choices

My Actual Day

/ lovizmytrio / Leave a comment

if you could see my day
for an actual day
(never just ten minutes)

ribbons of confusion
would dance across your eyes
(your feet might dance too)

you would see how it moves
from smooth and easy
(perfection at its best)

to a conglomerate of
chaotic preteen desire
mixed with teacherly sarcasm

you would see them
for who they really are
(see me for who I really am)

and you would know
you would actually know
when what I say is right.

but

i will accept your
harried commentary
(we are all harried)

if you can accept
a compliment that
everyone knows

everyone, everyone knows
(the one thing they hate to know)
is the truth.

they are amazing
amazing amazing
and some day

(if you could see my day,
my actual day)
you, too, will know this.

The Mighty Pen

/ lovizmytrio / Leave a comment

it’s nice to hear a bit of cheer
when sometimes darkness chimes
to know a student can be prudent,
despite the wrath, choose the right path
i am beguiled by what was worthwhile
the mighty pen led him in
now med school awaits his tools
i hope one day he’ll come to say
that education is the way.

Ever

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standing between this moment and that one
we’ve drawn an imperceptible line
(only our hearts can see it)
how it hovers over us
darkness enveloping
the light we should share

standing between this moment and that one
i can still see the other moment
(it is mine, it is ours)
and i want to take a giant eraser
and clear the board
of every line
every imperceptible line
that ever has
that ever will
that forever will never
divide us.

Journal

/ lovizmytrio / Leave a comment

she begged me to read
the private words
(what would she discover?
what did she want to know?)

i had to remind her
of her age, her attitude,
her focus on the future
(even if it’s just tomorrow)

she’ll forget by then.
and the words? they’ll
still be there, waiting for
the day when someone
other than me is
ready to pry open the book
and discover the
window to my soul.

All I Have Lost

/ lovizmytrio / Leave a comment

amidst the chaos
of this day
(or any other)
i have missed a milestone
that even with pictures
i will never
be able to replicate

it is not the first
(nor the last).
it tears at
my heartstrings,
a reminder of
all i have lost
with everything
i have won.

i wait for the day
when what i’ve won
will fill the void
(the interminable
guilt-ridden void)
that encompasses
all i have lost.

Remorse

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i will swallow my remorse
as i (accidentally) open and close
this door, shutting out (shutting in)
the last of what was left.

you smile politely, in your moment
of meeting them for the first time
(it is no longer our moment)
and as i enter the chaotic world
i have chosen, i can only guess
where my stupidity will lead me next.

Kingfisher

/ lovizmytrio / Leave a comment

along this suburban street,
my narrow tires sideswipe a kingfisher
hopping along the gutter
(an algae-encrusted pond
is just over the bank)

i think of you burning forests
in Kentucky, telling your baby
the names of all the songbirds,
pointing out the indigenous plants
(plucking the non-native species)

he doesn’t seem to fit in here,
pecking his way along with his
tall, built-for-fishing legs and the
beak made for water. i don’t
run him over, but i wonder

i wonder what you would
say of his presence in this arid
climate, at the same time priding
myself that i remember his species.
native? non-native? i couldn’t say.
but i think he will find his way.

Ascend

/ lovizmytrio / Leave a comment

with wind i push it to the side
take the pedals, ride and ride
it may not wash away like beer
but brings on a healthier cheer.

wish i could erase the pain
of every misaligned refrain
but by midday my bike will be
put back together in harmony.

we’ll take their little hands in ours
forgetting yesterday’s sad showers
he and i will work the wind
till at our backs it will ascend.

Shiny New Conscience

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at his stall he holds
eggs picked from the coop this morning
(various sizes and colors)
piles of phallic squashes
in shades of yellow and green,
peppers as shiny as red wagons,
new potatoes ripe and ready,
green onions that might wilt
by midday (we’d better eat them),
tomatoes ready for today’s sauce,
tomatoes ready for next week’s canning,
glistening green chiles to spice up our quiche,
the makings of a meal
that will bring us all seven together
for $17, a downhill ride home,
and a shiny new conscience.

My Mountain

/ lovizmytrio / Leave a comment

For Olivia

walking together
hands apart
we could climb
slope after slope

it could be pretty
with shrubs
and wildflowers
and young scrub oaks

it might sprinkle,
sparkling your eyes
just a tad with
twisted rays of light

you could lead the way
and i could follow
(something new for me)
and give in to your desires.

but

it wouldn’t build
our hamstrings
with the ever-harder
mountain climbs

it wouldn’t bring
us (no matter how many slopes)
to the glorious
tops of fourteeners

it would never be the same
as tall pines giving way
to snow-covered peaks,
to insurmountable beauty

it would be you and i
new and rounded
(soft and wary)
not as hard-won as the years
(the poking-into-sky
sharp-at-our-cores
daring-to-be-ourselves
mountain peaks)
i have given to her,
my mountain,
my home,
my love.