Life. Uncorked.

you’re coming back now
the truth lies behind bottles
wish i could break them

whispers and gossip
that you aren’t ready to face
the rest of your life

how will you swallow
whatever life’s bitter taste
and carry on, safe?

i would walk with you
but i think of empty rooms
how hollow life is

without a family
don’t know if you’re better off
(but i know they are)

all the same, it kills
i worry you’ll die like him
with bottle in hand

to keep it secret
no one will reach out to help
you burden yourself

we all burden this
this fear of speaking the truth
until lies kill us

let’s not speak of death
of morose new beginnings
i wish i’d brought hope

i would uncork it
let its elixir shape you
towards a drink-free life

Maternal Thievery

mother’s midnight dance:
rinse puke from stuffies and sheets
listen for gag sounds

hazy dose of job
sick grandma cares for sick girl
while sick husband works

cycle never ends
grandmother mother daughter
through sickness, health

mother’s twilight dance:
six laundry loads, leave sick girl
in hands now soft, warm

sleep? a silent joke
stolen from night, afternoon
thieves, our mothers’ love

Life Sentences

the aches and fevers
mid-week stay-with-me stresses
medicine won’t work

she came in a dream
all better (never better)
if only the truth

i hate trapped secrets
the solid weight of her truth
worth liquefying

they have stopped asking
bless the sick season for that
(she’ll be sick for life)

losing a baby,
making candy memories,
alcoholism:

all life sentences
that never bring forth the dream
that they’d imagined

Rules of Childhood

challenging poses
stave off pre-holiday cold
virus can’t beat me

candy-scented home
bowls brimming with sugar dreams
homage to his mom

girls learn gift giving
how to think beyond themselves
wrapped in red ribbon

i’d wrap happiness
and place it under the tree
if it would save them

childhood rules us
far beyond its eighteen years
may theirs be happy

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Piles

flooded by piles
poorly-written papers burn
insides of my eyes

my stalking student
piles breakfast, lunch, dinner
always needing help

close and lock the door
is what the experts tell me
what if that were me?

i bring home piles
that pile bags under eyes
and work in silence

quick pasta dinner
vibrant girls’ homework piles
i rush to the gym

breathe in, then breathe out
my body piles relief
yoga saves the day

School

i learned there’s no guilt
like the guilt of motherhood
my Tuesday lesson

tossing and turning
don’t turn remorse into gold
they make me feel old

whispers in the hall
worse than when i was in school
oh wait–i’m here. school.

we mock others’ pain
forgetting our own swallows
mixed up with sorrows

three deaths, intervention
wrap up semester’s longing
for life, a new life

we all want sunsets
bright red-circle memories
to bring back our youth

then we’d be in school
that captive institution
we couldn’t flee from

my Tuesday lesson:
mouth shut, sunsets disappear
mouth open, truth shines

The Ache within Us

bellies full, tree up
lights, ornaments, and carols
darkened by your news

i hope you find peace
not from a bed or bottle
but the blood of life

Chemical Wordfare

for liberty’s sake
chemicals dropped from the sky
burn the communists

our government saves
the young boys it sent to war
now dying old men

but in Viet Nam?
cancer, deformities, death
are all we offer

Monday’s lesson stings
the words of a war veteran
burn like Agent Orange

Revelation

estoy de goma
rubber burning insides out
what was i thinking?

stress toasted with fun
drinks in hand, trick-or-treating
but i got tricked

my worst hangover
while baby cuddled me warm
pajamas all day

will i ever learn
that joy is in their faces
not in this poison?

cold reality
when we hide behind costumes
and drink to tell truths

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Soul Searching

not a single soul
in this forty-person room
has guts to speak truth

sadly, nor do i
phone in hand, blog post ready
[i can’t lose her now]

you see, i’ve lost her
and the darkness in my heart?
no match on this Earth

so i won’t speak truth
i’ll sugar-coat it, smile, nod:
age brings clarity

in that clarity
drink-free, sunny fall Sunday
i die to tell all

in her card, later
she’ll see every word and cry
for all that’s lost, gained

she couldn’t find words
only pics, video, songs
everything for him

i still feel empty
she texts me later, heart burned
you’re the only one…

even her husband
didn’t know who her dad was
[i’ve known her longer]

after the speeches
seeing her, baby in arms?
the love. of my life.

she is my best friend
her loss is my loss, our loss
never hers alone

bubbles in the sky
blown from his loving, warm lips
i live her longing

not a single soul
who speaks, making him perfect
will dare speak the truth

will i dare speak it?
a shadow follows her life
dark, drinking daddy