Day Four, Road Trip 2016

on a perfect day
 with music following us
 on every corner
 
 i sometimes get trapped
 in thoughts of poverty, loss
 (also on corners)
 
 my girls all grinning
 taking pics and buying gifts–
 the perfect white life
 
 yet anger jumps out
 from car windows and bar doors,
 a cruel reminder:
 
 we’re not all equal.
 some of us can ride trolleys,
 take month-long road trips.
 
 others beg for change
 with thin plastic drinking cups
 that they’ll fill later
 
 in all this joy: grief.
 vacations are like heaven
 mixed with sorrow
 
 

Behind the Curtain

We drive across the city and knock on doors, purple head to toe, hands full of purple pens and folders, t-shirts, and backpacks. Salespeople for the newcomers.

But we are not sales associates. We are teachers spending time on these hot June days sitting in traffic, making phone calls, driving from witnessing a midday drug bust (line of cops, tow truck, handcuffs and all), to a mansion in Cherry Hills that overlooks a forested bike path.

You can see in one day, in one drive, in one singular city, the rainbow of humanity. Rundown yards and barking dogs. Old Victorians in disrepair with living rooms that function as bedrooms, only a thin curtain separating them from the parlor. Perfect little ranches in questionably safe neighborhoods, slicked down and swept up for our visit. Fathers chain smoking and playing violent video games in a government-run housing project, shouting at us out the window before coming to the door, “What do you want?” and then letting us in anyway, telling us the struggles of how to afford a bus pass, a camera for the photography class for his daughter, of being an autistic para who was just attacked by his student last week (proud to show the bruise below his eye) as we sit in the dark room with shabby furniture and not a single painting on the wall.

“Can we get a livable wage for people who are taking care of the hardest kids?” my colleague says to me as we drive away.

And Muslims. Our last visit on this Friday afternoon. Another housing project steps from the violence that hovers outside. We walk three floors up and timidly knock on the door.

One of my students answers (her brother will be attending the school this fall–the reason for our visit), and I barely recognize her without her headscarf. We enter the tiny apartment where an Asian romance is playing on TV with Spanish subtitles, where her mother sits on the floor of the kitchen with bits of meat and spices and vegetables surrounding her in various arrays of order as she prepares the evening meal, the kitchen with no counter to speak of and no table.

We settle into the two sofas and ask about the brother while the youngest boy sneaks his grin around the corner. My student rushes into the other room and emerges with her scarf on, then asks us if we’d like a drink.

“Oh no, of course not, we’ll just be here a minute.”

“No. You will have a drink.” She disappears into the kitchen for fifteen minutes and we hear water boiling, popcorn popping. In bewilderment we look at the cheesy program on the TV and wonder where the remote is, worried that they will spend the entire summer watching Spanish-only TV and not learn any English.

The baby brother dives behind the sofa for the remote when we express our concern. We flip through and realize only one channel is in Spanish. Relieved, my girl comes in with an ornate wooden tray and perfectly polished porcelain coffee set. She pulls a pillow from the line of pillows along the wall and settles in to prepare the Ethiopian coffee. First she lays down a plastic mat, then pours in way too much sugar, adds milk and uses the brown clay pitcher to pour the espresso into the tiny cups which she places before us on the circular coffee table.

Finally her brother comes home and we pepper him with questions about high school, many of which he doesn’t quite understand. We use our break-down-the-language skills to get our point across, and my girl insists we have another cup of the glorious, smooth, sweet liquid. The heat rises up out of the air and blows in the window and the coffee is as hot as all of Africa, and better than any cup I’ve ever tasted (and I don’t drink coffee).

And this is the only house we’ve been to with a Muslim family. And this is the only house we’ve been to with this kind of reception.

They don’t even have a table. They came to this country with nothing but the shirts on their backs and probably this coffee set. They barely know us. And they treat us as honored guests.

And you can’t see this or be a part of this, in this post or in the heat of that thirty minutes, without opening your mind a little. Just pull back the curtain of your hatred, of your bigotry. Tip the tiny cup into your open lips. Swirl the creamy mixture of milk and sugar and bottomed-out coffee grains and look at that grin on her face.

You will find yourself here. You will find yourself there. In the sweet taste on your tongue, the bright hope in her eyes, the kindness that only comes from love.

Just pull back the curtain. You will see a whole new world, one without hate.

Flower Power

what we need this June
 is blooming summer beauty
 to refresh our lives
 
 

Rainy Tuesday

come in from the cold
 wrap yourself in sister love
 safe from the harsh world
 

Sprung Upon

a single email
 can spring up late Friday tears
 i’ve been holding in
 
 friendship’s mystery
 lies in glad discoveries
 so easily lost
 
 my heart aches and blooms
 for all that i have… and don’t
 (that’s how petals fall)
 
 

Branching Out

Spanglish park play date
 joy found amongst las ramas
 friend language rooted
 
 (questionable choice–
 my student’s family, my girls–
 here we cross borders)
 
 

An Earful

to have someone listen
 with eyes and words offered in peace
 and make promises you know she’ll keep
 and coo at cute colleagues’ babies
 and smile behind tears we all so often hide…
 
 it makes a Monday bearable,
 a coffeehouse tea taste smooth and soothing,
 a repressed voice feel fulfilled for the first time in years,
 and a view into the future shine bright with silver linings
 
 
 

Los Ganadores

fourteen class hours
 in three days. cold winter walk
 to house of illness.
 
 


no breaks this weekend
 as oldest tells project woes
 (procrastination)
 
 middle craves pancakes
 but class again tomorrow
 allows no bake time
 
 (he’ll be up all night
 holding a pail for baby
 to give me this chance)
 
 as it’s always been–
 i work, work, work… he supports
 (and we’re all winners)

Books and Love

On the drive home, we are missing our carpool companions thanks to the relentless militarism of their middle school, and I take advantage of this moment to hop skip and jump just shy of downtown.

Me: “We all need books. This is the only library in the city that has Spanish ones.”

I: “I’m only reading this one.”

R: “That’s MY book borrowed from MY teacher that YOU stole.”

Me: “There are 100,000 books here. Can’t you choose a different one?”

Both: “Not until she gives me that one.”

I give up. I take four escalators to the top floor of the library in the center of the city, the epicenter of the Latino world, where I stare down four shelves of outdated, bindings-falling-off Spanish books, trying to find one that is 1) at my level 2) not a hundred years old 3) interesting. What a bunch of bullshit this is. ¡No me jodas!

We ride home in silence. Semi-silence. They read. I listen to La Busca de Felicydad while R groans about my Spanish audiobooks. We sit in traffic and I miss the turn because I’m listening to how a small fatherless black boy has to witness his stepfather beating the shit out of his poor mother whose education was denied by her father so her brother could go to school and I am thinking about how fucking entitled my white children are and how unentitled my refugee students are who learn the new vocabulary phrase, “take it off” and all the girls write, for their “demonstration of knowledge” sentence, “As soon as I get home, I take off my hijab.” Like it’s a burden, a weight, a freedom they wait all day to release, and my own kids are fighting over a damn book.

But bless them all the same. For loving to read. For fighting over a damn book.

And this is America, I think, as we drive past the wealthiest mall with its block of Christmas-lit trees. As R settles into her hopeful view of the book I will leave for her. As I will rise and teach tomorrow, perhaps a new phrase such as, “What gives us hope?” And they will post pictures of their childhood in the refugee camp and my girls will ask me to read them a story (because they’re never too old) and I will drive the carpool home and hope for a better America. One without militarism. Without fear.

With books and love. Books and love. Where we can all learn what it means to “take it off.”

To find a Spanish book on the fourth floor of the library. To read. To give in to sisterly needs. To remember that we are all refugees.

That we all seek shelter. In a book. A drive. A removal of a hijab.

In each other’s arms.

Code 411

we walk seven blocks
in the semi-melted snow
to visit police

there is no jail time
no judgment of rainbow kids
as they ask questions

an open forum
for them to see the whole truth
(media won’t share)

they talk about peace
how some never used a gun
or even raised one

the kids question them
with patience, honesty… doubt
and they all. listen.

does doubt follow them?
they cast shadows on the streets
in the midday sun

their bright faces grin
pepper me with more questions
upon our return

thanks for taking us
the one thing i need to hear
from today’s visit

(they’ll remember this–
not the snow, the sun–the walk
the walk towards peace, hope)