we cross the state line
Connecticut, once her home
instant rain breaks me
Road Trip Haiku #10
we cross the state line
Connecticut, once her home
instant rain breaks me
we cross the state line
Connecticut, once her home
instant rain breaks me
coin in gold fountain
M’s futile Central Park wish:
let us go to Spain
he says it is a woman
but i know it is New York
if he had its blood burned
into his childhood
he would understand
just as my girls
who argue with him
about the name of the song
and count exit signs
along the interstate
we will be there soon
we will be there soon
we will walk across that bridge
and enter a new dimension
of the city we all know
as we close our eyes
and dream a new version of life
just like my great-grandfather
(the one i never knew)
who pulled my frail and tiny
great-grandmother across the sea
and saw the glorious light
of the Empire State
he will see
they will see
(when we walk across that bridge)
just how beautiful
a new life can be
I and Love and You by The Avett Brothers
a year ago
a lifetime ago
i stood on this same step
i rang this same doorbell
i retrieved these same girls
i hardly knew you
i stood awkwardly
in your living room
trying to explain my taste in music
you cringed when i said folk
(perhaps you’d cry too
the first time you
heard their song on the radio)
we’ve made music since then
sometimes heavy metal
sometimes hip hop
just a taste of alternative
but you still haven’t heard my song
i stand on your doorstep now
you won’t answer so i walk in
(it is like home to me)
i pull them out of the room
three in a row, sleepy-eyed,
begging for breakfast
(they are starving)
you open your door
sleepy-eyed too
and there are no words
there are no lyrics
that can fall to the floor
in this awkward living room stance
as i shuffle our lives out the door
Riona
we walk Venice Beach
we’re offered everything
from CD ash trays,
a strip-tease picture with a dog
in a pink bikini,
and endlessly legal marijuana
(doctor on premises!)
mostly oblivious,
you trot alongside
and point to the homeless man
sitting in the lawn, complete
with office chair and
sleeping bag
i explain. you respond:
he lives outside?
in ALL that grass?
well that’s bigger than our house!
and your five-year-old wisdom
has made this beach day better.
Mythili
the conversations
in the 2000-mile backseat drive
are circular and cute
none cuter than
sisters, learning about the Gold Rush
from historical mama, declare,
We want to dig for gold in these mountains!
with your usual no-nonsense logic,
you casually reply,
You’re going to need a drill.
Isabella
for you,
a trip to California
is no more than an excuse
for a brand new story
to share with all your friends
upon your happy return
that’s my girl
without your calm love
i couldn’t weather this storm
you are my harbor
it’s not pizza
it’s Beau Jo’s
and we pile on honey
drive across grid-lined neighborhoods
and pray our van won’t die
between Denver and the suburbs
the kids are free tonight
we are free tonight
though strapped down by
a mortgage
two semi-functioning vehicles
endless governmental fees
and a dream that breaks my heart
every time the sun rises
Pandora nor my Mac
will play my music loud enough
i still love them anyway
and though we go to Spain
though we put our lives on the line
to go to Spain
i will love you anyway
this is my life dream
and our Fathers’ Day bike ride
love how you come with
i pull apart the pack-n-play–
one of my closest friend’s baby
will sleep here again tonight
it still fits him
(my girls are way outgrown)
and it still fits
in this ten by ten room
the room carpeted green
painted (nine months pregnant) white
that we built with sweat and tears
eleven years in the making
the room in our basement
now stacked with our lives–
books we cannot part from,
handmade quilts, knick-knacks,
art from my mother’s
most delicate brush and pencil,
all our family photos
he will sleep here tonight
(he still fits)
all our closets and walls are empty
(they all fit)
and i just wonder
as i see our life
in perfectly neat stacks–
how can we fit anywhere else?
You were in our home for all of twelve hours. You were jet-lagged, disheveled, and still unpacked. Yet, instead of pulling clothing and toiletries out of your suitcases to place upon the shelves of your rooms, Silvia drew out a book entitled Fotos de España for us and jump ropes for each of the girls. Carlos retrieved a balloon air pump and engaged the girls in Spanish conversations: “¿un flor o una mariposa?” And what did you say to us? “When you come to Spain, you will see the children playing these games.” “When you come to Spain, you will see the beautiful palaces from these photos.” “When you come to Spain, you will fall in love with the people.”
Before you were here long, even the youngest, shyest daughter was requesting her balloon, was sitting on Silvia’s lap. I knew that magic had just entered our lives. I wanted to shout from the rooftops, announce to the world, the happiness that seeped from every blood vessel of my heart. It was like a dream, one that could not be defined, but that slips between your subconscious and conscious, shaking you awake with an ever-present smile.
And so our adventure began. Carlos with your infectious humor, describing every life situation with laughter and joy. “And the DMV lady said to me, ‘Are you black or white?’ I had never been asked such a thing, so I turned to her and replied, ‘I don’t know—you tell me.’” “We missed our flight and Thanksgiving Dos. Tomorrow we can have Thanksgiving Tres instead!” “Uh… and how many drinks did Bruce have before he said THOSE words to you?” “Yes, that one… weighs more than me. In first grade.”
And Silvia with your reserved, down-to-earth nature, popping in your bits of advice and no-nonsense approach to life. Silvia, the caretaker who Riona craves to cuddle with (and proudly announces to me on the side, “Mama, did you know that Silvia can read books in Spanish AND English?”). Silvia, whose detailed descriptions of the class from hell bring both empathy and amazement to all ears. Whose love for your family surpasses all, your childhood shenanigans so filled with happiness you feel you can hear all your aunties’ voices as they secretly stole children into rooms.
There is a reason we have come to call you our Spaniards. You are not like any people we have ever known. You are unique in a way that cannot be defined in any language. You are the inspiration and reason for us packing up our family of five and moving them to your home country. Your presence in our lives cannot be replaced, and you will be greatly missed.
You were in our home for all of twelve hours. Telling us we would fall in love with the people in Spain. Well, we had already fallen in love, before ever stepping on a plane, before seeing the palaces from your book, before tasting the Mediterranean air. We had fallen in love with the people who would fill our home with life for eleven months, who won us over before unpacking a single suitcase.