another long night
 (i’d never lecture this long)
 yet my kids judge me
 
 i teach how i learn:
 modeling, demonstration,
 then application
 
 i plan; over plan
 think things through with them in mind
 everything for them
 
 yet it doesn’t work
 i’ve somehow lost touch with them
 and–worse–with myself
 
 i miss the old me
 so confident, outspoken
 not worried for loss
 
 now i question all:
 which kid hates me most, and why?
 will i keep my job?
 
 but the worst is dark:
 why can’t i be nicer… loved?
 why can’t i smile?
 
 i’ll go on, of course–
 house bought, girls in school, trap set–
 but at what cost? loss?