Sorrow, Love

it’s the witching hour
and here, all across town,
evils have worked their way into
the darkness engulfing us.

as quiet as a kitten snuffling
against the door, she whispers
that she is sick,
that she needs help.

with ginger hands we strip
off her sodden clothes,
and i run a washcloth under
water so hot it might sting her.

up and down her small body
i wipe away the illness, then
slip the clean nightgown over
her head in one anxious movement.

the new (old) bed in the green room awaits.
she crawls in and i whisper,
Do you want me to lie here with you?
she whimpers and nods, words lost.

i ask her to move over a bit,
but before i have slid in beside her,
she has inched her body wholly
against mine, her fingers on my face.

When you were a baby, I say,
the tears already sliding down my cheeks,
we used to share this bed every night,
just you and me, girl
.

he comes in, offers to replace me,
but he can see the tracks down my cheeks,
her tiny fingers on my chin,
and without another word,
leaves us in our bed of sorrow, love.

Repercussions

it is only five seconds
with repercussions that will
last a lifetime

my childhood haunts me
as the same stress, anger
leaps into my veins

how i want to push it back
to not have this moment
of loss, of bitter haste

soon they are all crying
the moment turns into
long o-o-o-o-o-o-o’s

all i can do is reach out
my arms, wrap them inside,
and wish time backwards.

Oddities

an odd couple
him outspoken
earrings and hair
thick with want of a brush
she perfectly manicured
tight as a spindle
of silken thread

their words bounce off
one another, harsh, playful
forced, relaxed
his mouth open and loud,
her lips pinched and defiant

with them we will take a new step,
form a new friendship,
walk our children hand in hand with theirs,
hoping the oddities
that make us (them)
who we are meant to be
will be the same oddities
that will bring, keep us together.

August Daughters

Riona

there was a time not so long ago
when I worried you wouldn’t walk
contented as could be you sat happily
on your bottom, legs refusing to straighten

adorable, yes, but not for a mother.
how I ached for people to stop asking
for you to reach up, put your palms on a chair,
and stand.

you are four now. Four! and have tucked
stairs, one at a time, into your steps of experience,
have learned to chase after your sisters,
rarely even begging to hold my hand to steady you.

it wasn’t a mistake that I asked my friend to
draw, in perfect artistic beauty, your favorite pets
on a pair of (my all-time favorite shoes)
Converse Chuck Taylors for your birthday. Shoes.

for my youngest girl who is perfectly happy to dig in
to the hand-me-down box and pull out a “new” pair.
But no. Those shoes are yours, only yours, and on the
same day you put their magic on your feet,

your bottom in your brand-new non-baby swing,
digging your toes into the grass to make a dirt hole
(“just like under my sisters’ swings”)
you learned how to pump. all. by. yourself.

i will never know, Riona, I will never know
what will bring more tears to this mother’s eyes:
your first step at twenty months
or your legs in the air at four years old.

Isabella

Grandma reads a book to your sisters
(you hate reading).
you sit on the couch,
swing your legs,
jump up, jump down,
grab blocks,
knock them over,
dash into the kitchen,
pick up a set of toys,
jolt over the coffee table,
sing a song.

Grandma asks your sisters
to answer a question
about the book.
Before a split second has passed,
you’ve already slipped in
the answer.
“How can these girls say anything
with this one around?”

“It’s true,” you admit.
“I know everything.”
You pick up a set of plastic bugs
and bolt away,
my speed demon of elder knowledge.

Mythili

you are so proud to be
the five-almost-six-year-old
who takes steps into the school
every day after your sister,
backpack on back,
lunch in hand,
ready for kindergarten.

i watch your smile
as you tell stories about
the block towers you’ve built,
as you “read” every detail
of pictures in elaborate tales
much better than the actual words
written in the books you love.

all i see,
beneath the layers of
worldly knowledge you have
acquired upon entering school,
is my baby girl with
her baby teeth still on top.

until they loosen,
fall into an apple or Daddy’s palm,
wait in a pillow for the Tooth Fairy,
i will hold on to this smile of yours.
it is yours, yes,
but it is mine, too.

Degrees

it may seem simple and small
it is and it is not
what it lacks
what you cannot see
is a degree of superficiality

(tucked into corners, it pops out)
but the shining star of this show
goes into the rehearsal time.

hours of baking, dyeing, decorating,
hours of designing, painting, waterproofing,
hours of stitching, sewing, piecing
(hours of labor that brought her into the world)
hours of labor to bring her these gifts.

what you will not see
(that elsewhere you are blinded by)
is the degree of superficiality
that makes her party
(her day, her celebration,
her place on this earth)
so simple, so small, so perfect.

Shadow

i sit in their shadow
despite trying to move into the sun
first with my young marriage
then with my tight wallet,
my need to clean,
to be educated,
to let them be what they will be.

i look across at him
hand on top of his.
we nod in inebriated agreement
(they’ll be OK, they are free)
even if we can’t see them
scamper like rabbits
in and out of bushes
living their childhood dreams
while we enjoy our
own brief moment of peace.

we stand to leave
calling their names
like an old song
we’ve sung a thousand times,
and here
without a playground,
a few measly dollars spent,
no other kids in sight,
they moan, beg to stay.

he and i,
we stand in my parents’ shadow
with our young marriage,
our tight wallet,
our need for them to be
who they are going to be
so that we may be
who we are going to be:
us.

Circle of Light

if i could capture that circle of light
i would
a golden shadow-ridden ray of sun
that draws in the twilight

i see Lucy in its glow
(Kentucky calling me home)
with the girls (my girls)
who refuse to go to bed

i should call her
(my sister, my niece)
but how the days suck
me into their time warp
how my mind is on
teaching and teaching
loving and loving
and i forget
i forget
just how many times
i held that baby
and cried when
we parted

if i could capture that circle of light
i would
tuck it into my chest
and forget forget forget
all that is dark
and remember remember remember
this circle of light
that i hold within my palms.

Victory

there will never be enough
hours in the day
or minutes within the hours
or muscles within my legs
to accomplish what I need.

instead, I ought to sit back,
sip on the sweet nectar of my microbrew,
enjoy watching the kids burn calories,
and watch the sun settle itself
amidst the purple mountain majesties.

but even with too-short days and
too-sore muscles, and
as sweet as a beer may be,
it will never be as sweet
as the day I claim my victory.

Word Play

with a good dose of whines
(and a serious lack of wine)
we are headed for the top
(there’s a lake resting atop)

three versions of complaints
(parents no longer compliant)
we have reached the waterfall
(soon we’ll see their water fall)

the log is begging to be climbed upon
(the legs are begging to be peed upon)
they topple into a mesh of moss
(the log it tumbles right across)

i should suppress my loud laughter
(I can’t help but laugh at her)
no more than a scratch they’re disturbed
(our hike is no longer perturbed)

Warriors

don’t go off the sidewalk
we warn as they abandon
their ice cream remnants
and dash to their brief
moment of freedom.

fearless leader number one
follows the handicap ramp
to its very edge, dangles
her arm like a proud warrior
over the parking lot,
two mini warriors behind,
waiting, watching, weaning
themselves into a new era
of independence.