in the firelight
upstate New York rekindled
right here in C-O
friends are made this way–
through shared childhoods, face time–
nothing like today
(we shopped small markets
and lived for farm stand bargains
and were just. real.)
and there’s an absence
between that self and this one.
i’m trying to fill.
perhaps she sees it.
(as i know my husband does)
and that’s why i’m here.
with embers flailing
kindling September grass
waiting for the flame.
stomach tumbling
with sick realization:
innocence now lost
just three days ago
she was climbing up the limbs
of youth’s bulging tree
her arms strong and thin
(but what was bulging inside,
ready to burst free?)
to know that she knows
kills me from the inside out
(as a mom, a slave)
failures drop like leaves
of youth’s impending autumn
to crunch with my woes
i’ve always loved leaves
(but there’s no satisfaction
in this kind of crunch.)
she searches hollows
to fill a hollow within
(i’ve searched too. in vain.)
to know that she knows
brings every dark doubt to light
(no tree-limbed safe-net)
what will she climb next?
(the strong arms of a stranger
who will leave no leaves…)
a mom’s greatest fear:
to lose children to branches
that i cannot reach
through cycling
in and out of neighborhoods
brick by brick, i fell
love lost, and then won
bungalow to bungalow
my city wooed me
the wheels spun me back
(sold my heart to Cheesman Park)
from bad-boy breakups
all along back streets
Park Hill, Cole, Cory Merrill
like love at first spin
bikes are trendy now
(they’ll dress like freaks to prove it)
but my bike love lives
in this uphill ride
with mountain sunset backdrop
my girls guiding me
i see them falling–
street by street, scraped knees and all–
in love with my love
beach day ends summer
(though it’s already over)
school can kick our ass
she’ll paddle toward sun
let weekend sparkles shine through–
make this week worth it
with our lives packed up
these small moments so matter
more than i can say
even with the rain
that raced us back to our car
we dried off. and won.
my thousandth visit
just as pretty as the first
brings peace to my stress
and seeing her run
beating her time on day two
goose wings to the sky
my first orgasm
given to a boy now dead
life’s too fucking short
my childhood park
lit under a cloudy moon
is what calms me down
i’d walk the world
to find my way back to you
eighteen years in, love
we’re all grown up now
me a woman, you a man
let’s let bygones… be
there’s no other moon
to shine city-bright tonight
just my love, your love
first day of too old
can’t believe how big they’ve grown
so far from our shell
yes, they’ve broken free
walk out into the world
chick fluff gone with grins
last days of summer
mini-golfing with grandma
home before the rain
in thirty-eight years
he’s made me miracles
(since before we met)
miracle one: birth–
an afterthought, late-marriage,
named-after-dad fourth
miracle two: shy–
wouldn’t say more than needed
from grade school on up
miracle three: serve–
mother, father, siblings, friends,
country, lovers… wife
miracle four: kids
who can capture his essence
in smiles, sweetness
miracle five: love–
couldn’t come to broken hearts
till we met. and healed.
miracle six: hope–
’cause without him there’d be none.
happy birthday, Babes.
joy found in river
dipped in snowmelt for hot days
better than a beach
no hot tub lies here
just a circular rock wall
perfect for chilling
Colorado sun
mixed with friends, camping, river:
rays of happiness
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