fit for errand day

these beauties have held their bloom

to make our house home

childhood pizza

as giant as memories

olive mushroom joy

columbines in bloom

bringing back a taste of home

in time for summer

cream cheese lemon bliss

in bread brought from Libya

cultural delight

a middle school band

blooming peonies, bright clouds

and tree grown from seed:

maybe spring will bloom

a better future for us

than what winter left

was the drive worth it?

the money we didn’t have?

(paid to volunteer)

a mountain retreat

a flawless mirror of a lake

and a hundred girls

a view to climb to

only rocks, voices to hear

no tech for two days

every ordeal won

by perfect mornings of mist

we would lose at home

my man cutting mangoes

while vegan delights steam us

sexier than porn

girls find speaking skills

share their knowledge, ideas

and bring us on hikes

not small anymore

they’re becoming young women

too fast they’ll be gone

illegally parked

broken down expectations

and rained out traffic

what a weekend we started

all to pay to volunteer

at a Girl Scout camp

but look at that view

on the other side of rain

bidding us goodnight

I’m trying to hold onto some hope, although it’s fleeting. Nothing is the worst that it has ever been, although it could be better. Our worlds are full of althoughs. Although we live in the richest country on earth, half of us feel like we’re barely making it. Although we are inundated with privilege and opportunity, we feel lost and alone. Although we have every opportunity for education, we devalue it every chance we get.

Although unions are here to protect us, they also give unfair advantage.

Although teaching is a challenging career filled with failure, students succeed, love, and make us better people.

Although we have faced financial challenges for most of our marriage, we still have perfect credit and no debt.

Although he’s not as tenacious as me, he is much kinder.

Although I’d like to give up, I never would.

I just need to swim through a few more althoughs before boarding that plane. Before celebrating twenty years of my life with a man whom I love, who has been the backbone of every difficult and joyous choice I have made as an adult. Before celebrating forty turns around the sun. Before being, peacefully being, present in the Spanish culture for a summer.

Just a few more althoughs, and I’ll stop subordinating my life to everything negative. I’ll try to twist my sentences into six weeks of sun, six weeks of hope, six weeks to wait for a new beginning.

Although we could have a safety net, we’re about to have the adventure of our lives.

Although these past weeks have been hell, our marriage has mostly been heaven.

Although we’ve lost, we’ve also won.