winter-lit moments
after seventeen hours
are worth the world
clean house, soft kitty
best: sun in January
will soothe me to sleep
love
Los Ganadores
fourteen class hours
in three days. cold winter walk
to house of illness.
no breaks this weekend
as oldest tells project woes
(procrastination)
middle craves pancakes
but class again tomorrow
allows no bake time
(he’ll be up all night
holding a pail for baby
to give me this chance)
as it’s always been–
i work, work, work… he supports
(and we’re all winners)
Always a Top Ten
reasons why i stopped:
one–brutal voice in writing,
uncensored anger
two–not much laughter,
too much crying to count
(my tear stained regrets)
three–exhausted sleep
from too many restless nights
swimming in nightmares
four–so much good lost
on the desire to numb,
to not fully live
five–waste of money
in times when we had little,
in times when we’re rich
six–lust and lack of
mediocre love-making
blurred by consumption
seven–fat belly
of someone too far along
to give up this quick
eight–every bad choice
i have made as an adult
came from that bottle
nine–joy i once felt
disappeared on icy rocks
of my lost chances
ten–my daughters’ eyes
watching every move i make
(and i’m making… them)
Follow Your Inner Voice
finally the talk
(though teen truth is not revealed)
but i’ll work on her
Twilit Trees
winter walk outlasts
the pouty mood she’s been in
(teen angst mystery)
perhaps she saw light
filtering through twilit trees
revealing herself
or found joy in steps
filled with imagination
shared by her sisters
whatever it is
that brings her bright smile back
i’ll take with this walk
Flakes Fell
last night light flakes fell
to make a snow-bright morning
(soul slightly renewed)
i drove in silence
not able to think of words
that she’d understand
the unspoken sat
between us like the car crash
we saw just later
she spoke and screamed out
(firemen swarmed the panic
of woman on phone)
(i still had no words
nothing about the late night,
her sneaking downstairs)
(nothing on found phone
retrieved in secret to watch
the blossoms of lust)
just sadness, light flakes
falling from the winter sky
crashing our morning
so we said goodbye
(i gave her my hat and gloves.
she gave me a grin.)
(till midday flakes fell
then the sun burned all to mush
thoughts still unspoken)
Thoughts During Spanish Class
another long night
(i’d never lecture this long)
yet my kids judge me
i teach how i learn:
modeling, demonstration,
then application
i plan; over plan
think things through with them in mind
everything for them
yet it doesn’t work
i’ve somehow lost touch with them
and–worse–with myself
i miss the old me
so confident, outspoken
not worried for loss
now i question all:
which kid hates me most, and why?
will i keep my job?
but the worst is dark:
why can’t i be nicer… loved?
why can’t i smile?
i’ll go on, of course–
house bought, girls in school, trap set–
but at what cost? loss?
A Tinge of Color
the long walk to school
(meant to calm dreaded return)
backsplashed by moonlight
it lit my trapped way
to judgment i can’t escape
via teenage angst
then came home to lies.
sometimes life is like a cell:
the beginning, the end
yet, there is escape
small moments of truth and love
backsplashed by sunrise
Reorganizing
back from mountain views
what that means: laundry, cleaning
organizing life
car vacuumed and wiped
every last load put away
while girls made snow forts
(i know… they should work
i should hover over them
like a copter mom)
but they’ll forget dirt
recall bricks of snow with friends
(happy childhood)
i’ll take on the dirt
if only for one Sunday
(reorganized life)
Knitted
an icy walk down
on the road too drive-scary
to downtown Estes
riverwalk and all
we sipped tea and ate popcorn
and made our way “home”
with fire waiting
and Colorado mountains
in A-frame beauty
this weekend knits us
embroidered with paint and thread
built by firelight
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