poorly-worded goal
provided by school district
let’s confuse students
find main idea,
three facts, underlying themes
cite text evidence
even in haiku
i clarify what they can’t
why are they in charge?
come home to harsh truths:
charter school rules, union blues
paradox, my life
my new objective:
theme that saves main idea
minus the details
(life is a challenge
of unplugged net books, low pay;
cite love to survive)
with stressed frustration
my mother’s voice comes through mine
i’m a child again
only now? my girl
is the brunt of my anger
yet she bounces back
resilience through love
something i was missing then
my mom aches to fix
life’s a big regret
played out in haunted voices
singing us to sleep
start and end with work
how ungodly my Sunday
blessings everywhere
painted face friends grin
i enjoy two thirds of joy
my kids everywhere
from Iraq, Burma
Eritrea, refugees
whose faces aren’t here
i guide them with words
never as harsh as a mom
because they’ve suffered
my girls? only joy
bestowed on Americans
with rich white privilege
no way to explain
my work-fair-filled church-less day
may God bless us all
a three-foot hallway
blanket, last year’s science boards
fort made of magic
here we play cadoo
spin tales with pictures and acts
clinging to our youth
she begs to cuddle
as morning melts into noon
always my baby
we play piano
i grade, then guide her through math
later, a hike fight
sun swallows the creek
as they beg back summer swims
but leaves are gold-tipped
the baby departs
we have our own sleepover
with love, city lights
they spin spaghetti
dance beside beer cyclists
here we fall for fall
should have known better
taught the oldest to shave legs
sis shaved off eyebrow
parenthood surprise
mushroom tag and night riding
her shame forgotten
watching them grow up
better than the science fair
lab filled with laughter
grievous homecoming
tinged with touch of puberty
parenthood pain lasts
mountain riverbed
gold against blue aspen fire
drive dipped in heaven
waterfall delights
imaginative girls’ eyes
a doll’s paradise
toes dipped in ice falls
while leaves leave us dipped in gold
summer dipped in fall
after-death clean-out:
desk too big for any room
memories replayed
pictures old and new
as far back as pain will reach
childhood relived
my life: email eye
spying on my every move
wait for responses
girls spin through crying
once it was: feed me, change me
now? essay, read, bathe
single motherhood:
just one week, and not for me
(found him at nineteen)
rushed dinners, yelling
later: lawn, Where’s Waldo search
we’ll never find him
his day versus mine:
turmoil a different tune
loss and love, rebirth
how they bring me joy
after all the years and tears
how they bring me joy
before dawn message
asks permission for my love
i’m awake, ready
my soul sister breaks
before the sun emerges
i’d give her my life
sleep is a present
unpresent in this week’s life
seven days of hell
he flies tomorrow
what if he doesn’t make it
in time for her death?
my girls play the wii
squealing with best friend’s pained joy
parents’ illness wins
and yet they smile
dress up in formal attire
perfect for their game
living life scares me
as i list all my boyfriends
kindergarten up
ask him to recall
if he searched for love like me
or found it at home
he cannot answer
too consumed by coming grief
losing his mother
they will play all night
and go vacation their dreams
never knowing loss
that is what i want
no search for school boyfriends
just love at home. LOVE.
because he came in
and wrote with us a class poem
when we were thirteen
because he’s your dad
forget the swallowed disease
because he made you
for twenty-eight years
your mom gave her life to him
because she loved him
because demons live
even if we wished they’d die
that is why, that’s why
because he deserves
what a father, husband should
he’s not forgotten
because you found him
in your heart, you always knew
that you would find him
the mother of three
raised at home with two parents
he was one of them
because of our youth
the car, recording our voice
and all the journals
he’s in every one
saw through demons to love you
because he loved you
you are my best friend
and he made you, he made you
that is why, that’s why
Step Write Up 