daughters

May Daughters (2011)

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Riona

pieces of gold in a tiny bag
you hold it up in the dusty town
mountainous peaks bearing down

you blink at her and sniff
still after all these months
unwilling to speak a word

you cut felt in imperfect squares
around the pirates’ gold coins
so proud to pretend to be a Girl Scout

you are silently sick
never a whine or complaint
just your gentle soul of acceptance.

Mythili

you clip up your heavy bangs
emulating your sister’s idea
of new beginnings

every day you’d wear the
hand-me-down dress, so proud
that someone thought of you.

your old soul comes out
as we drive eight hours home:
“I need some air.”

you stand in the middle
pushing the new tire swing both ways
knowing you’ll bring them together.

Isabella

surrounded by friends
you are the happiest child
social butterfly fluttering by

you reorganize the backseat
toy bin, anal retentive mimicker
of mama’s nit-picky ways

you read reluctantly
in your sing-song voice
Charlotte spinning her magic web

sick sister in the night
you’ve grown up over night, miss,
“I took care of it.”

Our Day

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in 3.5 days
i have climbed two mountains
driven seventeen hours
hiked 1.5 miles
in and out of a canyon
vacuumed the house
bathed and combed three girls
hosted eleven more
drunk seven microbrews
noted the Firefox spelling inadequacies
and noticed that
my friends are all friends
with each other
our kids play like
Fairy Tale Land
perfect combinations of love
and
my veteran husband
can cook hamburgers
like there’s no other option
but meat
on Memorial Day
Love Day
Family Day
Friends Day
Coming Down the Mountain Day
this is Our Day
the love i never had
the friends i never had
the love
the love
the love
all around us.

Sunshine

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With a toddler and baby in tow,
we walked our oldest to her first day,
the door open to your preschool room
lit up with sunshine shelves of toys.

You introduced yourselves to us
as Dee Dee and Helene, to the kids
as Ms. Teddy Bear and Ms. Jelly Bean,
quick-to-be-famous names in our ears.

For years our girls brought home
button families, clothesline crafts,
Dr. Dino, and homemade, hand-guided
projects to decorate our hearts.

Time has ticked away the tininess
of the baby you give back to us now,
her Silly Award another reminder
of all that has come to an end.

You will have an endless stream
of four-year-olds to keep the youth
and sunshine smiles on your faces,
but us? It will be just this: a memory.

A memory of their first school experience
that, as parents, perhaps we’ll recall
better than them, your warmth and love
the sunshine that will guide them through the next door.

Innocent, Aging Eyes

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as age moves into my veins
and brings wrinkles to my face,
emotions tug at places within
and brighten my eyes with tears.

at twenty i never would have cried
or understood my mother’s tears
on my wedding day, my own innocent eyes
full to the brim with smiles.

now i sit beside my growing girl
watching the autistic boy step up,
his voice singing out his solo
all the way to our back-row ears.

words elude me as the tear slips out,
rolls down the aging bones of my face,
the beauty of the moment lost
in the innocent young eyes of my daughter.

Girl Scout Bridging 2011

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The year is ending;
we’re growing older.
Soon we’ll be Juniors,
bolder and bolder.

This year we’ve done
so many great events,
from camping to giving
everyone our two cents.

We started out small
and grew into this troop
that gathers cans and sells
cookies to support our group.

We’ve learned to sing
each new Brownie song
and to care for each other
all day, and all night, long.

We partied at Christmas
and again at Valentine’s,
learning our manners
in a matter of time.

Wonders of Water
taught us how to save,
for protecting our Earth
is the Girl Scout way.

World Thinking Day
taught us about the states,
we tasted many foods and
with our unit celebrated.

We mapped out xeriscaping
to help our new school;
we learned to snowshoe
and sled like no one’s fool.

We’re looking to the future,
to another great scouting year,
to earn more patches, have
more fun, and bring on Brownie cheer.

Human Trees

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trees are like humans
she says
they take forever to grow
they start small
when they’re grownups
they don’t grow anymore

they stay in one place
i want to tell her
they’re trapped by roots
taunted by wind
pelted with precipitation
they never stop growing

you’re right
i say instead
knowing that
how she sees the world
could change by morning
and i should cherish
how she sees it today.

Announcement

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you wouldn’t want to know
how i see the world
how its shadow always hovers
over its light

i wish i could push the clouds away
and hold in my hands the smiles
that pop out as easy as dust mites
on my children’s faces

but i feel the rain following me
the wind pushing at my cheekbones
and i wonder how i lost
where i lost
that innocent smile
that announcement of
i don’t have a horrible childhood
that they’re so sure to tell me
that i’ve worked so hard to create.

Doorbell

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the doorbell
little girl on the other side
requesting three playmates
can be a lifesaver.

Constant Haunt

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first it’s the wind–
a constant haunt
this time as cold as father winter
then it’s the sun–
at ten thousand feet
quite the mean magician
next it’s the rain–
slinking into the camp
on tails of snow

but it’s the circle i’ll remember–
the women’s voices
calling out ideas
like flashes of starlight
overwhelming me as always
reminding me
again and again and again
that just like that
constant haunt of wind
my love for my girls
all of my girls
is embedded here today.

April Daughters (2011)

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Isabella

how could i see only darkness
when all you’ve been trying to do
is show me your shine?

in our depths we see the light
emanating in those early moments
when first you came into the world.

their voices at your imaginative nature
and stolid toddler independence
still ring true as you toddle through school.

i will try to let loose this light,
this new view of you, if you will forgive me.
perhaps i must forgive myself first.

Mythili

as usual
you seem unaware of your surroundings.
the spring wind
that tore a bite from our kite
tries to bear down on us
as we pedal home.
you pedal away behind me
spouting out your array
of fairy-tale, Barbie-doll stories,
not even noticing
the slow and heavy pace
up the never-ending hill,
the long breaths stolen from my lungs,
your world stronger than all weaknesses.

Riona

you fit perfectly
into the shirt Isabella wore at two
and into the crevice of my lap
for our daily cuddle time.
yes, you’re the baby
and though i shouldn’t baby you
it is so hard to resist
your chunky soft cheeks
your peace talking ways
your innocence fully masked
as i hold your tiny body in mine
just as i did when you really were
my little baby.