amidst the chaos
of this day
(or any other)
i have missed a milestone
that even with pictures
i will never
be able to replicate

it is not the first
(nor the last).
it tears at
my heartstrings,
a reminder of
all i have lost
with everything
i have won.

i wait for the day
when what i’ve won
will fill the void
(the interminable
guilt-ridden void)
that encompasses
all i have lost.