at fifty pounds each
girls spin them around the room
spin my dream come true

at fifty pounds each
girls spin them around the room
spin my dream come true

doubt in every thought
pain deeper, greater than loss
all i want is peace
Do you think
for a nanosecond
that i don’t know
all i’ve lost
all i’ve yet to lose
all i’ll never know i’ll gain?
if you were me,
tears and doubt would be so common
you’d learn to silently cry,
to wipe away moisture
while putting puzzle pieces together
with your five-year-old,
to catch that knot in your throat
before it bubbles into a balloon
of anguished sobs
if you were me,
you would be more than
an overly-confident status update
who brags about cycling down the interstate
for a late-night gas emergency,
who flippantly adds an impossible dream
to the brutal reality of all
that you must carry
on your already heavily-laden shoulders
if you were me,
you would see the reality
behind your words,
you would know how utterly small
you stand beneath decisions
that press against your soul
and tear you apart from the inside out
if you were me,
you might want to be
(just for one moment)
the safe-secure-satisfied working mom
who would never do this to her family
but then…
you wouldn’t be me.
i wouldn’t be me.
and what kind of truth
would we both face
if we met, you and i,
and we were not ourselves?
her Iowa home
loving reminder of loss
warm friends i won’t see

Niagara Falls stop
memories of spinning life
river of now, then


my girls stand in front
the last time I’ll see Gorham
my childhood, my home

respite on the sea
if only boats could decide
which way our bow points

my grandmother’s sauce
passed down to a new era
her son now the chef

Maine beaches of youth
please a new generation
cousin love abounds