A Quick Email to End 2019

My creative writing teacher (I will always refer to her as such even though I graduated nearly twenty-five years ago) asked us (her forever students) to send her a quick email about an important gift we gave or received this holiday.

Maybe I could snap a quick pic from the tree on Christmas Eve, filled with makeup, watercolor markers, jeans, and long-sleeved blouses for my three teenage daughters. Or of Christmas morning with the magical Apple Watches, so coveted by my Apple-only family.

Or the earrings my mother made me or the gift card to Colorado Gives from my sister.

Maybe I could capture a quick pic of my 2019 accomplishments: Writing about, and participating in, a teachers’ strike that led to a life-changing raise.

My first paid-for post. My hundreds of hours of work wrapped up in a National Board Certification. My ever-intricately-planned summer road trip across seven states.

But none of these things could begin to compare with the gift that this year has given me. The gift of this man in my life who would do anything, anything to prove his love to me. Marry me when I was just a baby. Follow me to Spain. Learn how to ski nine months and one lesson after tearing his ACL. Read every post. Drive overnight through the midwest so the entire family could sleep.

Take into our house a boy who doesn’t belong to us and in every way belongs to us.

You have watched the news. You have seen the stories. You have donated money. You have screamed in frustration at the cruelties and injustices inflicted on others by our government. By ourselves.

But have you stood in front of fourteen Newcomers and come to understand how brightly they still see our country? Have you had a hallway conversation with a boy who informs you that, after five days of walking, twenty-five days of train-hopping and pigeon-killing, two days of washing windshields in Mexico City, five days waiting to cross the Rio Grande in the middle of the night on a raft, one week in a detention center and four months in a home for unaccompanied minors, and four months in a homeless youth shelter, he is still looking for a home?

And that, no matter what, he cannot, will not, return home?

What would you do? What might you ask your husband to do? Your three ever-spoiled, ever-adaptable, ever-loving teenage daughters?

Would you keep scrolling past the images of children under space blankets on concrete floors?

Or would you realize that this boy is standing in front of you, in your school, in your class, in your life, without a home? A family? And do something? Anything?

I cannot take a quick pic of the past two weeks, the entire time that has passed between my knowledge of his status and his soon-to-be permanent placement in our home. The phone calls, the emails to every last human I could think of who might help him. The two-hour meeting with the Department of Human Services, his Honduran father on the line, ready to relinquish all rights. The background checks, fingerprints, home visits, all within a day. His arrival to my home with three garbage bags filled with clothing and no coat. The shy first meal that he took to the basement to eat. Alone. His quick smile and ever-present hope that this place must be a better place. His immediate love of our three pets.

I cannot send Mrs. Clark a quick email about my gifts this year. There are too many to count, they are the uncountable nouns I teach my Newcomers: love, hope, future, desire.

They are all in this union that the caseworker asked about today: “Married for almost twenty-two years? Tell me, how do you do it?” “Patience and love. Patience and love.”

They are here, in this boy, unwrapped, ready to be our brother, our son, part of our world.

These are my gifts. I’m sorry this is such a long email, Mrs. Clark.

 

 

A Bluebird Afternoon

so simple, really:

the teens play cabin boardgames

while we ski for love

Unseasonable

trapped in October

a winter snowfall gets lost

among leafy trees

my dog doesn’t care.

he loves snow as he loves me:

unequivocally

sometimes his love hurts

so pure is his devotion

(unreturnable)

like these autumn leaves

that can never give the tree

what it gave to them

Mount Bierstadt

first: the moon and sun

second: 8.5 miles

third: a fourteener

fourth: pomapoo strength

fifth: learning to climb mountains

sixth: altitude high

5:30, Mama??

pooped out each morning

pup is tired of school days

only one month in!

Front Range Burnout

a weekend hiking

is the only proper way

to enjoy summer

Puppy Love

even in the mud

the dog shows me endless love

unmatched for humans

Road Trip 2019: Day Seventeen, Red Sunrise

red sun, glassy lake

paddling with the puppy:

perfect lakehouse day

Road Trip 2019: Day Sixteen, Lake Vermilion

Dear Minnesota,

How do you tease with lakes buried under ice for seven months that are swimmable by July?

How my Colorado blood envies your lack of altitude.

How windy you made this lake for three days until the dusk presented a photo-less calm that brought all eleven of us onto the water.

Even Ruby, just six, paddled to the bald eagle island halfway across the bay.

Even my mother, just sixty-five, tolerated the nearly-still lake.

You should have seen it with your non-existent books, your lack of information published online, your secret beauty buried beneath ponderosa pines and fish-hunting loons.

You should have told me that peat bogs and mosquitos mask the firelit perfection of summer.

That the North Woods encapsulate the fairy tale life we’ve all wished to achieve.

I should have known, Minnesota, that you were too good to be true.

Road Trip 2019: Day Fifteen, North Woods

a sketchy bike ride

paddling against the wind

into the north sun