Wash Out

one stinging comment
 can easily spoil fun
 on a rainy day
 
 girls can be so mean
 how can i raise three sweet ones
 with the right manners?
 
 the struggle’s real
 as all the teens like to say
 but i need answers
 
 (later they giggled,
 stood in the cold rain talking,
 glad to have new friends)
 
 there is always hope
 that today’s words will drain down
 with drops of remorse
 
 

Pluck the Season

first harvest now reaped
 just in time for spring planting
 and a spinach dip
 
 

Happy Mother’s Day

caught in the stream bed
 three beautiful growing girls
 who made me a mom
 
 

Differentiation

some write, some listen
 some read, some dance, and some talk
 (yet they’re all learning)
 
 a perfect mix of
 our differentiation:
 (managed/mismanaged)
 
 i’ve learned to let go
 thirteen years into teaching
 and let them lead me
 
 
 

Backed Up

all patience is lost
 in last moments before bed
 when i need quiet
 
 like i need to breathe;
 and the moment i grab her,
 we’ve all gone too far.
 
 days filled with backtalk
 backfire in waning light
 where i lose myself
 
 gentle goodnight kiss
 only mimics my remorse
 as tears touch her eyes
 
 forgiveness now saved
 for dawn’s awakening touch
 as gentle as dreams
 
 
 
 
 

Parenthood Is…

a strip club of sorts
 sprawled across a tile floor
 waiting for a buck
 
 

Love this Block

our new house beauty
 lies in small flowers, short walks,
 and friendly neighbors
 
 

Beginnings

The day began before it began. With the kitty who looked so cute under the drawer of my bed, so I reluctantly allowed her to stay. For which she thanked me with an in-your-face purring bonanza at 1:29 a.m. And with scratching the door and releasing a desperate meow two hours later (after I’d thrown her out).
 
 Sleepy-eyed and somewhat grumpy, I headed to school for the third week of a testing schedule that permits zero plan time two days a week, nearly-two-hour classes, and not enough computers to go around. The library became the epicenter for all misfits in the school who had nowhere else to go during the tests, and where one measly cart of books was to serve all three of my classes as the upper library, with ALL nonfiction books, was closed for testing. Instead we had a stockpile of books about countries in Europe. My refugees, doing research on their homelands, were at a loss. They looked about as perplexed as me when I thought about the last time European refugees were flooding American schools; in neither of our lifetimes, for sure. Sigh.
 
 By some miracle, a computer cart opened up at lunch, but half the computers were dead by then, and none of them would print. My students were knee-deep in research and trying to figure out how to indent, space, or title a piece on Google Classroom, the tech guy came to try to literally unlock the printing queue of ONE COMPUTER AT A TIME, and then a girl showed me this:
 


It was about twenty minutes before the last bell. This could have made me angry. Or frustrated for the fiftieth time. But just like her smiling face, all I could do was laugh. And get my camera.
 
 The inequity began before it began. I worked in a rich school district before. With MacBooks. IPads. Books for every student. Now? Crappy Dells that won’t log in, hold a charge, or print to the singular printer available in the ENTIRE SCHOOL. Books all my classes have to share. That I have to request a grant to buy every year.
 
 It’s laughable. It’s laughable how we spend our days, fighting these uphill battles with kids and pets and society. We lose sleep over our children, their children, our children’s children (case in point: kitty). And yet we still get through. We have fuzzy screens and crazy cats and rushes out the door to ice skating and kids who argue about chores and brushing their teeth and tightening their laces and won’t go to bed and when they finally do?
 
 “Mama? Can you wake me up early, just me, so I can have time with just you tomorrow?”
 
 I don’t tell her I was planning to come in early to make up for my lack of planning time today. That I’m behind… That I’ll always be behind.
 
 Because behind every moment of being behind, there is a cat’s silhouette in the morning window. A curious face peeking out of laundry. A beautiful sunset waiting to be written about. A child’s voice asking for love.
 
 My love for them began before it began. Before they were mine. I was theirs. Every last waking minute. The good, the bad… The blurry.
 
 

Beneath the Hiding

truth hides behind sweets
 spun in twisted cotton puffs
 too good to resist
 
 it’s found in blue skies
 after days of silent snow
 (unforgiving eyes)
 
 it’s trapped on leashes
 waiting for that outdoor risk
 ready to break free
 
 it’s the tie that binds
 and breaks trust as we swallow,
 candy-coated lust
 
 

At the Bottom of this Pool

in mineral baths
 i mock a tropical life
 (yet i’m still so cold)
 
 the snow drives us home
 a lion-like March exit
 to freeze my failure
 
 nothing can replace
 all the hours without them
 now bathed with worse score