Definition

it could be the Spanish-English mix
from the nanny’s mouth as we sat in the zoo,
my thoughts of the last day of summer
slipping from my hands
quicker than the tears
my baby cried to sleep with,
or the anger inside
that someone would pay another
for everything i love the most.

it could be the defriending,
his cold absence of words in my presence,
or her emphatic insistence
that eight months is enough
time with her baby
when a thousand years
would not satiate me.

it could be the story i love
coming to a bittersweet end,
or the small voices
absent from my home
on the one day when
i need them most.

but i will never be quite able
to define what haunts me.

Always an Adventure

the rain beats down
as we stand in hushed surprise
rush to the endless line of cars
where we wait wait wait
always an adventure

the stars beat down
on a tent without poles
dirt as thick as cream on skins
fires that won’t start
always an adventure

the sun beats down
on a misnavigating device
streets clogged with crowds
underground cracks of hellish heat
always an adventure

my soul beats down
on two jobs, three kids
bills piling like paper mountains
parents who miss what i have:
always an adventure

Velvet

you are in the audience
blinded by spotlights
unable to see or hear
the shuffling of feet
the building of sets
the sewing of costumes
the work behind
darkly hidden velvet

if you could blink
if you could block out the light
you might for one moment
see the tiny fingers
working so hard
wrapping around the rope
pulling the curtain back
for a show incomparable
to the one on stage.

Unmelted

i hand her wings
as i read about Icarus
to the two young buds

we open up Google
and relish in Breugel
as she calls to check in

she returns triumphant
waxed wings unmelted
no pledge to Apollo needed.

June Daughters (2011)

Riona

curled in lap like kitten
you nestle in near the baby
remember that you are the baby
though simultaneously
you tag along with sisters and friends
try to partake
in your almost-five world
of big kid-dom
show your cousin how to hold a book
how to slide down the big slide
how to spray the hose
how to be
the beautiful little person
you have come to be

Isabella

whisperer
you listen in to all our conversations
picking out nuances
like the brightly colored beads
you choose for your necklaces
identifying each sparkling word
for its hidden meaning

whisperer
we stand along the fence
our neighing voices lost in the wind
you dash across, wipe the sky with your voice
high pitched and hard to hear
the horses listen, gallop
at the fence line in five seconds
your hand out with carrots as
thick equine lips pluck everything
from your fearless fingers

whisperer
you lift her out once
guide her to slides
push her in swings
she is head over heels
and denies me
only allows you
to wrap your arms around her
heave her up
change her diaper
and speak in a language
the adults can’t understand

Mythili

forethought and logic
shouldn’t quite fit
with a child younger than seven

yet you stop as sisters
blow away money with the wind
saving yours for something special
still trapped inside your imagination

you tell it like it is
pointing out the necessity of native plants
the reasoning behind new sidewalks
the purpose of cold hose water in the pool

i see you now
new front teeth coming in
i see you then
new world coming in
your forethought and logic
the backbone of who you are.

May Daughters (2011)

Riona

pieces of gold in a tiny bag
you hold it up in the dusty town
mountainous peaks bearing down

you blink at her and sniff
still after all these months
unwilling to speak a word

you cut felt in imperfect squares
around the pirates’ gold coins
so proud to pretend to be a Girl Scout

you are silently sick
never a whine or complaint
just your gentle soul of acceptance.

Mythili

you clip up your heavy bangs
emulating your sister’s idea
of new beginnings

every day you’d wear the
hand-me-down dress, so proud
that someone thought of you.

your old soul comes out
as we drive eight hours home:
“I need some air.”

you stand in the middle
pushing the new tire swing both ways
knowing you’ll bring them together.

Isabella

surrounded by friends
you are the happiest child
social butterfly fluttering by

you reorganize the backseat
toy bin, anal retentive mimicker
of mama’s nit-picky ways

you read reluctantly
in your sing-song voice
Charlotte spinning her magic web

sick sister in the night
you’ve grown up over night, miss,
“I took care of it.”

The School of Selfish Parenting

it’s another event
at the school of selfish parenting
teachers with microphones
can’t control
the stream of camera-ready vultures
clogging up the aisles
standing in front of the spotlight
chatting away in ignorance
as our tiny children
march across the stage
in caps and gowns
sing their off-key serenading songs
that we will neither see nor hear
thanks to our entitled generation.

Human Trees

trees are like humans
she says
they take forever to grow
they start small
when they’re grownups
they don’t grow anymore


they stay in one place

i want to tell her
they’re trapped by roots
taunted by wind
pelted with precipitation
they never stop growing

you’re right
i say instead
knowing that
how she sees the world
could change by morning
and i should cherish
how she sees it today.

Boneyard

the bones surround you,
starved from the dried-up sea.
you make your way through the maze,
darkness bearing down on the desert,
cold as a wintry mountain night

somewhere between the tail
and the cavernous rib cage
your pride follows behind,
a shadow of who you know you can be
lost in the wilderness of the boneyard.

you pick through pieces of skull,
sifting for the brainwaves that once
put thought into these bits of bone,
the iciness of your surroundings
building a tenacity you didn’t know remained.

your muscles tighten, the heartiest moving
you into a rhythmic undefined melancholy
through the motions of unreachable stars,
and you give in, release yourself to the night
just as Aurora touches your cheeks with her fingertips.

you resist, the dawn’s first touch as cold
as the depths of the boneyard in its darkest hour,
but the gentle kiss of radiant light awakens you,
casts away the shadow you’ve let fall behind,
and guides you to the mouth, the opening, to freedom.

Blue Marker

in blue marker
print better than mine
are the ordered words
Dry eyes
Quiet voice
Follow Directions

all for the special needs boy
who wants to hold his ribbon
rather than fill out formulas

i sit with the card
in front of my lunch
saying the words to myself
in a mantra that keeps me
from telling them what i really think.