Through Rain, Snow, Through Sleet and Hail

snowvember? not here
just the quiet stroll we lost
when we had children

nostalgia beckons
as we walk memory lane
our steps measure years

with each one, we search,
measure moments made for them
there’s no going back

some shops have changed, closed
vanished behind snowy doors
how harsh, winter’s sting

others, just the same
thousand-year flood resistant
just like he and i

the snow leads us home
to a house empty of screams
sound gone, i miss them

the quiet stroll lost
has changed faces with seasons
now love floods our lives

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One Foot Forward…

when winter arrives
snow makes an easy excuse
to beg for failure

three continents back
you’d have given everything
for this cold bus ride

forget the slick roads
breath visible before you
remember learning

My Oldest

i give her the news
silent tears fall down her cheeks
worse than a tantrum

eleven years old
burden of being oldest
heavy on three girls

she carries their weight
lab rat for parental tests
what should we do next?

we drive the wrong way
arrive before she knows it
i favor her now

it is not too late
to undo this, to change schools

my peace offering

again, silent tears
on her face, trapped in my throat
i can deal with it

but should you have to?
the question that i don’t ask
(but i ask myself)

i’m going to stay
i don’t want to lose my friends

and there is my proof

hours of homework
detention for lost pencils
don’t compare to friends

i drop her off, drive
dawn’s light skids across the lake
as golden leaves fall

a sight so perfect
i want to drive back, tell her
take away her tears

mine are falling now
and i must let her decide
she leads, my oldest

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Let Grief Live

a rainy Sunday
filled with empty prayers to god
that i can’t quite hear

imagine this life
wasted living for heaven
all to hide our grief

let grief live on earth
with our hands upon our hearts
bleeding to let go

the clouds broke evening
god did not exempt the rain
it flooded our souls

Home. Work. Life.

homework Saturday
spun through web of fall colors
parked our playground joy

old enough to ride
and catch dreams along the way
my girls growing up

last of season cones
pumpkin pie, football flavors
as the north wind blows

still sing childhood
though the oldest’s lost in books
hope i can find her

leaves sprinkle the ground
like fire light our way home
home… life Saturday

Meetings

wind-swept grassland hike
table-top view of city
where mountain meets home

clear creek cottonwoods
hand-crafted home brewery
where dreamers meet dreams

science fair half done
little girl pianists play
where weekend meets week

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Carnival Carol

start and end with work
how ungodly my Sunday
blessings everywhere

painted face friends grin
i enjoy two thirds of joy
my kids everywhere

from Iraq, Burma
Eritrea, refugees
whose faces aren’t here

i guide them with words
never as harsh as a mom
because they’ve suffered

my girls? only joy
bestowed on Americans
with rich white privilege

no way to explain
my work-fair-filled church-less day
may God bless us all

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Indian Summer Magic

a three-foot hallway
blanket, last year’s science boards
fort made of magic

here we play cadoo
spin tales with pictures and acts
clinging to our youth

she begs to cuddle
as morning melts into noon
always my baby

we play piano
i grade, then guide her through math
later, a hike fight

sun swallows the creek
as they beg back summer swims
but leaves are gold-tipped

the baby departs
we have our own sleepover
with love, city lights

they spin spaghetti
dance beside beer cyclists
here we fall for fall

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Colorado Dipped

mountain riverbed
gold against blue aspen fire
drive dipped in heaven

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waterfall delights
imaginative girls’ eyes
a doll’s paradise 

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toes dipped in ice falls
while leaves leave us dipped in gold
summer dipped in fall

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Road, River, Range

It is probably best that you dissented. That Wii and dinner preparation were more important than this Sunday afternoon ride.

We all have our releases. Yours is cutting onions and spinning tires in an imaginary resort. Mine is spinning tires in the real world, on concrete paved just for my bicycle.

I was first out of the gate, ready to win. For one hour, I was not anybody’s mother. Anybody’s teacher. Anybody’s wife. Anybody’s (even the one who lost her baby) friend. I was just a cyclist, three words to my name: “On your left!!” shouted to the tops of the peaks. Ringing out over my music. Move out of my way because there are not enough miles, not enough breaths in my lungs, not enough songs on this playlist to pedal through this pain.

Only: Road, River, Range. That is all I wanted to see. That is all I wanted to pull into my soul this Sunday. Those blue Colorado skies, the perfectly paved path, the river that feeds us all, and the mountains that divide our continent. There is nothing in this world more beautiful than sweat trickling down a back, tight thigh muscles, clicking gears, and That View. I could live my whole life in that one hour, the numbness of nightmares disappearing with each and every mile.

Forget what she said on Friday. Or the horrible news that I might carry like a burden for three weeks and she will carry for a lifetime. Forget that I came home to discover my husband’s mother rests on her death bed and my little girls can’t quite wrap their minds around anything deeper than the five-house alley-walk to their friend’s house.

Forget it all for this one breath-stealing shout-out: Road, River, Range. Placed here for me, for all of us, to tackle with this perfect body someone gave me to live on this Earth.

The three R’s. Only a different lesson.

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