small signs and short legs
blue sky memories of faith
some fear is slipping
but in children’s eyes:
perfect for play and joy
humanity’s rainbow
if we could all climb
to the top of the goal post
his dream would come true
not just a Marade
a gathering of lost souls
hoping for what’s right
with their eyes, see it:
the world he wanted. Here.
not a shot fired.
we’ll never be friends
i mean, she’s just too damn rich
(she’s so nice, i think)
but conversations
that end play dates in our ‘hood
put us in our place
it’s finally done!
it took so long to finish!
now the kids can play!
(unrelated: us
two basement woes, money lost
to floods and landlords)
million-dollar homes
do not need finished basements
but she won’t see that
and we’ll never talk
beyond the superficial
(it’s kept underground)
now the kids can play
1000 square feet: more space
between us and them
a mental illness
keeps his secret behind doors
his goal: expose her
but she’s not hiding.
this stigma needs to end. Now.
no more closets, please
she needs compassion
a face grinning with the truth
not a pack of lies
you see, she’s unpacked
the weight loss feels amazing
and eye-opening
if he could see it
he wouldn’t stigmatize her
rather, open doors
yet whispers bend us,
the burden of exposure
too oft hard to bear
if his berating
bends her toward the bottle now
he’s unforgiven
no handsome smile
can bend me back to his side
may her freedom sing
Modeled after “The Guest House” by Rumi
This teaching is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A surprise, a sadness, a frustration,
some momentary celebration comes
as an unplanned visitor.
Accept and accommodate them all!
even if they are a crowd of admin
who violently sweep your classroom
empty of its whiteboards,
Still, treat each guest respectfully.
he may be preparing you for
some new adventure.
The homeless student, the refugee, the defiant ones,
meet them at the door with a smile
and let them know they are welcome.
Be grateful for whomever enters,
because each has been sent
to make your life more than
a forgotten promise.
Modeled After “Cut While Shaving” by Bukowski
Faces
It’s never quite right, she said,
The way people judge,
the way they are two-faced,
Bright smiles for your face,
Nasty words behind your back
It’s never quite right when the stars don’t shine,
when you are stuck behind a swath of clouds,
when the only sight you can see is the nose in front of your face
It’s never quite right, she said,
to take the easy road of lying,
to be a spy, to blurt and feed lies on either side of your tongue,
to be the unreal you
I walked away from the mirror
onto the icy streets,
Faces everywhere,
too afraid to look at my own.
before dawn, i walk
full moon of icy danger
to be there for them
classroom lit, open
first day, students new to me
i set standards high
phones, backtalk, shouting
first impression resistance
shake me to my core
after school begging
for schedule changes, fallbacks
they hate and love me
i missed my girls’ smiles
their good-morning kisses, hugs
to face this chaos?
slushy post-school walk
to their bright eyes, warm faces
lost in built-up play
then, online ranting
plagiarizing grown student
demanding grade change
why you, and not them?
the question of my moon day
please… catch me a moon
make it bright like them
shining beyond snowy morn
lighting, guiding love
you’re coming back now
the truth lies behind bottles
wish i could break them
whispers and gossip
that you aren’t ready to face
the rest of your life
how will you swallow
whatever life’s bitter taste
and carry on, safe?
i would walk with you
but i think of empty rooms
how hollow life is
without a family
don’t know if you’re better off
(but i know they are)
all the same, it kills
i worry you’ll die like him
with bottle in hand
to keep it secret
no one will reach out to help
you burden yourself
we all burden this
this fear of speaking the truth
until lies kill us
let’s not speak of death
of morose new beginnings
i wish i’d brought hope
i would uncork it
let its elixir shape you
towards a drink-free life
as they grow older
it’s no longer life and death
over midnight cries
now? supply, demand
business modeled parenting
what if we run out?
what can i buy or give
to make them happy, love me?
which–time or gifts?
it’s never enough
they’re either spoiled or loved
often hard to tell
give them the world
so they’ll toss it back to me
demand better one
it’s human nature
to aspire for what’s not there
i’m never enough
love should be enough
i’m up nights loving too much
(they never see this)
as they grow older
i miss the crying days when
i knew they loved me
a hug was enough
to make it through a tough time
and they were all mine
no one will say this
they’ll say how much easier
they’re independent
independent, yes
from our once easy embrace
to face life’s demands
and to demand more
to make me question myself
will this be enough?
no simple response
to parenthood dilemmas
enough guilt tonight
standing room only
crowd hushed for collegiate speech
from a sixth grader
bright academics
the spotlight shines on this school
rainbow of world
social injustice
swept under a brave chorus
strict rules understood
forgotten pencil
equals hour detention?
path drawn to success
unified voices
remedy doubtful choices
good god let them sing
another stressed day
just before Christmas bustle
lost to this sickness
tears fresh this morning
frozen pond glistening dawn
star-studded boathouse
guilt trailing my job
as he rushed home, two sick girls
and me? meetings, plans
she came back today
babyless, unpacking shelves
repacking her life
her despondence stung
i couldn’t leave her alone
burdened with boxes
we made plans, had lunch
I got your card, she told me
we’re not sending any
no family photo
for his first, never Christmas
(this is what i hear)
but she won’t say that,
leaves me lines to read between
your girls’ pic was great
her grief in all words
she tells of Christmas-free plans
prepared to move on
this i carry home
with oldest’s three earned awards
to my handsome chef
his job ends next week
i won’t worry who’ll nurse them
and make chicken soup
noodles fall from spoons
and girls, all better, delight
priceless remedy
now they’ll discuss me
what will he do now, and you?
i’ll have no answer
only the safety
of the home he makes for us
beyond what they see
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