the house just ten minutes before two, we pulled into the parking lot of the rundown shopping center with the marquee out front. On my right was a concrete three-story building with Regents Bank written on the outside, and in front was a one-story plaza with an L-shaped line of stores and restaurants and empty plots. “Now where is the theater?” I mumbled, and circled around the bank. “Is it in the same building with the bank?”

“Why are you driving in circles?” Mythili’s finger-sucking grumbling had begun.

“Girls, help me find the theater. Do you see it?”

One of the stores was called Gotham City. I drove towards it, thinking that could be the name of a theater. I don’t know what I was expecting exactly. Perhaps a building with a higher roof, at the very least. But as I came back around from Gotham City, I saw the small blue building. It didn’t look like it could be much bigger than the ranch house where Elizabeth and Zak live.

“That’s it?” was our mutual response.

Running out of time before the show, we rushed inside, paid who I think was the owner our fare, bought popcorn, and stepped inside the tiny, empty theater.

“I think the movie’s over,” Isabella pointed out. “Everyone’s gone.”

“That means we get to sit wherever we want,” I smiled, happy about that. We settled in and all of five people shuffled in after us, but the show didn’t quite start on time.

“I think they’re waiting for all the other people to come before they can start the movie,” logical Mythili.

“Sweetie, I think this is about it.”

“How do they play it anyway?”

“With a projector. It’s a machine that runs the film.”

And before I could even turn my head, all three girls were craning their necks to the portions of the projector that actually existed in this minuscule room they call a theater.

Finally the movie came on and halfway through Shrek 4 Riona announced, “It’s a gigantic TV!”

That pretty much sums up our small town visit. We saw our movie on a gigantic TV in a room not much bigger than my sister’s living room in a town not much bigger than our suburban neighborhood. Was the movie just as good? Yes. The popcorn? Yes. The girls just as happy? Yes. Maybe a citified life isn’t the greatest after all.

Waterfront Property

at times it feels like nothing less
than a gigantic pile of work: the
seven sleeping bags, two tents,
four bags of food, two melting-quickly
coolers, dog leashes, rain flies,
camping chairs, shovel, swim bag,
toiletry bag, overnight bag… it sits in
the dirt as we lethargically carry piece
by piece and load up the two cars.

but with one last look through the
glorious green leaves out onto the
cove (waterfront property for a night),
the girls bobbing up and down in
their life jackets, Daddy with his
fishing pole, Uncle Zak dipping the
oars of the kayak into the smooth water,
i can still feel the tingle of it on my skin,
washing away the exhaustion, the work,
and bathing me in memories that will
build up a gigantic pile of love in my heart.

Southern Sweet Air

You will never know how perfectly pink
(like the cotton candy they crave) these
wisps of fluffy clouds above me dance as
my ears are filled with only the soft sounds
of arms dipping into the warm-then-cool water.

You will never taste the freshness of
this Kentucky lake (river), with the bass
biting at his bait, with the girls bobbing
up and down like lures alongside the kayak
while the sun pretends to bring coolness as it
sets behind the flood of hardwoods.

You will never have this moment (my moment)
with my face so sweetly exposed to the
southern sweet air, my ears gushing bubbles,
my heart wishing nothing more but
right now, right now, right now, because
you haven’t given in to the heat,
stripped down to your half-naked self,
and run into the water, remembering
(forgetting) for the first time
how to breathe.

Recipe for Risk

1 bike
1 narrow bridge
1 mile-wide lake
1 dose of fear for your life
2 speeding cars (instead of 20)
3 shots of adrenaline
4 cups of determination

1. Take a picture beforehand so you’ll have documentation.
2. Wait for your moment. The shoulder of the road before the bridge will help you build up your fear.
3. Mix the determination and adrenaline in a hot-as-blood concoction and hit the pavement with your tires.
4. Forget about the forty miles behind you. Focus on the beautiful lake, the white line, and the bout-to-burst heart to get you to the center of the bridge.
5. Let the cars zoom past and try to ignore the semi coming from the other direction. If you pedal with the risk of your life in your heart, you’ll make it before he does.
6. Take a picture from the other side for documentation. You might need it to remember this moment. Or, you might not. Either way, it’s a beautiful bridge.