Before the Bell Rings

Sitting in the dark, my door always open, he was waiting for me. I can’t arrive before seven this year, and I told him that when he already asked. There he sat, one year and seven months from a journey between Iraq, Turkey, and Afghanistan, trying to decipher the ever-coded language of Fitzgerald, totally unaware of such a thing as a speak-easy, alcoholism, mistresses, or sin.

And how could I explain, in the seventeen minutes before the bell, the demons of our society? Doesn’t he have tucked in his back pocket enough demons of his own?

“All honors classes, this year, Miss. And I guarantee I’ll be out of your remedial reading class by the end of the semester.”

But here we are, September 16. And he’s drowning in a bucket of noon-drinking Gatsby.

“Did your teacher (the newbie, I’m keeping internally) tell you anything about the Prohibition? About illegal smuggling of alcohol? About bars under the streets?”

“No. He just told us to read chapter four and answer these questions.”

The first one asks for a college-level interpretation of why Nick begins the chapter with the world taking its mistress at Gatsby’s while everyone else is at church on a Sunday morning.

“Oh, Mohammed…” It is all I can say. He will not have time to finish the chapter, to check out the movie (as I suggest), to thoroughly respond to questions that his limited English and foreign background will keep him from understanding.

And this is when my heart breaks, before the bell rings. Before it is fully light, before I even need to turn on the fan. It breaks for the journey, the immigrant’s journey. It breaks before and after dawn, in those hours I spend marking his papers but not beside him at his desk.

I cannot explain, in seventeen minutes, how demons have overtaken our society, 1922 or 2014. I cannot define all the words or find the subtle undertones of the great American novel.

I can only help him with a few questions and hope he will survive the journey, just like all the journeys he has carried across three continents.

Past, Future

our lives
our American lives
exist in movies, books
filled with flashbacks
memorabilia
from our characters’ pasts.

our lives
our American lives
exist in the here, now
filled with wanton disregard
consumption
of our planet’s future.

their lives
their American lives
exist in computers, smart phones
filled with violent imagery,
absorption
of themselves, their future.

my life
my American life
exists in words, hope
filled with cautionary love,
faith
in them, us, our future.

Consumerism on Presidents’ Day

We went to the mall today. Packed with shoppers. We almost never buy anything there other than a shake that we all share from Chik-Fil-A. We take the girls to play on the little play area and peruse the puppies in Pet City and to kill an afternoon without spending more than $5. Isabella had to go to the bathroom and suddenly we were in the back of Macy’s when we started looking at all the nice leather sectionals that were $2000. “When we get our tax return,” Bruce joked. Who has $2000 to spend on one piece of furniture? And that was the sale price, the Presidents’ Day sale.

We started walking out and the girls examined the plate sets, the men’s shirts, the towels and sheets. “Hey, this isn’t the mall, this is like a regular store!” Isabella announced, having never really been inside one there before. Everything was on sale, we could have got some real deals, $20 dress shirts instead of $40, a $15 lingerie Valentine set, already marked down the day after. All because… because why?

Why do we have the day off today? Have we all forgotten? Here we are stuffing ourselves with fast food concoctions and filling our shopping bags with sale items and doing anything but taking a moment to realize why this is a federal holiday. This is the typical American interpretation of a holiday: consumerism.

I’m sure Lincoln and Washington are turning over in their graves right now. What were they fighting for anyway? What have we forgotten in the course of 230 years? Is this really what freedom and equal rights and human sacrifice have all amounted to? A winter clearance of coats and boots in every store countrywide?

Sometimes I ask myself, what has this country come to? How is it that the things that sustain us—the buying and selling of goods—are the same things that destroy us? How can we simultaneously prevent and prepare for a recession, just as Einstein once asked the same question about war?

When I buy anything, I am wrought with guilt. I think about the person in China who made my product and a hundred others like it for a dollar a day. Instantaneously, I think of the store-owners and employees who will be out of work if I don’t buy more. I think of the destruction of natural resources from the production of each item. And I think of how spoiled we all are, how we think we need more than what we need, and how my children’s future will be impacted by this.

But today, as I witnessed sale after sale in honor of Presidents’ Day, all I could think about were arguably the two most influential presidents of all time and their idea of the American Dream. Did Washington read the Declaration of Independence to his suffering troops during the winter at Valley Forge, did Lincoln sign the Emancipation Proclamation and take the first step towards equality, for us to save a few bucks and add to the debt and environmental nightmare that we’ve been swimming in for years? And if this is how we honor our presidents, the leaders of this great nation, where is our country headed?

I can’t answer that question. I can only reach out and take my girls’ hands and lead them out of the mall. Perhaps this is the first and most important step to guiding the next generation in the direction of the real American Dream: the dream our presidents had, once. The one about freedom. Not consumerism.