thievery on kids
with granted Christmas wishes:
a new kind of low
scooter happiness
snatched from public library
while books stole our hearts
between this and puke
and sis stuck in Kentucky
(in snow of all things)
this week weighs heavy
for this mom, sister, teacher
(no end to winter)
but the sun was high
and we’re rich with two jobs now
(solved our scooter blues)
and we have love here
stolen from youth to old age
given to these girls
walk for forgiveness
for the fight for lost causes
(that we still fight for)
by some miracle
this day is always balmy
as we make our way
scooters–a new trick
to have me chase after them
instead of dragged feet
the mix of colors
between sky, humanity
carries this bright wave
we walk for peace, love
so we’ll always remember
what not to forget
we walk ’cause we can
because peace comes in small steps
found in winter warmth
winter-lit moments
after seventeen hours
are worth the world
clean house, soft kitty
best: sun in January
will soothe me to sleep
fourteen class hours
in three days. cold winter walk
to house of illness.
no breaks this weekend
as oldest tells project woes
(procrastination)
middle craves pancakes
but class again tomorrow
allows no bake time
(he’ll be up all night
holding a pail for baby
to give me this chance)
as it’s always been–
i work, work, work… he supports
(and we’re all winners)
reasons why i stopped:
one–brutal voice in writing,
uncensored anger
two–not much laughter,
too much crying to count
(my tear stained regrets)
three–exhausted sleep
from too many restless nights
swimming in nightmares
four–so much good lost
on the desire to numb,
to not fully live
five–waste of money
in times when we had little,
in times when we’re rich
six–lust and lack of
mediocre love-making
blurred by consumption
seven–fat belly
of someone too far along
to give up this quick
eight–every bad choice
i have made as an adult
came from that bottle
nine–joy i once felt
disappeared on icy rocks
of my lost chances
ten–my daughters’ eyes
watching every move i make
(and i’m making… them)
this is just to say
the children can eat vegan
and cheer, not complain
small victories won
(cashews, beans, taco flavor)
to top our Tuesday
finally the talk
(though teen truth is not revealed)
but i’ll work on her
winter walk outlasts
the pouty mood she’s been in
(teen angst mystery)
perhaps she saw light
filtering through twilit trees
revealing herself
or found joy in steps
filled with imagination
shared by her sisters
whatever it is
that brings her bright smile back
i’ll take with this walk
last night light flakes fell
to make a snow-bright morning
(soul slightly renewed)
i drove in silence
not able to think of words
that she’d understand
the unspoken sat
between us like the car crash
we saw just later
she spoke and screamed out
(firemen swarmed the panic
of woman on phone)
(i still had no words
nothing about the late night,
her sneaking downstairs)
(nothing on found phone
retrieved in secret to watch
the blossoms of lust)
just sadness, light flakes
falling from the winter sky
crashing our morning
so we said goodbye
(i gave her my hat and gloves.
she gave me a grin.)
(till midday flakes fell
then the sun burned all to mush
thoughts still unspoken)
the long walk to school
(meant to calm dreaded return)
backsplashed by moonlight
it lit my trapped way
to judgment i can’t escape
via teenage angst
then came home to lies.
sometimes life is like a cell:
the beginning, the end
yet, there is escape
small moments of truth and love
backsplashed by sunrise
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