Seventeen on the Seventeenth

You were born on Presidents’ Day, making me a mother. And now we celebrate seventeen years on the seventeenth, another February Monday that teases us with sun in the city, snow in the mountains, and just one year left of childhood.

Just one year left to relish your youth, be irresponsibly wild while simultaneously mastering physics and calculus.

Just one year left to argue with your mama about screen time limits, driving rules, homework completion.

Just one year left to be the stern at the front of your sisters’ ship, leading the way towards a future none of us can predict.

How can it be seventeen years after this moment in the sun, rocking you in your jaundiced stupor, my baby who would never wake?

Just one year left of your childhood, a childhood filled with formal dresses (of your choosing) every day until age seven; of trips across continents and oceans; of making, keeping, and losing friends; of an ever-tumultuous relationship with school; of dancing and skating and skiing and snowboarding, but never hiking; of a first love, gained and lost; of always wanting more and finding a way to get it.

Just one year left for your mama to be able to call you her girl… Because you are so fast becoming a woman.

A woman who wants her hair braided while completing calculus so that it’s curly for the dance team.

A woman who wants to be an aerospace engineer or an Air Force pilot, a mother, a wife, a keeper of all of beauty’s secrets.

A woman who woke from her jaundiced infancy to fight for everything she wants, whether it be a better part-time job, a new dance partner, a different class set for senior year, or a friendship that has lasted since kindergarten.

As you turn seventeen on the seventeenth, I just wanted you to know that I love you. That you have made me more than a mother. You have taught me how to listen. How to have a stronger voice. How to raise a girl in the twenty-first century (with patience, love, and technology all mixed up into a tumble of confusion and hope).

You have just one year left of childhood, Isabella. Lucky for you, you already know how to fly.

Fly high, my girl. Fly high.

Happy seventeenth.

Perfectly Cracked, Perfectly Hopeful

i walk my puppy,

fight weekend grocery store crowds,

and bake a cheesecake

before 10 a.m.,

i cook raspberry compote

and finish laundry

by noon, i’m ready

to begin this Sunday cleanse

and climb out of here

the city beckons

(no, no—the world beckons

for another chance)

our democracy

and the fate of our future

rest with how we vote

(even though it’s cracked,

my daughter’s birthday cheesecake

is one of many)

let this election

be one of many chances

to give us all hope

Pack Up the Car

a bluebird ski day

will forever be worth it

(Colorado love)

Will You Make Me a Valentine?

a Valentine game

with two of the four children

this magic cabin

(no romance tonight.

just a son he let me have.

love is beautiful.)

Life of a Teenage Girl

first, do calculus

then dance for the whole school

last, drive sister home

And This Is What I Get

a quick Target run

in the midst of a snowstorm

after a meeting

(don’t procrastinate

or there’ll be no chocolate

for any kiddos)

Instead of Bitching…

Tuesday win! I found this great recipe for one of my favorites, chicken marsala. That’s right, on a blah Tuesday night, I made chicken marsala!

Only instead of fettuccine, penne; instead of fresh thyme, dried thyme; instead of a purple shallot, a red onion; instead of heavy cream, evaporated milk; instead of chicken broth, vegetable broth; instead of mushrooms, artichoke hearts and cream of mushroom soup (40% less fat); and last but not least… instead of marsala wine, cooking wine mixed with Botabox Pinot Noir.

I know you’re jealous. It takes a really creative digger to be this good of a Tuesday night chef.

And instead of complaining, all the kids said they preferred this version instead of the original.

So instead of bitching, I’ll just enjoy these leftovers tomorrow.

Propped for More

my Monday mindset

is still trapped here with these skis

waiting for more snow

Rest in Powder

powder has called out

waking us on Sunday morn

a soft, silent church

Open T(r)ails

ski redemption date

with my pomapoo sled dog

ready to venture