how honesty lives:
kindle a fire within
or fly with the wind
how honesty dies:
with smiles and puppy tails
with nothing that fails
for me, honestly?
i’d rather fly with the wind
than burn from within
humanity
Time Warp
forgot her pencil
add to the list of hours
now lost from our lives
impossible choice
parent failure never ends
and doubt always wins
what’s a pencil worth?
droopy eyes, stressed homework spells
my child no more
i wanted the best
since data governs our lives
and steals our children
hour detention
for forgetting her pencil
whose data buys time?
Pages of My Book
Miss, why should i read?
Movies are so much better.
You see everything.
But what you can’t see
is the imagination
that invents the world.
Without reading books
who’d have written your movies,
given light to life?
fast-paced agreement
from Arabic-spewing mom–
he sighs, won’t give in
not five minutes pass
toothless, frumpy, loving mom
begs me to help her
why does her girl fail?
is it because of the shots
she saw as a child?
or her tent life,
her journey across the sea?
but what can we do
but cry out to God
and ask him to help us live?
then i remember
yes–a book i read
Wait–were you in Kakuma?
Yes–for nineteen years
tears swallow my throat
harrowing Lost Boy story
chronic refugee
sitting before me
(brutal book’s truth seeping in)
hope swallows her whole
i wish i could share
the beauty behind pages
that connect us all
if i could show him
the open-eyed life of words
oh, how he could fly!
ironic night ends
with her heart-wrenching handshake
pages of my book
It Never Gets Easier
to think i once heard
babies are hard to manage
eat, shit, drink, sleep, cry?
let’s try on costumes–
fall party, field trip, grades due
count how our days go:
back-talk homework fight
second piano practice
three girls showering
second failing math??
not a word from failed teacher
guilt, failing parents
baby barely writes
always a Daddy story
spells like a Spaniard
oldest keeps me up
stressed– her chronic detention
Daddy leaves in huff
garbage disposal
fix in the house that plagues us
that we cannot sell
let me stack my plate
with conferences tomorrow
Spanish class Thursday
Halloween Friday
filled with makeup and drinking
(i need a disguise)
to hide from this life
this balancing act of love
we call parenthood
Halloween Hell Party
Janis Joplin hair
might as well accept it’s mine
Happy Halloween
drive to edge of earth
that’s how far money stretches
there’s never enough
space, bedrooms, hardwood
three people and all their shit
spread suburban sloth
walkability
on a scale of one to ten?
tractor crossing sign
there is no number
to measure my distaste here
size shouldn’t matter
Americans Dream
big, better phallic boasting
in the shape of homes
American Dream:
be Janis Joplin–different
don’t let it kill you
El Día de Mi Muerto
an hour of work
but i am no hairdresser
falls loose too quickly
parents up above
glass ceiling meant for spying
friends hear her grievance
she flashes the look
exasperated with me
behind glass, i wave
when this is over
will i have the nice photo
or preteen ‘tude chant?
on the way to camp
my little ones’ voices sang
loving farewell chant
why can’t she stay young
choose camp over awkward dance
to throw her mom looks?
why can’t we stay young
choose love over wanton youth
and just be ourselves?
Soul Searching
not a single soul
in this forty-person room
has guts to speak truth
sadly, nor do i
phone in hand, blog post ready
[i can’t lose her now]
you see, i’ve lost her
and the darkness in my heart?
no match on this Earth
so i won’t speak truth
i’ll sugar-coat it, smile, nod:
age brings clarity
in that clarity
drink-free, sunny fall Sunday
i die to tell all
in her card, later
she’ll see every word and cry
for all that’s lost, gained
she couldn’t find words
only pics, video, songs
everything for him
i still feel empty
she texts me later, heart burned
you’re the only one…
even her husband
didn’t know who her dad was
[i’ve known her longer]
after the speeches
seeing her, baby in arms?
the love. of my life.
she is my best friend
her loss is my loss, our loss
never hers alone
bubbles in the sky
blown from his loving, warm lips
i live her longing
not a single soul
who speaks, making him perfect
will dare speak the truth
will i dare speak it?
a shadow follows her life
dark, drinking daddy
Here to Stay
Eritrean lunch
post-war teacher offering
how blessed they make me
youngest’s six sound bites
mad, glad, hungry, scared… favorite?
Mama’s “Für Elise”
tears backstage, waiting
for a song i can’t quite play
that’s her favorite sound?
middle school yelling
another homework battle
oldest sets standards
caught in the middle
daughter two rattles school story
steals bed time cuddles
how spicy, this meal
carried across continents
homemade, just like us
Bytes of My Day
two chances to prove
that i deserve to be here
fall, winter, fierce fear
two chances plagued twice
year before? a standard test
today? dead Internet
set up my failure
as Google Classroom crashes
tearing me to bytes
i wish she loved them
as fully as i love them
instead? i strike out
after school, i walk
to get six-day car hostage
and then i see them:
top down, sun shining
classic MG sports car grins
this October day
yes, my mechanics
can charge whatever they want
cruise streets in fixed cars
we’ll be right over
hood open, my car broken
and i’m the failure?
daughter calls: tire flat.
sun, why dost thou forsake me
shining so damn bright?
my car stays hostage
we’ll walk into tomorrow
blindsided by fall
(i’ll dream of driving
of summers off, beach tours
of all that bytes me)
Savings and Loans
technically backed up
saving docs or wasting class?
back up and reboot
user unfriendly
tech for all, yet all are lost
digital natives?
native arrogance
in a web filled with details
that they overlook
login password failed
because of singular dot
Horton hears us all
little minions shriek
megaphones set, point taken
we are here, save us!
technicality:
life simpler, yet more complex
back up and reboot
Step Write Up 