The Buck that Burns Across My Back

It is 14:52 on the eve of ESL summer school. We have spent an entire day, AN ENTIRE DAY, planning for a sixty-five-minute lesson from curriculum that we first laid our eyes on this morning after a completely different and unrelated ENTIRE DAY presentation of curriculum yesterday. And at this moment, he announces that tomorrow, for the first day, the schedule will be “different.” That all our lesson planning has just been flushed down the toilet that has become our society.

I cried on my two-mile walk this morning. Not because it was too hot, or the views of the Perfect Denver Neighborhood weren’t impeccable. Or because I had to teach summer school for four weeks to pay for summer camp for my girls for ONE. But because of an article I read about the University of Phoenix, of all things. About how, in five years, their enrollment has decreased by fifty percent. And starting July 1st, a new law will require that they prove that their graduates make enough money to pay back the loans that their for-profit greed has forced them to take.

I was thinking these things as I made my way across town to the locale of this year’s grant-funded summer school, the University of Denver, a NONprofit institution with gorgeous grounds and transgender bathrooms and air conditioning and classes that start at $1200 a CREDIT.

And how screwed I am. Not because I think that the University of Phoenix is so damn amazing that it could grind up the 100-year-old trees of Denver’s “Ivy League of the West.” But because I have to do this. I have to do this damn summer school and have a part time job as an adjunct-but-never-real professor, that I have to bend my will to the beck and call of disorganized, incapable-of-communicating administrators, all for the buck that burns across my back.

That the measly $600 that I sometimes earn in a month at the University of Phoenix is sometimes all that keeps us from bowing down to debt.

And when he comes in at 13:33 and tells me that they haven’t been able to contact more than 11 students for our summer school, I ask him if it will be cancelled, if I will be shit out of luck on all counts this Tuesday. “No worries… it’s already accounted for… a grant. No pasa nada.” And his blue eyes and Argentinian accent are slappable. “And who paid for it?” I demand, the third time in two months I’ve asked, a question he’s dodged until this moment. “Well… you have. The taxpayers. The READ Act.”

And it all circles back to me. The University of Denver grounds I stand on that have been manicured by professional gardeners. The school I could never afford to attend, nor will any of my children even think of applying to. The public education that is filled and funded with so many holes, twenty-seven gorgeous textbooks, full-color photos and activities galore, a slew of classroom supplies including an electric pencil sharpener, that 11 students will take advantage of … all the rest? To waste.

The “for-profit” evil University of Phoenix that has allowed my family to break free of the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle that is a teacher’s salary, that allowed us to live on a pittance in Spain, that has allowed me to… breathe.

What is an education worth? Why won’t parents commit to a forty-five minute bus ride for free materials, expert teachers, individualized classes, and free breakfast and lunch? Why won’t the University of Denver be asked to publish data on how many students graduate with a super-fancy psychology degree and start their salaries at $22,000? Why won’t our government ever just see that EDUCATION SHOULD BE FREE??

This is my Tuesday. Let the games begin. The Hunger Games, real world style.

Bono Vox

U2 speaks to me
 (in ways simple words cannot)
 with notes of passion
 
 

Cuando Era Puertorriqueña

one out of seven
 fought back poverty with books
 same family, same chance
 
 i see my students
 make these same choices–young! yet–
 old enough to know
 
 should i fight for them?
 for a dream they look for?
 or is it my dream?
 
 this i’ll never know
 but i’d be one of seven
 and fight my way out

That’s Motherhood

blueberry morning
 jumping, painting, coloring
 make my Mother’s Day
 
 (never mind the fights
 the back talk that’s motherhood
 the teen wannabes)
 
 to end, we play spoons
 the morning snow has melted
 we have only blooms
 
 only love we share
 with slightly spoiled three girls
 who gave me this day
 

Heavenly

on your first Mother’s Day,
you will sit under the sun.
rain clouds won’t creep in
to cover the sky with gray.

puffy white balls of cotton
will sprinkle the blue
with heavenly sparkles tinged
with the gold from your heart.

on your first Mother’s Day,
you will hold your womb close
and your memories closer
(let them fly, those clouds)

you will drink iced tea
on a deck that shines
like a knight in armor,
ready to face the fight.

on your first Mother’s Day,
you will tip your glass
to all that could have been
and all that will be… soon

you will face the heavenly blue,
your eyes clear with sun
dipped in heavenly gold.
you will remember… and forgive

on your first Mother’s Day,
you will have the hope that holds,
the heavenly hope that makes us see
how blue-sky-sunny our dreams can be.

A Wing. A Prayer.

my incompetence
 measured with twenty stray marks
 and one rude comment
 
 let us speak the truth:
 your presumption has failed us
 and i have lost faith
 
 i pedaled uphill
 for incomprehension. served
 with sarcastic sides
 
 my happy birthday:
 giving up my Saturday
 for a wing, a prayer
 
 but the bike saves me
 the cuddling girls save me
 the cheap wine saves me
 
 (how singularly
 simple English verbs can be)
 lost in translation
 
 now, my Spanglish wish:
 let my tongue thrive like my legs
 uphill pedaled dreams
 
 
 

Si Fuera…

Spanish in my dreams
 audiobooks, printed books
 just not on my tongue

La Escuela de Verano

finally, a chance
 spring breaks through with summer hope
 work for road trip dream
 
 
 

Sunday Summary

blueberry waffles
begin a windy spring day
end of sleepovers

playground half empty
we watch cormorants build nests
wait for timeliness

it comes with patience
for people nothing like us
who make Rio grin

oldest gets her wish
while younger two learn to sew
with grandma’s guidance

kids’ clothes for one buck
the gift Goodwill offers me
shorts for all summer

medium rare steak
(vegetarian’s nightmare)
my chef-made dream meal

so ends my Sunday
sister talk moves toward kindness
summer dreams await

Too Many Times

i search for blossoms
 book i’ve read too many times
 haunts the cloudy day
 
 feet ache from standing
 walk i’ve walked too many times
 spring pops out, teases
 
 to erase my dreams
 dreams i’ve dreamt too many times
 they become nightmares
 
 i see what i want
 plans i’ve lost too many times
 (life’s a rented dream)
 
 he doesn’t see it
 talk we’ve had too many times
 he sees only me
 
 so hard to carry
 weight i’ve dropped too many times
 petals soften fall
 
 i search for blossoms
 words i wrote too long ago
 too many times back