doctored up lies
shot into their arms
while i hold dirty pamphlets–
tears and angst spill to the floor,
betrayed on all fronts
a McDonalds stop is all it takes
to win second breakfast
and semi-forgiveness
(all before the sun breaks noon)
there is no holiday,
no sleeping in or forgetting that
tomorrow brings a slew of
ungrateful teens
just errands, yard work,
sweeping leaves to
mid-February winds
that have just now offered
a day without snowcover
children who need beds
that i’ll never afford,
a makeup piano lesson
to forgive forgetfulness–
never, never a break
(until that lesson offers,
in waning winter sun,
a circle i make
around the soft mud trail
of my youth, found in this park)
and my girls clean the bathroom,
set the table, chime in,
prepare the house for grandparents
and early birthday joy
because even on a Monday
(holiday or not)
family is what wakes us at dawn,
brings tears to the floor,
and makes our walks worth walking
teaching
Plea Bargain
quit or try harder?
plague of my life sits waiting
under setting sun
my daughters beg me
for a morning to see them
(no more predawn work)
i try exercise
to beg love for the body
that i lost for them
i give up dairy
and drinking; saying bad things;
but it’s not enough
time swallowed by plans
i will never quite finish
(and ungraded work)
i beg clarity
from my second (lost) language,
for tongue-trapped escape
but it’s not enough
to find that pivotal time
lost in the shuffle
i beg forgiveness
from the self i promised me
twenty years ago
i hope i find it
hidden in filtered sun rays
that trickle through time
Snow Holiday
these holiday gifts
in the form of flakes falling
make winter perfect
snow: what’s not to love?
silent city renewal–
few cars venture out
walking on a cloud
block after frosting-white block
to share tea, croissant
a break to catch up
on work, good books, coloring;
everything we need
and yes, a snowgirl
to add to our female fam
carrot nose and all
these “holiday” joys
gifts from some heavenly realm
make life worthwhile
January Flurries
scheduling request
based on lawsuits they have lost
adds work to my plate
there’s no equity
for teachers, kids, or parents
trying to get by
so i’ll wake early
make gradebooks for fake classes
and do twice the work
i just want to know:
who has time to litigate
with kids in their life?
questions unanswered
to close a winter Monday
just sprinkled with sun
Stolen
thievery on kids
with granted Christmas wishes:
a new kind of low
scooter happiness
snatched from public library
while books stole our hearts
between this and puke
and sis stuck in Kentucky
(in snow of all things)
this week weighs heavy
for this mom, sister, teacher
(no end to winter)
but the sun was high
and we’re rich with two jobs now
(solved our scooter blues)
and we have love here
stolen from youth to old age
given to these girls
She Comes… I Stay
burst from these dark days
of post-holiday winter
news to change a life
(or ten thousand lives)
cause that’s how many she’ll touch
in her tenure here
this comes full circle
(the young-mother sacrifice,
the risky Spain year)
to work with passion
to be led with compassion
to love, love my school
it’s all i’ve wanted
thirteen years waiting for strength
to be my leader
Extraction
i’d like to break free
like our DNA pea lab
(alcohol release)
they questioned this choice
(this isn’t science class, Miss!) yet their eyes were bright
bright eyes keep me sane
when dark thoughts hover so close
to this extraction
they see where love is
hidden in cells’ nuclei
ready to break free
MLK Thaw
walk for forgiveness
for the fight for lost causes
(that we still fight for)
by some miracle
this day is always balmy
as we make our way
scooters–a new trick
to have me chase after them
instead of dragged feet
the mix of colors
between sky, humanity
carries this bright wave
we walk for peace, love
so we’ll always remember
what not to forget
we walk ’cause we can
because peace comes in small steps
found in winter warmth
Retakes
three times last week lost
but i gave it one last try
and he finally came
this after new kids
weren’t told their schedules had changed
disrupting my class
this after failed quiz
that took half the class to start
on crap computers
after failed logins
on no less than five machines
forced copies, time lost
after failed group work
(new eval requirement
that i’ll never pass)
and pointless meeting
number one hundred fifteen
(equal to school days).
but… he came to lunch.
he redid, and passed, his quiz.
so this day is won.
Thoughts During Testing, Phase 1
half hour per kid
400 students to test:
nightmare formula
expectations lost
on those who make test money
(never worked with kids)
if they’d see our day
they’d cut this mindless bullshit
down to what’s needed
but they don’t know needs
they know only dollar signs
and we’re left to blame














