Indian Summer Magic

a three-foot hallway
blanket, last year’s science boards
fort made of magic

here we play cadoo
spin tales with pictures and acts
clinging to our youth

she begs to cuddle
as morning melts into noon
always my baby

we play piano
i grade, then guide her through math
later, a hike fight

sun swallows the creek
as they beg back summer swims
but leaves are gold-tipped

the baby departs
we have our own sleepover
with love, city lights

they spin spaghetti
dance beside beer cyclists
here we fall for fall

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Data-Driven InstructionS

to be number one
it takes a community
not a dictator

it’s all in the scores
that bring you to beg for wealth
what about teachers?

did you ever think
that if you led us higher
we could climb mountains?

success is not wealth
it’s not wrapped in white ribbon
it’s inside our kids

and who holds the key
the one that unlocks their tale?
teachers led by you

step down, open doors:
your choice will make or break us
break us, then break them

to be number one
you have to love all colors
and see beyond scores

Teach Like a Champion

ten months ago, dead:
my heart, when you told me that
(teaching is in me)

but you couldn’t teach
you could only criticize
i’m phoenix rising

with hate, you inspired
with love, i put students first
and guess what? we win

a perfect lesson
fits into care and action
not criticism

if only you’d see:
guide a better tomorrow
we’d want to stay here

but we’re not all strong
or feathers-renewable
with love, you could win

with love, we will win
my students and i? winners
please don’t burn feathers

tap your inner soul
for god’s sake, read the right book
allow us to fly

Life. Love. Loss.

before dawn message
asks permission for my love
i’m awake, ready

my soul sister breaks
before the sun emerges
i’d give her my life

sleep is a present
unpresent in this week’s life
seven days of hell

he flies tomorrow
what if he doesn’t make it
in time for her death?

my girls play the wii
squealing with best friend’s pained joy
parents’ illness wins

and yet they smile
dress up in formal attire
perfect for their game

living life scares me
as i list all my boyfriends
kindergarten up

ask him to recall
if he searched for love like me
or found it at home

he cannot answer
too consumed by coming grief
losing his mother

they will play all night
and go vacation their dreams
never knowing loss

that is what i want
no search for school boyfriends
just love at home. LOVE.

Labor Day

baby stops mid-hill
after fifteen miles, done
she’s still my winner

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i will wait for her
as we end this Labor Day
she is my last one

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my beach day Denver
filled with beautiful sun girls
swimming and cycling

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dreams are made this way
blue skies, wood-fired pizza, sun
and spinning tires

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confluence meets park
bike path meets Vittetoe fam
we meet our happy

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summer’s end flowers
and a zip line that beats Spain’s
best spent allowance

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unions gave day off
for sleeping in and waffles
life’s a rented dream

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i think in haikus
in between Monday cycles
that bring creeks and joy

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Bought… and Paid For

with thousands of words
one hundred twenty letters
high schoolers shocked me

today? long boarding
last year? three mile water walk
in refugee camp

fathers left for dead
or years without their mothers
fear crossing borders

Somali warlords
Thai school beatings, civil war
their innocence lost

dreams to bring back peace
to a country they escaped
(and to pass my class)

whirlwind of worlds
sit in six columns, five rows
can i reach them all?

free education
earned with a blood-torn tear trail
worth every penny

Joy Among Us

a flat starts the day
with a little pump, i ride
hills, mountains: progress

web site down, ends work
why not take the dry cleaning?
dead car battery

bored girls seek street friends
they’re at camp, then tutoring
where is their summer?

then, a text invite:
pool party, later denied
(for members only)

embarrassed, we leave
without the key to rich friends
our small house fills up

this after cold talk
screaming drive, snatching pillow
the girls unaware

of how i haiku
remnants of a hollow day
door shut, him sleeping

but before closed doors?
they street-danced on rollerblades
still making the best

i close itchy eyes
view the world through young faces
all i see is joy

Big Brother Wins

It’s time to say goodbye. I tried editing. Removing posts. I started with the word drink as my post searcher.

Twenty-eight posts. (I might mention that I have 1,058 posts, the rest of which do not contain this word, but would it matter?)

During my search, I read about the beauty of my girls on a glorious Sunday. Of parties I’d had a great time at. Of weekend joy and love. Of coworkers having a moment of happiness after work.

And, gasp, about that awful thing that almost everyone I know does after work, but I’m not allowed to do since I’m a teacher.

This is one of the most frightening novels I’ve ever read. It bothered me so much when I read it, but even more now. I feel I share this room with Winston:

For some reason the telescreen in the living-room was in an unusual position. Instead of being placed, as was normal, in the end wall, where it could command the whole room, it was in the longer wall, opposite the window. To one side of it there was a shallow alcove in which Winston was now sitting, and which, when the flats were built, had probably been intended to hold bookshelves. By sitting in the alcove, and keeping well back, Winston was able to remain outside the range of the telescreen, so far as sight went. He could be heard, of course, but so long as he stayed in his present position he could not be seen. It was partly the unusual geography of the room that had suggested to him the thing that he was now about to do. (1.1.12)

I sit here now in my living room in Cartagena, Spain. I have spent the greater part of two weeks sharpening my résumé, rewriting my cover letter, and completing online applications so that I can bring my family home.

They are counting on me. Trusting me. Just as they did a year ago when I told them we were coming here.

I cannot let this writing, soul-fed, heartbreaking, ever-too-honest writing, keep me from providing for my family.

And so, just as Winston faced his biggest fear of rats, took his sip of ever-bitter gin and ended the novel with, “I love Big Brother,” I am going to have to concede.

Big Brother wins. I am taking down my blog. And with it, so many pieces of my heart that it will never beat quite the same again.

Cancellations

Mythili is eight. She’s named after an amazing woman who speaks three languages with the fluency of a native speaker, two of which my Mythili will never know.

I came home a bit early tonight. My oldest, Isabella, named after my sister, walked the eight blocks necessary to meet me after tutoring so we could find her some semi-leather boots that match mine. Isabella is almost ten. She can just about fit into half of my clothes and has a much keener sense of fashion than me. I don’t know how I’d shop without her.

I was home early tonight because my life revolves around cancellations. Cancel the job I’ve loved and lived for for seven years. Cancel the program for which I sacrificed everything. Cancel my private English tutoring sessions on a weekly basis, because for you it is a bonus, a brief education. For me? Just another cancellation of my semi-automatic life.

Time is money. I say this now because cancellations can be golden.

These are the words I heard tonight, as Mythili voluntarily read books to her baby sister:

“Mama, did you realize the Statue of Liberty was built in 1826?” (Isabella)

(Mythili from other room): “1886, I read 1886!”

(Me, in same moment, recalling the specific childhood memory: 1986. Age eight. Trip planned to New York City for grand celebration of one hundredth anniversary [July 4, 1986] of said statue. Mother and father holding my hands in their hands to break to me: “We’re going to have to cancel this trip. Your surgery is scheduled for that week.”)

“Isabella, it was 1886.”

Riona, the Irish queen, as diplomatic as her regal name: “Mythili, where are those boats going?”

“They’re trying to get the best view of the statue. Remember this summer, at Jimmy’s house, we were on the mainland? But then we took the boat from one island to another to get the best view? Remember, Riona? They built the statue on an island.” (She refers to our summer trip, my cousin Jimmy’s house in New Jersey, the pain of my most recent Spanish cancellation so painfully present that the Staten Island free ferry was the only possible way to see Lady Liberty).

This is why we are here. In five years, they will read about the Romans. They will say, “Remember when we went to the Roman theatre in Cartagena?”

They will study Druids. “Remember when we visited Stonehenge?”

They will chew paella. “Remember the gambas?

They will be these small children, grown so grand, their life filled with cancellations. They will remember their parents’ hands on theirs, age eight. How they loved and hated Spain. How they cried, laughed, lived.

They will remember.

Cartagena Today

church bells ring the hour
the sun brought my afternoon
a holiday, life

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