lattice top apple
laid by a baking expert
five years of hard work
culinary school?
kitchens of Denver and Spain
dough soft as her cheek
yes, she was just three
her first try in our kitchen
all to be near me
i can’t buy her dreams
or make Santa come to life
but i’ll give her that
standing room only
crowd hushed for collegiate speech
from a sixth grader
bright academics
the spotlight shines on this school
rainbow of world
social injustice
swept under a brave chorus
strict rules understood
forgotten pencil
equals hour detention?
path drawn to success
unified voices
remedy doubtful choices
good god let them sing
social butterfly
three drinks, chips and salsa in
what i wouldn’t give
i missed their parties
guilt sits behind every sip
will they forgive me?
daughter’s frantic call
and knowing that he’d be there
sum up afternoon
endless work awaits
there’s never a break from life
just a different drink
another stressed day
just before Christmas bustle
lost to this sickness
tears fresh this morning
frozen pond glistening dawn
star-studded boathouse
guilt trailing my job
as he rushed home, two sick girls
and me? meetings, plans
she came back today
babyless, unpacking shelves
repacking her life
her despondence stung
i couldn’t leave her alone
burdened with boxes
we made plans, had lunch
I got your card, she told me
we’re not sending any
no family photo
for his first, never Christmas
(this is what i hear)
but she won’t say that,
leaves me lines to read between
your girls’ pic was great
her grief in all words
she tells of Christmas-free plans
prepared to move on
this i carry home
with oldest’s three earned awards
to my handsome chef
his job ends next week
i won’t worry who’ll nurse them
and make chicken soup
noodles fall from spoons
and girls, all better, delight
priceless remedy
now they’ll discuss me
what will he do now, and you?
i’ll have no answer
only the safety
of the home he makes for us
beyond what they see
mother’s midnight dance:
rinse puke from stuffies and sheets
listen for gag sounds
hazy dose of job
sick grandma cares for sick girl
while sick husband works
cycle never ends
grandmother mother daughter
through sickness, health
mother’s twilight dance:
six laundry loads, leave sick girl
in hands now soft, warm
sleep? a silent joke
stolen from night, afternoon
thieves, our mothers’ love
survived another
harried nonstop dash Monday
give me winter break
if i’d a real job?
i’d go home early when sick
not pop pills to last
i’d go out to lunch
have adult conversations
away from all kids
how tiring talk
not filled with young undertones
would surely make me
instead i’ll take this:
endless work weeks, sick through some
needy happy kids
and yes, winter break
no holiday turmoil
my kids all around
extreme poverty
keeps parents from saving sons
live to work and die
but ten beats away
greed scalpels addicted souls
work to live and die
timid youngest one
belts out her favorite chorus
shines when she’s on stage
middle girl hidden
by misplaced tall fourth grader
i still hear her sing
it won’t be long now
(and i pinch back dreaded thoughts)
this will be over
my oldest, seated
not with us, but with the friends
she has gained this year
how miraculous
to see her back to herself
facing the world
i faced eleven
in this auditorium
but i didn’t sing
three girls, different tunes
wonder where notes will lead them
back to me, i hope
the aches and fevers
mid-week stay-with-me stresses
medicine won’t work
she came in a dream
all better (never better)
if only the truth
i hate trapped secrets
the solid weight of her truth
worth liquefying
they have stopped asking
bless the sick season for that
(she’ll be sick for life)
losing a baby,
making candy memories,
alcoholism:
all life sentences
that never bring forth the dream
that they’d imagined
challenging poses
stave off pre-holiday cold
virus can’t beat me
candy-scented home
bowls brimming with sugar dreams
homage to his mom
girls learn gift giving
how to think beyond themselves
wrapped in red ribbon
i’d wrap happiness
and place it under the tree
if it would save them
childhood rules us
far beyond its eighteen years
may theirs be happy
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