Bought… and Paid For

with thousands of words
one hundred twenty letters
high schoolers shocked me

today? long boarding
last year? three mile water walk
in refugee camp

fathers left for dead
or years without their mothers
fear crossing borders

Somali warlords
Thai school beatings, civil war
their innocence lost

dreams to bring back peace
to a country they escaped
(and to pass my class)

whirlwind of worlds
sit in six columns, five rows
can i reach them all?

free education
earned with a blood-torn tear trail
worth every penny

A Ride in the Park

i’ll dream in cycles
flowered spinning summer ride
and forget my stress

IMG_6235.JPG

IMG_6234.JPG

IMG_6239.JPG

Endlessly

with golden eyelashes he sleeps
after telling the Martian story
to which only Mythili would listen
black and dark makeup-less beauty
that none of us can understand,
the one who said three months back
that she’s most like me
(all i thought of were the endlessly
imaginative doll stories, and how i hated
dolls) only to realize that
my most responsible proactive middle child
had me pegged

and how can i sum up an August Friday?
it would begin with carrying
an ever-bending begonia
through three hallways
and six sets of stairs
my endlessly flamboyant classroom colleague
holding the admin parking door open
to ask
why are women so needy?
is this why i don’t like them?

before the sun has even completely
emerged from Colorado clouds

it would end with pumpkin pie
burning up my no-a/c house
and my baby’s hands weaving
bits of crust
over her apple pie dream
as expertly as she did at age three
when Thanksgiving meant more to me
than any other holiday

in the middle, with my middle child?
school posters and schedule nightmares,
the signage of every teacher,
where i walk into that school
and every capillary in my body
is pumping blood for students
i haven’t even met

a meeting, a speech that makes me
want to hug my enemy
and wish that last year
could have been mine
ours
and the end-of-day email
blasting me
in ALL CAPS
for putting my students first
even if HE WOULDN’T

Mythili, Mythili, Mythili
who was born a writer like me
a crone before her time
whose head turned towards me on day two
how could i not know
after the
twin-in-looks-forever-defiant-Izzy
and
shy-as-a-cactus-in-December Riona
how could i not see myself in her?

the pie is in the oven
and 24 people will populate
the space between an 1864 ditch
and the playground of my youth
before i can even blink
my baby has turned 8

and we will have pie.
apple. lattice top composed
by nothing-like-me Riona.
pumpkin. requested by
my twin, Mythili.
whipped cream. to spray
in mouth of endlessly-flamboyant Isabella.

tomorrow? we will party in the park,
forget that there’s no cake.
or that schedules aren’t students.
and remember how much,
how painfully much,
we love each other.

IMG_6199.JPG

IMG_6198.JPG

IMG_6206.JPG

IMG_6208.JPG

IMG_6209.JPG

IMG_6200.JPG

IMG_6196.JPG

IMG_6210.JPG

Laundry of Life

the morning breakdown:
poles, bags, pans, miracle trunk
pack our memories

quick stop for short hike
pass waterfall, aim higher
switchback to our view

it is a fine sight:
family of five, swollen legs
lake steals horizon

five showers, three loads
phone calls, dishes, and errands
aprés camp bed? YES!!

IMG_6154.JPG

IMG_6155.JPG

IMG_6145.JPG

IMG_6146.JPG

The End

sunny day at end
after a stormy summer
last pool before school

IMG_6078.JPG

Agua de Vida

hot springs aquifer
sulphur carved what man could not
nature’s history

20130129-214019.jpg

20130129-214053.jpg

20130129-214043.jpg

20130129-214101.jpg

20130129-214034.jpg

Cancellations

Mythili is eight. She’s named after an amazing woman who speaks three languages with the fluency of a native speaker, two of which my Mythili will never know.

I came home a bit early tonight. My oldest, Isabella, named after my sister, walked the eight blocks necessary to meet me after tutoring so we could find her some semi-leather boots that match mine. Isabella is almost ten. She can just about fit into half of my clothes and has a much keener sense of fashion than me. I don’t know how I’d shop without her.

I was home early tonight because my life revolves around cancellations. Cancel the job I’ve loved and lived for for seven years. Cancel the program for which I sacrificed everything. Cancel my private English tutoring sessions on a weekly basis, because for you it is a bonus, a brief education. For me? Just another cancellation of my semi-automatic life.

Time is money. I say this now because cancellations can be golden.

These are the words I heard tonight, as Mythili voluntarily read books to her baby sister:

“Mama, did you realize the Statue of Liberty was built in 1826?” (Isabella)

(Mythili from other room): “1886, I read 1886!”

(Me, in same moment, recalling the specific childhood memory: 1986. Age eight. Trip planned to New York City for grand celebration of one hundredth anniversary [July 4, 1986] of said statue. Mother and father holding my hands in their hands to break to me: “We’re going to have to cancel this trip. Your surgery is scheduled for that week.”)

“Isabella, it was 1886.”

Riona, the Irish queen, as diplomatic as her regal name: “Mythili, where are those boats going?”

“They’re trying to get the best view of the statue. Remember this summer, at Jimmy’s house, we were on the mainland? But then we took the boat from one island to another to get the best view? Remember, Riona? They built the statue on an island.” (She refers to our summer trip, my cousin Jimmy’s house in New Jersey, the pain of my most recent Spanish cancellation so painfully present that the Staten Island free ferry was the only possible way to see Lady Liberty).

This is why we are here. In five years, they will read about the Romans. They will say, “Remember when we went to the Roman theatre in Cartagena?”

They will study Druids. “Remember when we visited Stonehenge?”

They will chew paella. “Remember the gambas?

They will be these small children, grown so grand, their life filled with cancellations. They will remember their parents’ hands on theirs, age eight. How they loved and hated Spain. How they cried, laughed, lived.

They will remember.

Hyperdrive

us five in a row
we have moved beyond the stars
together complete

Here is My Warmth

before a long break
upon returning after
cheek-kissing culture

El Día de Paga

my cup is now full
once more i enjoy palm trees
their path leads to peace