Loan Forgiveness

day started with angst:
 with backtalk and attitude
 lost in a battle
 
 midday mellowing
 came with a surprise measure
 of all my hard work
 
 by evening? they won.
 their debts forgiven–for friends,
 summer, being kids.
 
 

Keepsake

they’ve asked to return
 every year on the same date
 hoping for magic
 
 (it’s found in sunsets,
 impossible mountain views
 we don’t have at home)
 
 i would give them gold
 that rests at mountain bases
 if i had god’s touch
 
 i’d throw in rainbows,
 the best birth town visit yet,
 Colorado love
 
 we could come back here–
 try to capture this bright view–
 or keep it with us
 
 Always.
 
 

 
 

Stress Wash

all is washed away
 with silhouettes over sand
 in a summer storm

Continue On

another year gone
 middle moving to middle
 grammar school now done
 
 my babies no more
 the years become blurred photos
 hidden by my tears
 
 

Weekend Kingdom

Just before we left the mountains after the long weekend, the girls were asking their father to borrow his pocket knife so that they could carve their names into a tree trunk.

“We need to leave our mark!”

“We’re getting in the car in five minutes. You had all weekend to do that. Not now.”

They had all weekend to explore. To see where the nonexistent paths might take them. They found bottles that drunk former campers had left behind and found pleasure shattering them against boulders. They climbed over fallen tree trunks in an attempt to get to the next outlook or outhouse. They discovered several carcasses and took pieces in their hands to pretend to roast, brush the teeth of, or assign names to. They built and destroyed campfires, each claiming a stick and making rainbow sparklers dance across the sky. They set up their own tent and fought over who had the best pad, the warmest sleeping bag, the most comfortable spot. They made charcoal paint from ashen logs and drew on paper plates, clothes… themselves. They picked up giant pieces of bark and an abandoned rope, making an old-fashioned telephone “show” as they handed the “receiver” back and forth for hours on end, chatting about extended metaphors and checking current schedules for fire-fixing availability. They disappeared for hours on end, hiking several miles, discovering miniature ponds in large boulders, old cables that worked as trampolines, views of distant peeks… and … themselves.

They couldn’t carve their names into the trunks of trees because they were already leaving a piece of themselves behind. In a world surrounded by screens and studying and neat city blocks with perfect yards and friendly neighbors, they released themselves into nature as all children should. They giggled with their friends and had free reign over their weekend kingdom.

As we made our way down the dusty dirt road onto the smooth pavement that curved its snakelike yellow line out of the canyon, I was thinking about the pieces of all of us that are scattered behind us wherever we go. In their own way, my girls left their imprint on that mountain, with eighteen sets of shoe prints, a forgotten wisp of paper towel, a broken branch. But more importantly, the mountain left a piece of itself in us. The panicked drive up with nauseous travelers and no sites in sight. The scratches and ripped pants from too many falls and rough rocks. The charcoaled face paint. The layers of dirt and pine needles and campfire stench unwashable by the best of the best machines.

The memory of a weekend free of chores, free of homework, free of nagging, free of screens, free of strict diets, free…

Free.

In the end, Daddy didn’t give them the knife. Instead they piled in the Pilot, all seven of them, taking their new “telephone” to carry on their stories for the drive home. They pointed to peeks they’d topped on their independently-led hikes. They commented on how strangely smooth the pavement felt once we finally arrived to it. They napped near the end, fully exhausted from running a kingdom all weekend.

Even without a pocketknife, they left their names on that mountain. They carved them into the curve of the road that wrapped itself around our site. Into the bits of clouds that only barely covered the sun. Into the memory of every mountain, of every happy childhood that begins and ends with a bit of royalty, a bit of owning all your choices if even for a day.

A bit of freedom. It’s the best way to run a kingdom.

Graduation

saying our goodbyes
 my students hug and bicker
 tests, summer on minds
 
 another year gone
 children growing, moving on
 gliding through this life
 
 but i still hold on
 because memories run deep
 and never leave me

Moving On…

letting loose anger
 to yield this breathtaking view
 of hard-won backyard
 
 (her broken heart rests.
 i hope she read our class words
 and will make it through)
 
 gratitude for now.
 all our furniture is home.
 as are our daughters.
 
 

Still Worth It

two days of labor
 (grunt work for those unwilling
 to use elbow grease)
 
 and yet, it’s Christmas:
 mixer, platters, and dishes
 we’ve lived years without
 
 back to our dream house
 where toil pays us back
 with soft purring fur
 
 

Pluck the Season

first harvest now reaped
 just in time for spring planting
 and a spinach dip
 
 

Refocus

when you’re trapped by gloom
 and unable to say why
 refocus your lens
 
 you might catch a glimpse
 of golden sunlit peaks;
 a stand-alone tree
 
 spring rain bringing food
 (hidden in these rays, raindrops)
 to a front range ranch
 
 refocus your lens–
 windows will open your eyes
 to a clearer view