Hazel at Best

four weeks: iced mocha
 from his teacher’s salary
 to my starving morn
 
 one more disruption
 to make my students argue
 (entitlements rule)
 
 his blue-eyed gesture
 almost makes the sacrifice
 worth the sinking sun
 
 he knows and i know
 that he can’t buy my return;
 best or not–i’m gone
 
 no blue eyes at home
 (from my man or anyone)
 on my girls’ faces
 
 nor a mocha bribe
 for the heart-winning teacher.
 cynic? true. best? yes.
 
 no film, court judges,
 observers, department heads
 are worth this money
 
 ’cause money can’t buy
 another summer soon lost
 in a blue-eyed search
 
 
 

The Buck that Burns Across My Back

It is 14:52 on the eve of ESL summer school. We have spent an entire day, AN ENTIRE DAY, planning for a sixty-five-minute lesson from curriculum that we first laid our eyes on this morning after a completely different and unrelated ENTIRE DAY presentation of curriculum yesterday. And at this moment, he announces that tomorrow, for the first day, the schedule will be “different.” That all our lesson planning has just been flushed down the toilet that has become our society.

I cried on my two-mile walk this morning. Not because it was too hot, or the views of the Perfect Denver Neighborhood weren’t impeccable. Or because I had to teach summer school for four weeks to pay for summer camp for my girls for ONE. But because of an article I read about the University of Phoenix, of all things. About how, in five years, their enrollment has decreased by fifty percent. And starting July 1st, a new law will require that they prove that their graduates make enough money to pay back the loans that their for-profit greed has forced them to take.

I was thinking these things as I made my way across town to the locale of this year’s grant-funded summer school, the University of Denver, a NONprofit institution with gorgeous grounds and transgender bathrooms and air conditioning and classes that start at $1200 a CREDIT.

And how screwed I am. Not because I think that the University of Phoenix is so damn amazing that it could grind up the 100-year-old trees of Denver’s “Ivy League of the West.” But because I have to do this. I have to do this damn summer school and have a part time job as an adjunct-but-never-real professor, that I have to bend my will to the beck and call of disorganized, incapable-of-communicating administrators, all for the buck that burns across my back.

That the measly $600 that I sometimes earn in a month at the University of Phoenix is sometimes all that keeps us from bowing down to debt.

And when he comes in at 13:33 and tells me that they haven’t been able to contact more than 11 students for our summer school, I ask him if it will be cancelled, if I will be shit out of luck on all counts this Tuesday. “No worries… it’s already accounted for… a grant. No pasa nada.” And his blue eyes and Argentinian accent are slappable. “And who paid for it?” I demand, the third time in two months I’ve asked, a question he’s dodged until this moment. “Well… you have. The taxpayers. The READ Act.”

And it all circles back to me. The University of Denver grounds I stand on that have been manicured by professional gardeners. The school I could never afford to attend, nor will any of my children even think of applying to. The public education that is filled and funded with so many holes, twenty-seven gorgeous textbooks, full-color photos and activities galore, a slew of classroom supplies including an electric pencil sharpener, that 11 students will take advantage of … all the rest? To waste.

The “for-profit” evil University of Phoenix that has allowed my family to break free of the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle that is a teacher’s salary, that allowed us to live on a pittance in Spain, that has allowed me to… breathe.

What is an education worth? Why won’t parents commit to a forty-five minute bus ride for free materials, expert teachers, individualized classes, and free breakfast and lunch? Why won’t the University of Denver be asked to publish data on how many students graduate with a super-fancy psychology degree and start their salaries at $22,000? Why won’t our government ever just see that EDUCATION SHOULD BE FREE??

This is my Tuesday. Let the games begin. The Hunger Games, real world style.

Recycle

a wasted training
 a waste of district dollars
 a waste of my day
 
 but at six-thirty
 they shoveled mud off the path
 giving me my ride
 
 at least there’s a view
 a day’s cycling release
 to shed off the waste
 
 

Party On

morning to myself
 planning till the end of school
 party on, teachers!
 
 PARCC is not so bad
 but we are American
 we’re born to argue
 
 with kids opting out
 to send snap chats of parties
 who will get punished?
 
 party on, teachers!
 (i still fight for them, my loves
 what else can i do?)
 
 though schools bear the weight
 of society’s choices
 future pays the price
 
 if i’d made the test
 they would trust me and take it
 knowing it’s real
 
 but we aren’t trusted
 we’re blamed, we bear the burden
 the party’s on us

Pass Codes to Nowhere

ninety minutes lost

a test to test the test: fail

computer burnout

what are we testing?

inadequate servers, schools?

pass codes to nowhere?

the students see it:

the farce of education 

on the error screen

Bask. Basque.

Cartagena blues
teasing me with memories
soldier guarding life

here i am, snowbound
(silent beauty winter)
biting cold, warm home

i could take this pic
right there next to that palm tree
basque in Spain sun

but i am here now
family on every corner
tongue out for snowflakes

tasted continents
on either side of the sea
and i am home now

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Homecoming

there is no measure
for a refugee’s story
it starts where yours ends

to gather the words
thick Asian-Afro-accents?
world peace in ears

just open your heart
your eyes your gut, God your soul
and you will hear them

bleeding through parties
drives across suburban hell
and comedy works

you will hear their cry
their mothers’ and fathers’ cries
and yes, you will cry

it’s the cry that springs
open the dead ache inside
oft named white privilege

please, measure their words
bring back those crossed continents
good Lord, bring them home

Social (In)Justice

pitiful attempt
to show the world justice
ditching the walkout

after school, they beg
for classwork i can’t explain
in four short minutes

but the ones who stayed
sit, work with me for hours
tackling learning

one interrupts us
asking where the food bank is
to feed his family

i’m taken aback
a perfect student, born here
why is he hungry?

then, the Taliban:
lost her mother in Iran
falling off a horse

social injustice
propels their failed walkout day
served up after school

a dish to take home
a harder bite to swallow
as schools save us all

Reformation

jury’s our last hope
but freedom doesn’t ring here
let’s chime a new bell

with the sweet timber
of metallic liturgy
that brought us this dream

Breaking Point

Friday before break
in the land of exciting
reading on the couch

his war words haunt me
how slow and painful, peace
yet so undeadly

happy hour laughs
and three bickering daughters
wish they were babies

this sums my Friday
balance between love and war
lord let us find peace