i want to be outside of the cloud,
to see the silvery circle of sun
touching the beauteous palm of Earth,
to float above everything below me,
to let the raindrops fall from my wisps
of Heaven-sent dewy collections,
to release within my realm of realization
every bit of darkness that keeps me
here inside this churlishly cold cloud.
Month: April 2011
Announcement
you wouldn’t want to know
how i see the world
how its shadow always hovers
over its light
i wish i could push the clouds away
and hold in my hands the smiles
that pop out as easy as dust mites
on my children’s faces
but i feel the rain following me
the wind pushing at my cheekbones
and i wonder how i lost
where i lost
that innocent smile
that announcement of
i don’t have a horrible childhood
that they’re so sure to tell me
that i’ve worked so hard to create.
Without Your Words
without your words
your hippie style of teaching
your gathering in groups
your relentless rule-breaking
your freedom-comes-first
your choice-is-the-best-choice
i wouldn’t be a teacher
and yet
i am trapped under piles of
standardized tests
computerized reading programs
administrative book doctrines
absentee students, parents
and find your words difficult to read
i wish i could capture them from memory
snap up the beauty of the classroom
that my children will never know
in thirteen years of institutionalized “care,”
that i could take your vision of education,
walk it right down to Washington
and make the world the place you promised
me it was capable of being.
Half
if i could be half of who you are
the world would shine
an untouched wilderness of beauty
that no human could destroy
if i could be half
hearts held in hands would melt
kindness would seep through the air
like a feathery soft summer breeze
half of you
would be the full circle of the moon
lighting our way into the silver circle of dawn
the touch of newness fresh on our skin.
if i could be half of who you are
my nights would rest with seamless sleep
i would see the world for what it could be
never for what it is not.
i would be whole.
April 23
i will remember
the pain starting at mile thirty-four
the wind at twenty-six
the snow at thirty-nine
i will remember
the endless rolling hills
the cloud-encrusted Pike’s Peak
the socks over my double-gloved fingers.
i will remember
the ninety-eight-degree Kentucky
the mile-long hills
the luxuriant lack of wind.
i will remember
your wide and comfy couch
your set out towel and hot shower
hot chocolate waiting for me.
i will remember
four kids playing cars
three girls dyeing eggs
muscles sore for days.
i will remember this day
thirty-three degrees
sun and snow and wind
everything blowing around in my mind.
Slip
blood working its way
into every capillary,
fingertips unable to stop
trepidatious air-tapping,
her outlandish words,
my lividity alive
as you walk in
to this simmered-down
moment of fraudulent calm
i stand without words
as you disappear
reappear
and place the thick slip
of her punishment before me
she will walk away,
saunter down the hallway,
continue on with
her outspoken life,
forgetting everything
before she swallows her lunch
but i will hear
only your whispered version
of the truth
the subtle (yet so obvious) gesture
and your strength
slipped in on carbon copied paper
that i can borrow for one day.
Doorbell
the doorbell
little girl on the other side
requesting three playmates
can be a lifesaver.
Riddle
you never end
you never begin
you are neither here nor there
you are lost to all touch
yet i feel you everywhere
you are my strength
you are my weakness
you are everything i hate and love
you are the epitome of endlessness
yet i feel you nowhere
you are the spring
you are the fall
you are the song that sings
you are the night and day
yet i feel you sleeplessly
you are behind me
you are in front of me
you make me who i am
you make me who i don’t want to be
yet i will never escape.
Constant Haunt
first it’s the wind–
a constant haunt
this time as cold as father winter
then it’s the sun–
at ten thousand feet
quite the mean magician
next it’s the rain–
slinking into the camp
on tails of snow
but it’s the circle i’ll remember–
the women’s voices
calling out ideas
like flashes of starlight
overwhelming me as always
reminding me
again and again and again
that just like that
constant haunt of wind
my love for my girls
all of my girls
is embedded here today.
A Better Attitude
i’m hard-pressed to find
my miles, my mind today,
my ambition to walk down the hall
my muscles are as hard
and weathered
as stones through a storm
it’s only 9:36.
i still have four classes and
a stack of papers choking me
my mind is as scrambled
as the scattered papers
left behind by a class of forty
soon i will change into layers
of cycling clothes, clip in my shoes,
and pedal my way to a better attitude.
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