choices

Fuel

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i should have so much to say tonight
i should be writing poems left and right
i should be bleeding out all the pain
as we place ourselves upon a plane

my words were lost in early morning
my dream lost to another mourning
you’re going to Spain! they shout at me
as if these four words could set me free

i lost that freedom’s choice months ago
when they transformed their yes to a no
i want to shout upon the rooftop
the dream i had that they couldn’t stop

instead i listen to today’s muse
my fire out, in search of a fuse
one that will light up all my desires
and fuel my courage when faced with fires

Small Shadows

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on the hill of our last hike,
in sweet drinks at one last happy hour,
their voices and eyes are glazed with joy

somehow they haven’t seen
the hurt hovering around every corner,
their small shadows ghosts to
the darkness they’re blind to

i watch them climb Boulder’s boulders,
skip through the sprayground,
stand fearlessly at trail’s edge,
the steep mountain no match for their courage

if you could gather up their joy,
swallow it with angel’s rays
that stream through Colorado clouds,
if you could see the light they always see

then you’d know–
you’d let their small shadows stomp out
the hurt that hovers,
you’d be free, full of life,
ready to shake up the world.

Homonyms of Hope

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i have hidden from you my family
(the largest portion of myself)
in a (dream-filled) hot air balloon
we will travel the world,
place our feet on
never-before-seen soil,
and you will never place the real me

so many dark hours
this screen has lit my life,
my only guiding light
to a hope i lost months back
when i fed words
(fits and fits of words in two languages)
tears ever-present
words you scrupulously screen

i speak, type, pound them out to you now,
my global disconnection bleeding
through a web of wish-wash weariness
as you question my connection,
my commitment to a job you won’t quite offer

don’t you see the white light
that brought me to your screen?
oceans cannot compare
to the depths of loss i carry
heavy inside my belly,
the greatest weight (wait)
i’ve ever known

you don’t see my now-teary-eyed girls
all these months later
just realizing the loss they’ll face–
you just see my face,
stolid for you, eager, ravenous,
so i may feed them,
feed myself on a dream
i just cannot let fade to darkness

Double Entendre

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fingers search for love
if the keys could bring answers
i’d be satisfied

Ache

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school starts tomorrow
hallways filled with anxious kids
my absence unknown

Vindication

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you will not respond
our words cotton in your mouth
truth to chew, swallow

My Game Lost

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the third day
of the job i no longer have
(its nightmare clutching my morning).
the gossip regurgitated
from freshly painted new faces.
the perfection in concentration
resulting in my words
tossed back at me from
the digital keyword demon.
the ball that flies into the sky
never making contact with my arms.

my game lost
in an argument
a dream
a choice that burns me
with each rising ball of fire

give me a new day
a bright-starred moment
to know that
the person i have become
is more than a digitized rejection letter
flashing failure in too few words

Denver to Cartagena

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it hits me when
i can’t shorten the syllables of this day
like ants along a honey line
cars creep along the dam
shadows immersed in lake sparkle
the afternoon of childhood

sun sets over a new sign
the Chipotle that began on Colfax
Time Magazine didn’t mention the street name
the longest running artery
the heart of my city
only the important facts
(a fast food all-natural revolution)

the reporter didn’t taste
sour whipped cream in a failing
Dolly Madison
nor did he see the long line of lights
run from plains to foothills
bright like a glowing snake
from atop of Lookout Mountain

he isn’t from the city i love
the city i’ll soon leave behind
for a penniless carless Cartagena
where we will walk
until Spain burns blisters in our blood
and remember the blue and orange sunset
the mountain framed skyline
the artery that bled a new generation of love

When Dusk Settles In

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apology lost
i seek solitude in sky
bat’s wings renew me

The Road

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my summer review
reveals courage from within
found along The Road