The Single Window

not a window,
not even a mirror, but
a singular view of the world
whose translation is all but lost

it is a desk
with a small man
filing paperwork in the same office
where i stood twenty-five days back
(the first time i thought to be done)

just like everything governmental,
there is no explanation,
no offering of help,
no taking of envelopes from one
desperate-to-get-paid employee
to the paper gods in Murcia

and why didn’t you send it all through
la ventanilla única?
he asks,
as flippant as the day is bright.
oh, i want to reply, Google translate ready,
you mean the single window?

sorry, didn’t realize
that the windows of the world
could be hidden so obscurely
behind words that are doors

Bleeding Through

just as i miss the news,
don’t have to hear about
who won the football game,
and find myself falling further and further
into this new world of mine,

i almost lost sight of the day
my family came together
to put my grandmother’s ashes
next to my grandpa,
her home, house, and store
ever-present in my childhood memories

the funeral i swore
i’d never miss.

but oceans can run deep,
and i’ll never swim across
the distance that puts me here,
that makes me unlike
all i’ve known, all i’ve ever been,
into the new form that still bleeds
with my grandmother’s blood

A New Set of Notes

i find myself tiring
of the songs filling my playlist–
they are either too much a reminder of home
or not enough.
i ache to fill my ears
with a new set of notes

if only the shortening
still-hot days
of this endless summer
could sing me a new song,
one that will remind me of home
and make me at home,
all with the same
melancholic melody

Convenience

just like in America
where we feel we need
a 7 Eleven, a McDonald’s
every quarter mile,
when we fill our bellies
with Big Gulps and fries,
Spaniards need fruit and bread

walking home from the park,
preparing the afternoon meal,
you just never know when
you’ll have a fruit or bread emergency,
when you’ll have to rush to the
panadería, the frutería,
and stock up on crusty, thick bread,
peaches so plump you’ll have to halve them,
and sweeten your life
with the whole foods we can never quite find
on every corner back home

Just Another Day in Spain

The first day of first, third, and fourth grade! In SPAIN!

It begins at dawn, though the remainder of the world would not consider 7:30 a.m. dawn. Perhaps the sun setting at 21:00 in mid-September and not rising till 7:30 is just one of the reasons Spaniards wander the streets till the middle of the night, why they sleep in the middle of the afternoon.

I rise and get myself ready, everything about my movements pins and needles. The first day of school is always nerve-wreaking to mothers, but for my girls to start school (and not the one I wanted) that will be wholly in a new language, in a foreign country, where none of us know a soul? It’s no wonder I didn’t sleep.

They don’t particularly want to go, either, but are happy to put on regular clothes rather than the silly uniforms required by their charter school in the States. Before I know it, dawn has passed, dishes are washed, and we’re walking down the six flights of stairs to the street, where we see other mothers and children walking. This brings instant relief to my girls, who love pointing out all the children, noticing their backpack types, their shoes, their clothing.

We stand outside the gates of the school with the other parents, taking pictures like we always do on the first day… until we realize that we are the only ones taking pictures. Of course, let’s put a spotlight on our Americanism. Soon a nice mother comes up and speaks in English (albeit broken), telling us what to do as they open the doors and letting us stand on the patio. In a few moments, a siren-like bell rings, and all the kids shuffle in the school, parents left outside. Bruce and I exchange looks of panic. We don’t even know what classes the girls are in. How will they? But before we know it, the secretary comes out and allows us in, only for us to discover the school is so tiny that there is only one section per grade! (And I thought we were lucky at their class size limitation of twenty-three!)

We look through the doorways at all our girls’ apprehensive faces, wave goodbye, and head onto our day of adventure.

All I need to do is make copies, pick up my debit card at the bank (26€!!—must everything cost an arm and a leg??), and spread out flyers advertising my English tutoring. We are interrupted in front of the copy shop by a huge strike moving along in front of the Ayuntamiento, men in blue uniforms holding signs about the government robbing them, all plugging their ears at optimal moments before letting loose cannon-like firecrackers in the streets, their voices and faces a mixture of jubilation and angst. The fluorescent-green uniformed police stand on the outskirts of their demonstration, their raucous and cannons just a part of their day.

We move on into the busy morning of Cartagena, taping up flyers and stopping at the grocery store where everyone in Spain is shopping before school gets out. We tear off giant pieces of French-style bread on our way back to the apartment, and before we know it, the arduous four hours of school are over, and we stand again with the rest of the parents outside of the gate.

The same siren releases our girls, who come out with giant smiles and tales of their day so similar to the tales from home, relief washes over all of us. Mythili made four friends, has multiplication homework with four numbers on top, and is adamant about us buying her books and supplies by morning. Riona admits that she understood only some of what her teacher said, but she made a friend who shared crayons with her. Isabella, sentence by sentence, tells me all the grammatical errors and vocabulary she fixed for her English teacher, pointing out that she could teach that class (I have no idea where a daughter of mine would get an idea like that!!).

I then set out on an adventure of my own: shopping for the infamous libros de texto I’d been told would cost a fortune. I ride the bike across town, Mythili’s school supply list in tow, to Carrefour, Spain’s Wal-mart. It is only when I enter the store and begin looking at her school supply list that I realize, again, that I don’t speak Spanish. Libreta? Carpeta? Caseras? As if school supply shopping isn’t difficult enough, I am searching for items that I have no clue what they are! Can Mexico and Spain make an agreement and share the same language, puuhh–leeez!!

Then the books. NONE are on the shelf. Lined up behind the counter are all the organized-people-in-the-world’s preordered, boxed-beautifully libros de texto. I start to panic, and take out my iPhone, quickly typing in the ISBN numbers the school provided, hoping Amazon will save me as always. After four entries of “No disponible,” I begin to realize the truth behind what my Spaniards had warned me was a huge publishing scam. No one can buy these books on discount or order them online. We are victims to overpriced bullshit!!

I send a Skype chat to Bruce that just repeats FUCK four times, then finally have my place in line fulfilled. Giving the sales associate my iPhone and Mythili’s list, he disappears into the back to retrieve my books. Well… two-thirds of my books. The remainder he doesn’t have, and as usual, I don’t know the right words to ask him if they’ll order more, and I’m running late anyway, so I book it out of there, penniless in my pursuit (ummm. 5€ for a NOTEBOOK??)

I fill my backpack and two saddlebags with all the supplies, patting myself on the back for at least having the adamancy to bring my bike! What a relief! I rush up the six flights of stairs with all that in tow, thinking, I sure as hell don’t need a gym this year. Then shower, dress, off to my first appointment with potential clients, who meet me in front of the giant JCPenney (AKA Corte Inglés, twelve stories in the making), and of COURSE we go to a café. Ironically, I order my Spain-usual café con leche, and they each order a Coke.

We talk for more than an hour, and somehow manage, with my broken Spanish, to arrange tutoring with their three- and six-year-old sons for four hours a week! (No need to mention I have no idea what I’ll be doing, and I think it’s just glorified babysitting in English, but whatever!)

Then Bruce and I make our first Spanish tortilla, for the most part successfully interpreting the Spanish directions on the baking powder package, and it’s a hit with all the girls, who BEG to go to the park after dinner as those are the hours that kids will actually BE there. And they’re right. It’s party time at the park, and Isabella makes a friend who comes up to her parents on the adjacent bench bragging about her American friend, with her parents’ response being, “Que suerte.”

We are lucky. While in the park I receive four emails inquiring about tutoring!! On the walk home at eight-thirty, Mythili has switched her ever-imaginary talk with dolls to Spanish, and we put the kids to bed so I can head to Corte Inglés for one more attempt at books… to no avail.

But it’s just another day in Spain. There’s always tomorrow between nine and two, where I can witness a strike, have a café, and make the most of every moment.

Fish

seven hours at beach
not a complaint or a fight
bus ride adventure

School (not) of Choice

not what i wanted
cuatro santos protect me
i pray this is right

Streetwise

a memorized map
cannot capture the beauty
of Spain, our new home

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Turning

just remember his wheels
turn this way without one drink
that homeless man’s eyes
burning through tinted windows
at midnight in my sparkling city?

this will carry me there

this night and the four of us
reliving our everlost youth
reliving our everlost youth

Mitigation

we drive into the night,
the beauty of a curvacious road
lost among nauseating bumps,
our passionate words
filling the air of the car
(even he shouts out
his usually-quiet opinion)

you might never see this side of him

or the one that opened up lips
along the lines of lakes
our passion moving from anger to lust
our hands discovering a new side
of the world’s version of wealth

i think about the 8500-mile drive,
the quiet moments on the sea
where bland as eucharist crackers,
his words slowly, almost silently, slipped out

you might make a judgment,
but you will never see the side of him
that mitigates me