Enough

i glide in and out of rooms all day
up and down, around they sway
as many lessons as elementary
undefinable in secondary

my students laugh when they see the same
lesson with a new text, new name
same teacher, different class
how my day zips by so fast

two, three, even four times
the same faces make these rhymes
teachers vary, steps add up
soon I am without enough

i can’t keep the pace that I have set
a new brain is what i need to get
never enough time, patience, love
for all that they need to think of.

Thinking

i may not see it through their eyes
or feel it through their legs
but the mountain lures me
and i can already sense the wind at my back
hear the spinning rubber on pavement
the thin air tightening in my lungs
and the sweet smell of pine calling me home.

it may seem crazy (and it always is with me)
but i will chase that train
climb that mountain
win that race
if only for my legs
my eyes
my heart.

with a pedal of determination
i will be just like the little blue engine
of my youth,
thinking my way to the top
thinking
thinking
thinking
all. the. way. down
to where everything tastes
better on the other side of the mountain.

Waiting

with her giant oval ears,
she turns her head from side to side
waiting

we quiet them as much
as a passel of schoolgirls can be
waiting

in a moment she stands
glassy eyes searching the grasses
waiting

out from his hollow, her fawn
bolts to nurse, jerking at her underside,
waiting

she nudges him away with a quick kick
and he crosses our trail, leaving her
waiting

we stand in a semi-quiet line,
mesmerized, in love, memories in hand,
waiting.

Constellation

just when we have stars to search for
the clouds cover the sky
a gray-yellow windswept blanket
of cool air that blows
the fire’s ashes into our faces.

it breathes whining into their voices
but isn’t strong enough
to carry me away
on a blanket of puffy nighttime clouds
back to my home
my backbone
my place to be me.

in a mostly futile attempt
they hold their glittery black star papers
under the eerie blue light of
crank-up flashlights,
then shine them anxiously
into the night sky.

a few stars tease us
but not enough to create a constellation
and their rays of light
search the holes in the blanket
for the hope, the possibility
of seeing what we all know is not there.

Leash

i didn’t have time to write this then
so i’ll put these words on paper now
to let you know just how much
your freakish actions stir me up
to remind you that
one in 750,000
is not at all going to happen
in your lifetime or mine
so shut the fuck up
let loose your leash
and let me go to sleep.

Blue Rectangle

he holds it up proud as a parent
perfectly cut into a blue rectangle
it fits behind the glossy plastic
he grins his jolly-Jun grin
and though he drives me crazy
with his grumbling questions
and loud arguing voice
(“we can’t whisper to argue!”)
he follows me home,
makes it into the dinner conversation,
and with my words,
his actions,
has made my day.

Silver Circle

you may have taken it once
but now you slide it into my palm
like a shiny new silver coin
cold and sleek against the nerve endings
i clutch it with my fingertips,
pressing, hoping it will soak up
our bodies’ heat.

(we can pretend) that you really did
snatch that shining circle out of the sky
years back or months ago
it is ours now
i open my fingers and place it
on the rough center of my tongue
(despite my efforts, its purity
keeps it cool in my mouth)

you want a taste
and its light encircles us in the yard
crickets singing love songs
wind tickling the still-summer leaves
stars peeking out, competing for room
distant traffic reminding us where we are
(we are here, we are here, we are here!)

i give it to you
the silver circle that you know i love
that we love together
and with our lips open (our hearts open)
we pass our moon back and forth.
the cold seeps away, draining into the bed
of warmth, of love we have created here tonight.

August Daughters

Riona

there was a time not so long ago
when I worried you wouldn’t walk
contented as could be you sat happily
on your bottom, legs refusing to straighten

adorable, yes, but not for a mother.
how I ached for people to stop asking
for you to reach up, put your palms on a chair,
and stand.

you are four now. Four! and have tucked
stairs, one at a time, into your steps of experience,
have learned to chase after your sisters,
rarely even begging to hold my hand to steady you.

it wasn’t a mistake that I asked my friend to
draw, in perfect artistic beauty, your favorite pets
on a pair of (my all-time favorite shoes)
Converse Chuck Taylors for your birthday. Shoes.

for my youngest girl who is perfectly happy to dig in
to the hand-me-down box and pull out a “new” pair.
But no. Those shoes are yours, only yours, and on the
same day you put their magic on your feet,

your bottom in your brand-new non-baby swing,
digging your toes into the grass to make a dirt hole
(“just like under my sisters’ swings”)
you learned how to pump. all. by. yourself.

i will never know, Riona, I will never know
what will bring more tears to this mother’s eyes:
your first step at twenty months
or your legs in the air at four years old.

Isabella

Grandma reads a book to your sisters
(you hate reading).
you sit on the couch,
swing your legs,
jump up, jump down,
grab blocks,
knock them over,
dash into the kitchen,
pick up a set of toys,
jolt over the coffee table,
sing a song.

Grandma asks your sisters
to answer a question
about the book.
Before a split second has passed,
you’ve already slipped in
the answer.
“How can these girls say anything
with this one around?”

“It’s true,” you admit.
“I know everything.”
You pick up a set of plastic bugs
and bolt away,
my speed demon of elder knowledge.

Mythili

you are so proud to be
the five-almost-six-year-old
who takes steps into the school
every day after your sister,
backpack on back,
lunch in hand,
ready for kindergarten.

i watch your smile
as you tell stories about
the block towers you’ve built,
as you “read” every detail
of pictures in elaborate tales
much better than the actual words
written in the books you love.

all i see,
beneath the layers of
worldly knowledge you have
acquired upon entering school,
is my baby girl with
her baby teeth still on top.

until they loosen,
fall into an apple or Daddy’s palm,
wait in a pillow for the Tooth Fairy,
i will hold on to this smile of yours.
it is yours, yes,
but it is mine, too.

Techno Dreams

you think you can (______)
with your fancy keys
and techno dreams
but you can’t

you may be the way
but you’ll never be
the face i need
to get me through the day

you think you can (_______)
with your high speed
and techno dreams
but you can’t

you may be the way
of the future, but you’ll
never be the love i need
to get me through the day.

Degrees

it may seem simple and small
it is and it is not
what it lacks
what you cannot see
is a degree of superficiality

(tucked into corners, it pops out)
but the shining star of this show
goes into the rehearsal time.

hours of baking, dyeing, decorating,
hours of designing, painting, waterproofing,
hours of stitching, sewing, piecing
(hours of labor that brought her into the world)
hours of labor to bring her these gifts.

what you will not see
(that elsewhere you are blinded by)
is the degree of superficiality
that makes her party
(her day, her celebration,
her place on this earth)
so simple, so small, so perfect.