Soul Searching

not a single soul
in this forty-person room
has guts to speak truth

sadly, nor do i
phone in hand, blog post ready
[i can’t lose her now]

you see, i’ve lost her
and the darkness in my heart?
no match on this Earth

so i won’t speak truth
i’ll sugar-coat it, smile, nod:
age brings clarity

in that clarity
drink-free, sunny fall Sunday
i die to tell all

in her card, later
she’ll see every word and cry
for all that’s lost, gained

she couldn’t find words
only pics, video, songs
everything for him

i still feel empty
she texts me later, heart burned
you’re the only one…

even her husband
didn’t know who her dad was
[i’ve known her longer]

after the speeches
seeing her, baby in arms?
the love. of my life.

she is my best friend
her loss is my loss, our loss
never hers alone

bubbles in the sky
blown from his loving, warm lips
i live her longing

not a single soul
who speaks, making him perfect
will dare speak the truth

will i dare speak it?
a shadow follows her life
dark, drinking daddy