May Daughters (2011)

Riona

pieces of gold in a tiny bag
you hold it up in the dusty town
mountainous peaks bearing down

you blink at her and sniff
still after all these months
unwilling to speak a word

you cut felt in imperfect squares
around the pirates’ gold coins
so proud to pretend to be a Girl Scout

you are silently sick
never a whine or complaint
just your gentle soul of acceptance.

Mythili

you clip up your heavy bangs
emulating your sister’s idea
of new beginnings

every day you’d wear the
hand-me-down dress, so proud
that someone thought of you.

your old soul comes out
as we drive eight hours home:
“I need some air.”

you stand in the middle
pushing the new tire swing both ways
knowing you’ll bring them together.

Isabella

surrounded by friends
you are the happiest child
social butterfly fluttering by

you reorganize the backseat
toy bin, anal retentive mimicker
of mama’s nit-picky ways

you read reluctantly
in your sing-song voice
Charlotte spinning her magic web

sick sister in the night
you’ve grown up over night, miss,
“I took care of it.”

Our Day

in 3.5 days
i have climbed two mountains
driven seventeen hours
hiked 1.5 miles
in and out of a canyon
vacuumed the house
bathed and combed three girls
hosted eleven more
drunk seven microbrews
noted the Firefox spelling inadequacies
and noticed that
my friends are all friends
with each other
our kids play like
Fairy Tale Land
perfect combinations of love
and
my veteran husband
can cook hamburgers
like there’s no other option
but meat
on Memorial Day
Love Day
Family Day
Friends Day
Coming Down the Mountain Day
this is Our Day
the love i never had
the friends i never had
the love
the love
the love
all around us.

Denouement

we are a collective force
vying against gravity
mentally physically wholeheartedly
literally
moving up a mountain
rainbow of helmets
carbon and aluminum
water bottle two-packs
and pedals

we are seventy
and seven
single
tandem
working legs
paraplegic arm miracles
everything in between

and though she and i
fit in like two chicks in a bar
outnumbered ten to one
we still outpace some
and are left in the
zipping dust down the mountain
by others

but we make it
fill out our story
a seven-month plot triangle
fast foothill rising action
steep-as-hell peak one climax
slow-and-steady peak two falling action
and the two mile flat
denouement
surrounded by screaming fans
endless cars with bike racks
cattle bells
and
victory

Just Saying

this is just to say
i have left
my bicycle on its rack
with the garage door open

you will walk out the door
drive to the store
and buy mint chocolate chip
that will sing in my mouth

take the bicycle down
electronically shut the garage
and remind me again
how i married perfectly at twenty.

One of Seventy Thousand

Dear U2,

I am one of seventy thousand. And seventy thousand more in each of a hundred cities across the globe. Your circular stage, famous by now, lights up like a firecracker as you belt out the tunes. No one has given a second thought to sitting since you entered. We are drawn up like marionettes, arms in the air, tears in our eyes, screams caught like chilling drinks of overpriced beer in our throats. You ask us to clap along and we all have the same hands. You ask up to hold up our phones and the blackened stadium reflects your every desire, the rectangular present-day lighters swaying back and forth in a melody of communion. And the wind that forced us all to pull our hoods and caps tighter, that haunted us on our long trek here, that beat back the sounds of The Fray? You took away every last wisp of a cloud and made it disappear the moment you stepped out of the tunnel, like Moses parting the Red Sea. What is your message for us, your devoted followers, harrowed from years of longing absence, as you guide us here tonight?

I am one of seventy thousand. We are a family, and your voices our parents’ so-many-times-heard songs that we have every word memorized. You don’t need to tell us the titles, we can sing them with our eyes closed. You don’t even need the 360 screen that changes from your faces to images of Burmese imprisonment to listings of events happening right now in the world. We would still stand, clap, scream, our love as intense and committed as the thirty-four years of charity you have offered the world.

I am one of seventy thousand. I stand next to my husband who surprised me with these impossible tickets. I jump up and down every time you make your rounds, my voice tight and hoarse within an hour. When you play “Elevation” and “Beautiful Day” I grin from ear to ear, those happy days later in your bandlife, those happy days later in my life when I first heard them. When you play “One” we all sing, but I sing with tears streaming down my face, reliving my freshman year of college and circling my dorm room with that song on repeat till the floor, my feet, and my tears were worn down to desert-like hollows of pain. And “When the Streets Have No Name,” “With or Without You”? You carry me back to high school, lying on the floor of the living room, one ear to the hardwood, the rhythmic soul-searching beat and the words that tear away the pieces of my broken heart, the words that take them and fling them up into the air, sew them back together, and time after time after time, Joshua Tree one two and three, the words that save me from myself, from what I might have done. My husband? All he sees are the tears, the emotion, the me he never knew.

I am one of seventy thousand. But you are singing just for me. For the soul you saved with your music, for the movement it made in my heart, for the person I am today, with or without you.

Sunshine

With a toddler and baby in tow,
we walked our oldest to her first day,
the door open to your preschool room
lit up with sunshine shelves of toys.

You introduced yourselves to us
as Dee Dee and Helene, to the kids
as Ms. Teddy Bear and Ms. Jelly Bean,
quick-to-be-famous names in our ears.

For years our girls brought home
button families, clothesline crafts,
Dr. Dino, and homemade, hand-guided
projects to decorate our hearts.

Time has ticked away the tininess
of the baby you give back to us now,
her Silly Award another reminder
of all that has come to an end.

You will have an endless stream
of four-year-olds to keep the youth
and sunshine smiles on your faces,
but us? It will be just this: a memory.

A memory of their first school experience
that, as parents, perhaps we’ll recall
better than them, your warmth and love
the sunshine that will guide them through the next door.

At Fourteen

For Jim(my)

i picture you at fourteen
gangly and awkward
bottlebottomed glasses
curly close-cut locks
riding your bike across the bridge
wearing the same three outfits
all summer long
diving into the swimming pool
down the block
and playing right along
with our nine-
and eleven-year-old games

i was in love.
it didn’t matter that you were my cousin
almost six years older
and lived across the country.
you were nice to me
made me feel at home
in that strange and cavernous house
where Grandpa and Grandma
ordered KFC
and watched TV all day
instead of fixing decent food
or paying attention to us.

you rode across the
highway bicycle bridge
and entertained us every day
and carried me on the back
of your dirt bike
on our camping trip
and talked and talked and talked
like no one else in the family would.

i still remember those words
those cyclical wheels
that sent my mind spinning
and the smile you carried
through all that was dark,
the fourteen-year-old boy
who redefined family
in my little girl eyes.

Human Trees

trees are like humans
she says
they take forever to grow
they start small
when they’re grownups
they don’t grow anymore


they stay in one place

i want to tell her
they’re trapped by roots
taunted by wind
pelted with precipitation
they never stop growing

you’re right
i say instead
knowing that
how she sees the world
could change by morning
and i should cherish
how she sees it today.

Blinded by Blue

i can’t see
the environmental impact
of the roads
ski areas
and mines along the way.

only the blue sky
long absent
longingly awaited
the sun hot on my skin
waterfalls pouring
from every crevice
of Rocky Mountain rock
and snow still standing
obstinately against all predictions.

i will take this pain in my muscles
to bed with me
as i listen to the roaring river
and try to remember
this perfect planet
we’re destroying

but for now
for today
i am blinded by blue.

Fitting in a Poem

i can fit in a poem
faster than i close the novel
check my email
and suck up to Facebook

it won’t be a Frost beauty
with a perfect
tennis-netted rhyme
but it still squeezes into my day

exhaustion seeps in
as the words pop from fingertips
and i wonder why i force myself
to type when my mind is elsewhere

i think of that chiseled creature
valedictorian boy whose life was perfect
who could do no wrong
and decided life wasn’t what he wanted

i think of that selfish email
snaking its way between the lines
of yesterday’s poem
and darkening our hearts

speaking of snakes
like one curved and black
my road home rides up the hill
and asks me to pedal faster.

i can fit in a poem
between children’s bedtime
ice cream enthusiasm
and my favorite show.

but will my words still work tomorrow?