Cat Got Your…?

lunch hesitation
one year from Africa, lost
in linguistic haze

night in confession
one year from Spain, llevame
atrás
, where heart rests

lost in translation
his understanding, my words
we compromise fear

it rests behind tongues
from mother countries, our own
till we can spit truth

let us excavate
set our syllables free, give
wings to our words

The Longest Mile

just one mile walk home
to car-shop drop-off frenzy
begin evening stress

science fair project
won’t keep quiet on my mind
leaves alleviate

no avocados?
two wheels, backpacked ride to store
guacamole dreams

oldest cycles home
begins three-shower cycle
all by six-forty

spicy tacos rest
on spicy dream-home dispute
taste still in my mouth

all ’cause he worked late
foreshadowing our future:
crap hours, low pay

sacrifice my peace
for shut-in civility?
i’d rather be poor

rich are days with him
those hours in his absence?
a chronic longing

even the girls cry
as they will with no ‘good nights’
tears don’t buy us time

the two-income trap
snagging our life with more debt
all for image, greed

just one mile walk back
where refugee students wait,
offer perspective

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Meetings

wind-swept grassland hike
table-top view of city
where mountain meets home

clear creek cottonwoods
hand-crafted home brewery
where dreamers meet dreams

science fair half done
little girl pianists play
where weekend meets week

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Carnival Carol

start and end with work
how ungodly my Sunday
blessings everywhere

painted face friends grin
i enjoy two thirds of joy
my kids everywhere

from Iraq, Burma
Eritrea, refugees
whose faces aren’t here

i guide them with words
never as harsh as a mom
because they’ve suffered

my girls? only joy
bestowed on Americans
with rich white privilege

no way to explain
my work-fair-filled church-less day
may God bless us all

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Teach Like a Champion

ten months ago, dead:
my heart, when you told me that
(teaching is in me)

but you couldn’t teach
you could only criticize
i’m phoenix rising

with hate, you inspired
with love, i put students first
and guess what? we win

a perfect lesson
fits into care and action
not criticism

if only you’d see:
guide a better tomorrow
we’d want to stay here

but we’re not all strong
or feathers-renewable
with love, you could win

with love, we will win
my students and i? winners
please don’t burn feathers

tap your inner soul
for god’s sake, read the right book
allow us to fly

Before the Bell Rings

Sitting in the dark, my door always open, he was waiting for me. I can’t arrive before seven this year, and I told him that when he already asked. There he sat, one year and seven months from a journey between Iraq, Turkey, and Afghanistan, trying to decipher the ever-coded language of Fitzgerald, totally unaware of such a thing as a speak-easy, alcoholism, mistresses, or sin.

And how could I explain, in the seventeen minutes before the bell, the demons of our society? Doesn’t he have tucked in his back pocket enough demons of his own?

“All honors classes, this year, Miss. And I guarantee I’ll be out of your remedial reading class by the end of the semester.”

But here we are, September 16. And he’s drowning in a bucket of noon-drinking Gatsby.

“Did your teacher (the newbie, I’m keeping internally) tell you anything about the Prohibition? About illegal smuggling of alcohol? About bars under the streets?”

“No. He just told us to read chapter four and answer these questions.”

The first one asks for a college-level interpretation of why Nick begins the chapter with the world taking its mistress at Gatsby’s while everyone else is at church on a Sunday morning.

“Oh, Mohammed…” It is all I can say. He will not have time to finish the chapter, to check out the movie (as I suggest), to thoroughly respond to questions that his limited English and foreign background will keep him from understanding.

And this is when my heart breaks, before the bell rings. Before it is fully light, before I even need to turn on the fan. It breaks for the journey, the immigrant’s journey. It breaks before and after dawn, in those hours I spend marking his papers but not beside him at his desk.

I cannot explain, in seventeen minutes, how demons have overtaken our society, 1922 or 2014. I cannot define all the words or find the subtle undertones of the great American novel.

I can only help him with a few questions and hope he will survive the journey, just like all the journeys he has carried across three continents.

Eye of the Storm

after-death clean-out:
desk too big for any room
memories replayed

pictures old and new
as far back as pain will reach
childhood relived

my life: email eye
spying on my every move
wait for responses

girls spin through crying
once it was: feed me, change me
now? essay, read, bathe

single motherhood:
just one week, and not for me
(found him at nineteen)

rushed dinners, yelling
later: lawn, Where’s Waldo search
we’ll never find him

his day versus mine:
turmoil a different tune
loss and love, rebirth

how they bring me joy
after all the years and tears
how they bring me joy

Hope Devoured

mid-day, he flies home
all afternoon i cook hope
form: chicken divan

an old recipe
that i made for their visits
but i wrap up now

to console still-birth
and recall family presence
even when they’re gone

the youngest cries out
because she is daddy’s girl
his phone face is brave

girls devour hope
pile ice cream for dessert
before his mom dies

asleep beside him
she heard him calling her name
she could let go, rest

midnight he’ll be up
flying home faster in dreams
regret, remorse, grief

the only one there
as she brought in her last breath
his worst fear present

the youngest cries out
as his siblings fill the house
he’s a mama’s boy

without his mama
no brave phone face, only tears
life’s a rented dream

Life. Love. Loss.

before dawn message
asks permission for my love
i’m awake, ready

my soul sister breaks
before the sun emerges
i’d give her my life

sleep is a present
unpresent in this week’s life
seven days of hell

he flies tomorrow
what if he doesn’t make it
in time for her death?

my girls play the wii
squealing with best friend’s pained joy
parents’ illness wins

and yet they smile
dress up in formal attire
perfect for their game

living life scares me
as i list all my boyfriends
kindergarten up

ask him to recall
if he searched for love like me
or found it at home

he cannot answer
too consumed by coming grief
losing his mother

they will play all night
and go vacation their dreams
never knowing loss

that is what i want
no search for school boyfriends
just love at home. LOVE.

Be the Begonia

they question motives
as all good scientists should
will their stems sun-stretch?

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be the begonia
is this year’s inspiration
its difference is clear

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not heart-shaped wither
soil-sensitive to live
pretty, yes, but weak

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mother-in-law tongues
that survive a hundred years
don’t bend toward the sun

but my begonia?
a gift given before Spain?
it lives beyond dreams

be the begonia
not the wanton bamboo sprout
the sun seeks your strength

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